Sharp Little Pinpricks
by TheWonderYears
Summary: Love is sweet and brutal. Naruto licks the blood from the torn flesh of his lips and braces for the jabs that come one right after the other, from all directions, like little needles piercing his skin.


**Sharp Little Pinpricks**

by TheWonderYears

 **Summary**

Love is sweet and brutal. Naruto licks the blood from the torn flesh of his lips and braces for the jabs that come one right after the other, from all directions, like little needles piercing his skin.

 **Notes**

Hello everyone! This a quite the story that I've been working on for a while! It's a bit of a new direction for me and I wanted to try my hand at it. I think the best way to describe this would be to say that "it is what it is" and that no one's particularly outstanding in this story (that's just my take) and this is more about human beings with flaws but those flaws don't necessarily make someone "good" or "bad". I'd love to hear everyone else's take on it so fire away!

This has been beta'd by my best friend so if you catch any mistakes they are my own.

* * *

0

"Onidōrō."

You know, as much as Naruto's seen in his life, as much as he's experienced, he should know that nothing is ever going to go as planned. Nothing is ever going to be perfect because the universe likes to shit on everything and everyone with no exception. Well, maybe not all that, but _close_.

Let's back up a bit, shall we? (Like we always do.)

He grew up a fairly normal kid. That's all, just normal. There were not many crazy happenings in his quiet, residential neighborhood. None that he didn't cause, anyway. He lived in a cul-de-sac; on the corner of Woodberry Street and Berry Glen Avenue, yard always filled with the crunchiest leaves and littered with brightly colored, mismatched flowers. His house was a run-of-the-mill, 2story glory built of red brick and white siding. His father's a lawyer—a big shot on retainer for an even-bigger-shot company— and his mother runs a flower shop exactly five blocks away, to the north. Minato and Kushina fell in love when, surprisingly (or not, given his father's looks and charm), Minato came in constantly buying flowers for other women.

(But _that_ story is definitely one for another day.)

They were like a couple out of a harlequin romance. How the picture perfect couple managed to have a spastic, out of control kid like him that couldn't sit still for more than five minutes or pranked the living daylights out of old ladies for fun was beyond him. He wondered that a lot and knows that all the neighbors wondered, too. Except for one.

That would be the neighbors that lived two doors down, The Uchiha's. Fugaku never wondered because he himself had grown up with Minato and knew that the same kid Naruto was, Minato used to be times ten. Not that he ever told anyone that. Not that they needed to know. It was just something the two of them joked about when they'd sit in the sunroom of Naruto's home with their heads close together and tears in their eyes from hard, bellowing laughter. Mikoto held her tongue because she'd only known Kushina for as long as she and Minato had been married, and thought her to be the person that huge the moon. She loved Naruto like a son anyway, because he was cute and lovable and spiced up their dull block, and because for the longest time, he was the only one that would put up with her own moody and broody son, Sasuke.

Of course it was about Sasuke. It's _always_ about Sasuke. Not that Naruto is bitter, or anything.

Except he is, but we're getting there.

Sasuke was his partner in crime, literally and figuratively. Naruto always firmly believed that if people didn't know Minato and Fugaku, big shot lawyer extraordinaire one and two, the pair of them would have been hauled off to juvie in two shakes for all the shit they pulled as kids. Naruto wouldn't have minded if they got in real trouble, because the brightness in Sasuke's eyes shone like stars when they'd make their escape, the grin on his face set like cement and it would stay for _hours_ , and Naruto knew in those moments he would do anything to keep that smile on Sasuke's face.

Even when their fathers would berate them and wag their fingers in their faces like the lesson would actually get through their thick skulls—sharing exasperated but fond smiles over top the boys' heads that would be gone the second their little sheepish brats would look them in the eye— Sasuke and Naruto would look at each other from the sides of their eyes and smirk at each other, stifling giggles, fists at their sides itching and burning to take the others hand. They'd promise they wouldn't but they'd do it again and again and again, running full speed down the street with the moon as their guide, laughing and howling at the top of their lungs, young and free.

When the laughter died a sweet death and fell into heavy breathing and contented sighs, they'd fall onto the lawn in sweaty heaps and stare at each other in silence. The street lights cast odd shadows on their dark-dipped jeans, dogs barked and cars honked in this distance, but all Naruto could hear was Sasuke's soft breathing and slight shifting on the grass.

That's probably why everyone saw them being together a mile away.

Everyone always teased them about it before it happened, anyway. Their mothers would always say that they argued like an old married couple. Itachi would sigh and give them a look that neither one understood. Their fathers would always laugh when the boys whined about having to be separated for more than a day—

(Naruto whined, Sasuke would just glare and grunt more than usual and even pout, not that he'd ever admit it.)

-their friends would call them the "parents" of their little group, Naruto being the mom and Sasuke the dad, except what kind of parents would they be? One too rash and the other one way too mean. Their kids would come out worse than they did. But that wasn't the point, the point was that everyone thought it was one big joke and Naruto never laughed along. In fact, most times he'd get a bit upset. He felt…weird about it, to say the least. Uneasy. He usually would deny it loudly and firmly and try to change the subject. Sasuke, however, would get oddly quiet. His eyes would go all shifty and strange and Naruto didn't like that face so he'd always get everyone to talk about anything else.

They never talked about it much, until they really couldn't avoid it.

High school was where this story truly begins, as most do, the crux of many a shitty happening or spiritual awakening. Epiphanies are not rare for teenagers, quiet as it kept. Realizations make sense for those betwixt and between childhood and young adulthood. Naruto had his first major

th moment in the 10 grade.

He and Sasuke went to the same school, like usual. And they rode home on the bus together and hung out until the street lights came on, like usual. And they annoyed everyone with how close they were, as usual.

Naruto even got a girlfriend, as usu—

Wait, no.

That was a surprise to everyone.

Sure, he was attractive. He knew that. He didn't have a complex or think that he'd never measure up to Sasuke or something. They were best friends and equals, Naruto always thought. They had their own appeals. Sasuke was the sullen, cool guy while Naruto was more or less a puppy with a killer smile.

They both had their own little fan clubs (some girls were members of both), and it worked, he guessed. Sasuke never really entertained going out with anyone, really, and Naruto thought it would be nice but with afterschool activities and school work and _Sasuke_ he was already dealing with a full plate.

It would have stayed that way If Hinata hadn't cornered him in the hallway and professed her undying love for him.

He would have never expected that out of her, shy as she was, and part of him already knew because she was completely obvious about it all through middle school.

(Not that Naruto knew how deep and how _much_ she felt because he was oblivious in matters of the heart. And head. And just…most things.)

He agreed to go out with her, much to the shock of himself and everyone else.

"I didn't know you liked her…" Said his father carefully, like Naruto was a wild animal that would lose its mind at the tiniest of provocations.

"That's great, honey! When will we meet her?" His mother said, using that fake cheerful voice she reserved only for sparing people's feelings.

(He remembers her using not too long ago, when one of her employees got new shoes that were absolutely horrid and cheap looking. He wondered endlessly why she'd use that bogus tone and apply it to this.)

"Who?" Itachi said, terribly uninterested in it all.

He didn't know why he accepted her feelings the way he did. He didn't have to, he knew that. No one would think any less of him if he turned her down. People didn't date people that liked them all the time. But she was so sweet, so nice, so _much_ , that he thought he would give it a try. It wasn't quite curiosity, and far from mutual interest, but it worked for whatever it was.

But because of who he is, he fell in love, and he fell hard.

Hinata was a candy flavor he'd never tried, the amusement park ride he'd been too scared to go on, a newfound color on the spectrum. He swung their hands when they were wrapped together until she'd giggle and exaggerate all his movements when telling a story because he knew that's what she liked—liked when he was being purely Naruto, unfiltered and unchained.

For a whole year, he devoted himself to making someone _else_ smile.

He thought about what it would be like to be with her forever, to move in with her on the corner of Woodberry Street and Berry Glen Avenue; it had been his grandparents' house before his father and mother moved there. He would love to get the house passed down to him and his children. He thought about what their kids would look like.

Would they take after him, blue eyed and blond haired? Or would they have Hinata's dark hair and light eyes? The possibilities were endless.

He must have been so cute to everyone else, planning a future at fourteen. But he was so _sure_ , you know? Sure it would never get better than this.

Hinata begged to differ.

If Hinata having the courage to ask him out made everyone sputter in disbelief, then her dumping him must have caused heart attacks and a lot of swallowed tongues. He should have seen it coming, maybe. Maybe not. After all, he was clueless about most things. It wasn't like she wasn't happy with him, not that, never that. She was. She loved him, too. In whatever capacity that young people feel—however deep or however shallow—she was in the deep end of the pool, hook, line, and sinker.

Hinata was smart, is what she was.

Way too smart for her own good, her parents would say.

Smart and observant. Observant and calculating. Calculating and…kind. She must have seen something Naruto hadn't recognized in himself, must have heard those thoughts that swam in the back of his mind in the middle of the night that he gargled and spat out with his mouthwash.

Knew that she wasn't the one for him no matter how much he disagreed.

"Naruto," She said, her toffee tone sweet and low, "I love you. I think I always will. I know you don't get it now, and that's ok, but I just want you to be happy."

What did she mean? He _was_ happy. With her.

Oh, how he moped about for _months_. He was no fun for what seemed like forever afterward.

(It hurt, but it made sense. People always got tired of him. Always. He was fun for a while but as soon as the laughs stopped they didn't want to deal with crybaby, full-of-feelings Naruto. When people saw that coming they suddenly had something more important to do. He might be a little stupid when it came to certain things, but that fact was hard to miss.)

(And hard to get over.)

He was a total drag, as Shikamaru would say. A lonely loser, Kiba would tease. Sad to look at, Ino would huff. Sasuke, unsurprisingly, had nothing much to say on the matter. Sure, he would comfort him when Naruto got a bit teary during video games and tell everyone to back off when the teasing got to be too much, but mostly, he was mum. He hadn't had much to say when they were together, so why start now? He let Naruto cry and whine and moan woe is me for hours and never got tired of him.

But that was just Sasuke. Sasuke never got tired of him. Sure, Naruto could annoy him, but he never kicked him out or told him to shut up (during a crisis, at least. Any other time it was fair game.)

In retrospect, that should have been his first clue.

People teased them less about being a couple, because Naruto was a sad sack and Sasuke would storm off in a huff whenever the subject was broached.

It became…weird between them, and Naruto didn't like it or understand it. Sasuke became distant. He didn't come over as much during start of the summer, then not at all towards the end of it. He pretended like he received Naruto's texts "late" and even bought a bike to avoid riding the after school activity bus home with Naruto—well, maybe the last one wasn't quite true. Naruto wanted a bike, too, and would have bought one if he was responsible like his friend and didn't waste his allowance on food. Either way, it didn't help his case.

Until the start sophomore year, they were suspended in white space; hands outstretched but not quite reaching, a black rift crumbling between their feet that was almost visible to the naked eye. Naruto firmly believed he was losing his best friend. He went over what he could have done to make Sasuke hate him. Did he get tired of hearing Naruto whine? Did he get newer, cooler friends that didn't steal fries off his plate or actually returned video games and CD's on time? He didn't know what to do or how to talk about it because Naruto was always one for confrontation, except when it came to Sasuke.

But what could he say to the person that knew almost everything about him? Sasuke knew his strengths and faults, could use them against him if he wanted to. Naruto was sure whatever the problem was, it wasn't something he wanted to hear.

For all intents and purposes, Sasuke's an asshole.

Not that this is new news, but it needs to be said.

He completely played off almost two months of minimal contact by inviting him to go tag an abandoned house off First Street. No preamble, no "I'm sorry that I'm a huge dick", not even a hug or a peace offering. He just sent it like he expected Naruto to come.

It was a smart move, Naruto thought, because they had wildly differing schedules this year and hadn't seen each other at all. Since it was only the first day of classes, it's not like Naruto had anything to do with anyone else. If they had caught sight of each other, there no doubt would have been fighting (yelling and maybe a bit of frustrated crying of Naruto's end) and then Naruto would have been the one giving the cold shoulder.

So, being the smart boy that he is, Sasuke left it up to Naruto to decide if they were going to speak again. He thought about being petty, about leaving him in the dust and washing his hands of it. But he didn't. He couldn't. He missed him terribly and Naruto has the awful habit of being a complete pushover when it came to his precious people.

(Remember that, it's going to be important later.)

So, he went.

Sasuke tried to look innocent, waiting for him on his bike in front of his house, but he couldn't stop the tiny smirk that graced his face when he saw that Naruto was making his way over. Dick. Naruto made a show of rolling his eyes and crossed his arms tight when he stopped in front of him.

He had a million things to say, each more volatile than the last, but all that came out was a frosty

—

"Not cool, dude."

At least his friend had the decency to look guilty. He shuffled the foot that wasn't on a pedal against the ground and grimaced.

"Yeah," He said, meeting Naruto's eyes square on. It made him squirm for some reason. "I'm sorry. I was…figuring something out."

Tsk. "What's so secret that you couldn't tell me about it? Huh?" He asked with a shove.

Sasuke smiled, but it was a little sullen and sad. Naruto didn't like it at all.

"I promise I'll tell you later, okay? Let's go do this first. You can sleep over and I'll tell you. Deal?" Naruto wanted to protest and get the story now, but Sasuke looked sincere. Besides, a sleepover sounded great because he could smother him with a pillow later for abandoning him.

"Deal." He says, and they grin like bandits.

All is forgiven.

It's hazy and humid that night—the summer warmth hadn't died down to welcome September and the sheen on their brows is syrupy and golden against the street lights. They write random things on the white brick expanse that faces away from the street with their matching cans of spray paint. Naruto feels like he's bursting gold and laughter bubbles in waves on his lips when he sees that Sasuke's drawn a sad caricature of them on the wall as a marker. It's tragically adorable because his friend has the neatest handwriting he's ever seen but his drawing skill is next to none. Sasuke's laughs with him.

His chuckles are deeper now, like echoes through caves, and Naruto notices. His voice changed in the time he was away, along with his height and build. Suddenly, he's wistful. Because he missed it. He never misses anything.

Sasuke must notice that Naruto's thoughts are straying, and he stares at Naruto for a moment before drawing a giant 'S' next to his picture, then hooking an 'N' at the curved end in his fancy script. He smiles at it, small and quiet but the meaning seems deep to him.

"That's the best thing you've done all night." He jokes, and Sasuke punches him arm gently. Before he can respond, there's a crunch to their left and a flashlight's blinding them in the next

moment.

"Hey-!" The man yells, and they don't have to look at each other to take off in the same direction.

They run at full speed like they stole something and Sasuke's laughing like a maniac while they pump their legs in time. It's contagious, and Naruto can barely breathe as the glee pours out of him over and over and over again. They're moving so fast that the fireflies are like tiny fireballs littering their vision.

They break finally in a familiar clearing by the forest, legs like jelly and pain pulling at their lungs.

They collapse on the grass flat on their backs and try to catch their breaths.

Naruto hums softly and sniggers, looking at Sasuke out of the corners of his eyes. Sasuke's got a small smile on his face as he looks up into the night sky in wonderment. He looks so peaceful and calm, and Naruto turns to look at him fully.

"How much trouble do you think we're gonna get in for this one, eh, Sasuke?" He asks. Sasuke blinks before looking at him, face conflicted like he's debating something, and then promptly rolls on top of Naruto's form and kisses him, just like that.

It feels…amazing. Like nothing he's ever felt before. If kissing Hinata felt like flying—up and up and up-then kissing Sasuke felt like falling, solid and bottomless and intense.

He tasted of the fruit snacks they shared earlier and like the spicy pepper scent that always followed him around. Naruto could barely breathe from all the running before and now the little air he had been stolen away. He'd be lucky if he didn't perish on the spot.

It must have been seconds—but felt like years—and Sasuke pulled back quickly (but makes no move to get off) with a look that could only be described as sheer, unfiltered terror. Naruto only caught the last vestiges of it because his eyes took forever to flutter open.

He had a million things to say, each more baffled than the last. But all that came out was a flat—

"Huh?"

Sasuke must have been expecting something else entirely—like a 'what the fuck, man?' or a punch in the throat— because sweet, startled laughter burst out of him and he buried his head in Naruto's shoulder.

"Don't laugh, asshole!" Naruto said, slapping the top of his head. "What'd you do that for, huh? Why did you—"

Sasuke cut him off, raising his head to look at him. "That's what I was trying to figure out." Naruto narrowed his eyes in confusion. "What? You had to figure out if you wanted to kiss me?"

"Yeah." He said quietly, almost shyly.

Naruto had the resist the urge to punch him. "That took you two months? You're such a loser." Sasuke sucked his teeth and was no doubt going to say something mean and ruin everything, so Naruto kissed him to shut him up.

Sasuke squawks in surprise and Naruto would definitely tease him about it later, but right now he was fully focused on trying to steal Sasuke's tongue out his mouth.

They kissed until Sasuke got a bit too frisky and Naruto had to pull away. They were in the middle of a field, after all. He wasn't going to get off with small woodland animals possibly watching from the trees. It got as far as Sasuke trapping Naruto's hands over his head with their fingers intertwined and Sasuke trailing his lips down past Naruto's shirt collar. He makes a noise of protest and Sasuke stops immediately. Forever the gentleman.

They laid there, blowing warm puffs into each other's faces. Sasuke squeezed his hands tighter.

"So you're okay with this?" He mumbled barely above a whisper. Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Yeah. I mean, I kissed you back." And you're Sasuke. That might not mean anything to someone else, but it was loaded full for Naruto. He felt his eye twitch at the thought. Remember what we said about youthful epiphanies? Yeah, Naruto was starting to understand _a lot_.

"Yeah." Sasuke says with a smug smirk.

He might love him, but he didn't love that.

Uh…

 _Fuck_.

Sasuke laughed at the look on his face and kissed Naruto's cheek in apology. He sobered and nuzzled him gently.

"You're mine now, okay?" He muttered.

Naruto chose to be the bigger person and ignore the way his voice caught a bit. This moment was special and he was going to let it be just that.

He cups Sasuke's face and smiles brilliantly. "Okay." He breathes, as the trees dance around them.

…

If people thought them annoying before they starting dating, they must full on hate them, now. Not that it mattered at all, because Naruto and Sasuke were in their own little world, population two and bliss on one hundred. The whole school knew before their parents did (they got chewed out for that one) because most of them people they knew were horrible gossips and someone (they narrowed it down between Tenten and Kiba) saw them necking behind the bleachers after football practice. It was the talk of the town for weeks.

Their parents found out when they had family game night, which included both their families since Minato and Fugaku _swore_ they were long lost brothers or something— (Which would be awkward, considering…)

-and Sasuke hadn't let go of Naruto's hand in enough time when they were coming through the door after school before Mikoto's hawk eyes caught it, which led to their mothers screeching like banshees and their fathers giving each other (really annoying) knowing looks and Itachi sighed and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "At least someone is getting some around here."

Ahem.

That was wrong at the time, at least, because it took nearly a year and a half for them to consummate their relationship. It's not like Naruto was scared—he _was_ , but that wasn't the _only_ reason—he was just a little…wary. Up until then it was making out, holding hands, and sometimes getting hands down each other's pants. When they finally took the step and had sex, there was no more going back. Sure, it would hurt like hell if they had to stop doing all the stuff they did because Naruto really _liked_ it, but if that's what Sasuke wanted he could go back to being friends. He could survive having to do that now, but he was certain after they made love for the first time the chance of being "just friends" would fly out of the window.

Luckily, Sasuke understood this, even if he didn't necessarily agree with it. But he let Naruto take his time and get it together, and before they knew it, they were on the close end of dating for two years. At that time, Naruto didn't want to make him wait anymore. He was always, always afraid that Sasuke would get tired of waiting him, even though he never vocalized it, because how could he? He'd only be placated and made promises that no one could know if they were possible to keep. So, he bribed Itachi to get them a hotel room and made his plans.

It would be way too sappy to describe the night as magical, because it wasn't. They were both virgins, and while Sasuke claimed he "researched" what to do, he was still awkward and flustered and seventeen on a hair trigger. It took them a few tries to even get it in, and Naruto had to grit his teeth and ride out the pain. Sasuke sat still for the most part and let him adjust. Let's not pretend that his girth was enough to blow someone away to oblivion, but it was enough. They stared into the other's eyes and Sasuke litters kisses onto his face, wiping welling tears away and whispering "I love you, I love you, I love you" as he started to move.

For the rest of the night, Naruto cried for a different reason besides the pain.

Later, He works his ass off for them to get into the same college, studies more and slacks off less. They were one of the only couples to make it past high school graduation and that surprised absolutely no one. They were known on campus as Thing One and Thing Two, Bonnie and Clyde (much to Naruto's annoyance because he was always Bonnie), Pinky and The Brain. It was always "Sasuke _and_ Naruto", never one without the other, never too far away.

He studies culinary arts because he had a passion for it. Sasuke went with technology because he's annoyingly smart and good with computer systems and such. They keep close with their friends and no one strays too from the group even though they ended up in different states. Their third year they move into an apartment near campus together—

(Tired of having roommates and sneaking in and out for booty calls.)

And it was so sickeningly sweet that Naruto was shocked he hadn't died of high blood sugar yet. They shared bills and thought about getting a car to make it easier to get to their part time jobs that were a little ways away. The idea of a dog came up, but the rules of their place were strict and Naruto would feel guilty leaving a puppy by itself most of the time.

It was perfect.

Before he knew it, they were in their last year and both of them were going to graduate on time.

Sasuke was already getting offers for big tech companies and Naruto couldn't be happier for him. He himself worked at a nice restaurant downtown and was close to getting a management position. Things couldn't be better.

Or they could, but Naruto didn't know that yet.

He found out when they were hosting for Kiba. It was his "Getting his Life Together" party, because he hadn't gone to college like the rest of them because he had no idea what he wanted to do. He worked odd jobs on and off and finally thought he could make a career out of being a mechanic, like his uncle. He'd always been good with cars and maybe it should have be obvious to him that this path was an option, but whatever no one was judging.

Everyone manages to come, despite the stresses of being in school and doing loads of coursework, because they support each other. There was drinking and merriment and a grand sense of ease that they would all be moving forward in life at the same time and no one would get left behind. It was a good feeling.

Naruto hadn't had a single thing to drink because he, _of all people_ , was in charge of making sure everyone didn't party too hard. Drives had to be made in the morning and flights had to be caught.

He started hiding beers and prying cans out of vice grips by the time an hour had passed.

Sasuke was nowhere in sight, but Naruto knew he was probably out on the deck taking a smoke break. No matter how long they'd all known each other, Sasuke still wasn't much for large groups or loud rooms. Naruto had to laugh at that. Some things never changed.

It was December and bitingly cold. Naruto immediately had to blow on his hands in fear that they might fall off. Sasuke's leaning on the raining watching the snow fall in rapt fasciation, puffing out smoke just for it to be eaten by the wind.

Naruto leans beside him and bumps shoulders, altering him to his presence.

"What's up?" He asks, because Sasuke's been mysteriously quiet all week and he knows whenever he gets like this, he's about to do something drastic.

He gets a raised eyebrow and a shrug in response. "Nothing's up."

"Well, clearly you're lying," he says conversationally, "because I know you, and I know when somethings up." He won't push the issue because he's having a good time and doesn't want an argument.

"Tell me when you feel like it, I guess, but don't skip the party." He tuts and spins on his heel, ready to go back inside where it's warmer. Sasuke grabs his arm to stop him—like Naruto knew he would—but doesn't even get a victory smirk in before Sasuke's shoving a tiny box in his hands and staring at him intently. It's shaped like a present and has a delicate white bow tied neatly around it.

Naturally, he's confused. "Christmas isn't for another week." He states.

Sasuke doesn't blink. "I know. Open it."

He does.

It's a ring.

Not super fancy, or anything like that, but beautiful. It's bright, almost holographic under the porch light. Not too thin—no diamond or gems adorning it— quite masculine, which is surprising.

It complements his skin in a way that no jewelry ever has.

Clearly, it's a well thought out gift.

"Holy shit." He breathes, not able to take his eyes off of it.

Sasuke snorts, and steps closer to him. "Yeah." He whispers.

"Are you…you're… _oh my god!"_ He whispers back.

Sasuke pulls him close and slips the ring of his finger lightning fast. It fits. Of course it fits.

There's no way Sasuke would have gotten it if he didn't know it would fit.

"Look," He says like he's in a rush, "I'm not good with words and I don't want to make this party about us, but _I love you_." It's fierce and heavy and it makes Naruto shake.

He hasn't had a single drop but he's never felt so drunk in this moment. "And I couldn't wait anymore. Can you accept this right now? I'll get on my knees and do all that other stuff later, I promise, but please just take it." Sasuke's breathing hard at the end of it, like it's really weighing on him so of course Naruto says—

"Yeah. I mean, yes. Yes, I'll marry you."

And they look at each other and grin like they used to and he swears he could just _die_ right now and wouldn't regret a thing.

They go back inside and don't make a big deal of it. No one notices. They sit across from each other and smile over the yelling and revelry of the fourth drinking game tonight, and they almost get away with it until Naruto's tucking everyone in on the floor (wherever they've passed out) when the night's died down and the world is quiet—

(Choji giggles out a "You guys are still totally our parents!" and everyone laughs. This time, they can't even deny it because it's _true_.)

-and TenTen spots his ring as he cocoons her in a blanket and literally screeches in excitement. Everyone pops back up, panicked (oh, all this hard work, wasted) and looks around for some unknown threat.

"Jesus, TenTen," Neji cries, "What is it?!"

She points to Naruto like that will answer the question, bouncing up and down.

"Uh..?" Ino moans, barely conscious.

"Use your words, dammit." Shikamaru says while clutching his head.

"You!" She jabs a finger into Naruto's chest. "That ring wasn't there before! When did he ask you? How did I miss it?!"

"What?" Sakura mutters, barely heard from the under the cover thrown over her head.

Sasuke sighs in defeat and all hell breaks loose.

First, everyone's pissed because Sasuke didn't make a show of proposing—

("It's Kiba's night; I wasn't going to take that from him." He says nobly. Naruto doesn't think he can love him more than he does right now.)

But Kiba's not having it at all and wants a show. Everyone's up again and getting their second party wind and suddenly chanting "Do over, do over, do over!" and Sasuke grins in defeat and all hell breaks loose (again) when Sasuke slides the ring off and drops to one knee.

Hinata's rips paper from the printer up as makeshift confetti and Choji and Kiba are whistling while Ino and Neji clap so hard it hurts and Shikamaru's got the dopiest grin on face, like he's looking at the best thing he's ever seen.

Tears are spilling from Naruto's eyes while he laughs because he honestly can't believe this, and Sasuke's got a megawatt smile enough to power the whole city tonight.

And Sasuke slips the ring back on his finger and the noises fade out, and all he can see are Sasuke's shining eyes and the twinkle of the Christmas lights on the mantel.

…

In March, it all goes to shit.

…

He's on cloud nine, basically skipping to class at this point. Neji makes a point to hold firmly onto his arm when they walk about because he's so sure that Naruto really will fly off into the clouds one of these days. Naruto isn't sure if he's joking or not, but its Neji.

(So that means he probably isn't.)

He gets congratulations from everyone—the cashier at the 7-eleven near campus, the jogger running with her dog, the mail man that constantly delivers in packages from amazon— his mother can't even look at him without clapping her hands and spinning him in circles. He's dizzy from it all, and he loves it.

In March, he'd been busy lately working and finishing up all this projects and assignments. They're graduating in May and that's way too close for comfort. He's equal parts scared and excited. He'd been glued to his desk for weeks and Kiba was sick of him being a homebody, so he texted Sasuke to tell him he'd be back in the morning and got dragged to a club. He got drunk for the first time since New Year's and it didn't feel that great. The dark liquor lurched around in his stomach for hours before it came up on the sidewalk near Kiba's car. His friend laid him down in the backseat and teased him the whole way home. At least, he thinks, because he certainly blacks out and comes to right as Kiba's wresting him onto his couch.

In the morning, he thanks him for taking him out and taking care of him the night before, and sets off home. He bemoans his woefully thin jacket that's no match for the March air. He looks like shit, but he passes by a Walmart and remembers they need a new shower curtain. The one they have has seen better days—turning odd colors near the bottom and feeling of slime—he goes to

get it.

He swings his arms on the way upstairs to his door and unlocks it, setting his bag down on the counter and setting his phone up to charge. Sasuke's not home, he knows, because it's still ass crack early and Sasuke likes to go for jogs before too many people start their days. He wants to wait for him to get back, honestly he does, but he feels gross, wants a shower, and wants to just lie down in bed and die for a few hours.

He drags himself to their bedroom, stripping himself of his jacket and kicking his shoes off without touching them. He slips in the quiet room and makes a beeline for the bathroom, but makes the mistake of surveying and lets the world fall at his feet.

Because Sasuke _is_ home, knocked out naked on the bed if the scattered clothes are anything to go by, with Sakura resting her head on his chest and her arm's tucked firmly around his waist.

It's funny, because he'd been jamming to India Arie's "Get it Together" all week through brand new headphones and the first line of it-

(" _One shot to your heart without breaking your skin_ …")

-Fits perfectly to how he feels right now. It's hilarious, actually, that his tastes in music could accurately surmise something in his life just _days_ before it happened. That's probably why he starts laughing as hard as he can. It sounds off to his ears, unnatural, a sound he's never heard come out of him in his life. That makes him laugh even more, you know? Because he's clearly losing his mind, barefoot and still cold from outside, in his own home, while he's watching fiancé and other longtime friend cuddle in his bed—

His bed! He helped pay for that shit! Everything in this fucking house, this room, is his! _His_!

-after they clearly fucked each other last night. Or this morning. Or both, who knows. All he knows is that he's crying with laughter and it's so hard that he can't breathe.

Sasuke wakes first. He blinks like he doesn't know where he is and grunts at the sunlight hitting his face. He's so obviously hungover that that Naruto scoffs. He's not even sure _what_ he's feeling at this point. Disbelief? Sure. Righteous fury? You bet. Fully capable of double homicide? Yes indeed-ee-do.

Naruto's laughing turns to hiccupping, then panting, then harsh retching as he wraps his arms around himself and sprints to the bathroom to throw up. There's nothing left from last night, so it's mostly just spit and bile. It burns so badly and he can't help but cough.

He just sits in a heap on the floor, staring while he flushes the toilet over and over. He's transfixed by the way the water swirls down. There's nothing to flush by now, and he's just wasting water, but he keeps doing it until he hears a soft—

"Naruto?"

It's from outside the door and he jerks up and stands on weak legs that manage to stumble back into the bedroom.

Sasuke's sitting up, looking at him like the world is ending. His eyes keep snapping to himself, then to Sakura, then back to Naruto like he doesn't get what the fuck's happening and to be honest, neither does Naruto. He must have entered the twilight zone somewhere before he made it home because there's no way this is happening.

Sasuke's hands fist the sheets and he goes to stand.

"Naru—"he starts.

" _Shut up_." He says, cutting him off. It's the angriest he's never heard himself, and part of him is impressed. The other part is sure that his body is going to implode any second now.

Naruto rips open the closet as quickly as he can, and the first bag he sees he grabs and starts filling with clothes. He hears rather than sees Sasuke dragging pants on his body and he quickens his pace because fuck if he's going to be stopped. He's just throwing the bag on his shoulder when Sasuke's gets the other leg in, and he's trying to go for the door when strong arms grip his shoulders.

"Baby, wait—"Is all he can say before Naruto's ripping free and slapping him so hard they both stumble. He's shaking so hard and he's not even sure how he's still upright at the moment, but he

is.

Sasuke works his jaw and grunts but he isn't giving up. He reaches for him again. "Naruto, please

—"

Naruto evades and doesn't run to the front door, but its close. He doesn't want to talk about it, not right now. _He can't_.

He flees and all he can hear is Sasuke calling his name until he's too far down the street and then it's just an echo.

…

He gets to his parents before he breaks down, using his key and letting himself in. His mother is startled by someone coming in this early and he's grateful she hasn't gone to open her shop yet. He's get about five steps in the door before his legs fall from under him. She peaks her head out of the kitchen and makes a noise of alarm before coming to wrap him in her arms. He's sobbing into her shoulder and she's whispering

"Breathe, honey, _breathe_." Into his hair and rocks him softly.

His eyes are too blurry to see his father coming down the stairs, but he registers a soft: " _Jesus_ , Naruto."

And another body coming around him. He can do nothing but weep into their arms until he exhausts himself and blacks out.

…

He knows nothing else until graduation. There's nothing to know. He moves through his days in a blur, going to class as he should to finish out strong, working longer shifts because he doesn't want free time. His friends look at him strangely. They know what happened, they _must,_ and they can't believe it. Their circle titters in disbelief. Because they all remember crying tears of joy what felt like days ago at their engagement and don't know what went wrong. He hasn't seen Sasuke at all and he laughs hollowly because it's been two months and the last time they hadn't talked in this long was—

His parents, once they know, they're conflicted. They love Sasuke like a son. But, he hurt their _actual_ son and that's not to be forgiven so easily. They tell him they won't talk to the other Uchiha's, if he wants it. But he doesn't. They haven't done anything wrong and he still loves them like family.

He avoids any place they could run into each other. He doesn't go back to the apartment, not once, since. He sends Kiba to get some of his stuff and he comes back fuming, luggage in hand. Apparently, they had words, and Naruto does ask the details about it and Kiba doesn't offer, so it's fine. Sasuke doesn't try to chase him, pester him or plead with him, and he's thankful because he just can't take it.

He standing outside at the end of the ceremony and people around him are laughing and crying and embracing each other because it's finally over. They made it.

He drudges up a smile and hugs everyone that offers him congratulations. He spins Ino around and kisses Hinata's cheek and gets manly hugs from all the guys and allows himself some happiness. He worked hard to get here and nothing will ruin the moment, so help him. There's music and fanfare and he can barely hear himself think, and he doesn't see Mikoto coming when she runs up to hug him from wherever she was.

"I'm so proud of you." She whispers in his ear, and he smiles weakly and grips her tight.

Fugaku's next, and he gets another tight hug and a pat on the back.

"There's my boy." He says fondly, and Naruto's smile cracks a bit.

His parents are off talking to one of his father's colleagues whose child was also graduating, so they aren't there to rescue him from what was about to be the world's worst conversation. He sees Sasuke approach behind them in slow motion, Itachi at his heels. He barely registers that Mikoto is talking to him, watching the way Sasuke's hair moves in the wind, how he fills out his graduation gown, and how his lips part when he spots Naruto in front of him.

His focus snaps back at the next sentence, because it throws him for a loop. "…and it was killing me to have to hide this for so long, but I thought it would make a good wedding gift as well as a graduation gift, so…"

Sasuke's eyes fill with panic and he gently grasps his mother's arm. "Mother—"he warns.

He can't describe the noise that punches out of him. It's something like a wounded animal, wildly foreign and strange.

He's louder than he means to be, more malicious, when he spits, "You didn't tell them?" and Sasuke face goes blank, fully shuts down, full stop. And he's fucking _done_.

He doesn't wait for anyone's reactions, doesn't say another word, just banks left and power walks to the car as fast as he can. He sees in his peripherals that his parents are scrambling to catch up to him and hears a heated conversation sputter to life behind him, but he blanks it out. He's pushes past people in the crowd and by the time he's out of the throng he's pissed and itching to punch someone, anyone, to release the storm brewing in his head.

His father clicks the door open with the key before he can tug it off the hinges and he throws himself inside and shuts the door. He doesn't care if he's embarrassing himself—he doubts anyone is paying attention to him and his melodrama anyway—all he wants to be is be anywhere but here.

His mother gets in the front seat, apologizing to Mikoto and promising that they'll talk later. His father's starting the car with lighting quickness and he's so happy that they can jump into action when he needs them to like this, but it only last for a second because Sasuke decided to follow him _this_ time as he runs away, along with his whole family, and the look on his face is breaking the leftover pieces of his heart.

"Naruto—" He begins, and he looks so close to tears that Naruto has to close his eyes.

"Drive." He grounds out to his father, and they're pulling off before he can say another word.

Two weeks later Sasuke's gone.

He leaves town with barely a word to anyone, pays the rent until their lease expires in August and doesn't tell anyone where he's going.

Naruto wishes he was relived.

But he's not.

And that's the end of it.

1.

"Hiraishin."

It's barely sunrise but Naruto's been awake for hours, staring at his wall the color of eggshells and counting down the minutes to seven o'clock. He's never up this early, never has to be, but the first day of school is always nerve-wracking, no matter how old you get.

Its Menma's the first day of kindergarten and Naruto is terrified. His son is small for his age, insanely adorable with delicate features and he's way too nice and curious for his own good. He'll be eaten alive out there; kids can be vicious, you know? Because he used to be one of them and they've only gotten worse since. He tries to suffer silently but his fidgeting and constant sighing wakes his wife and she elbows his back.

"Naruto," Ino grates out tiredly, "It's too early for this."

He knows it is, and bites his cheek to keep from smiling, even though she can't see him.

"I know, I'm sorry." He says.

She yawns and stretches, night shirt sliding off her shoulder. Naruto's eyes zero in on the exposed skin but he quickly dashes his own hopes because Ino is no fun when she's cranky.

"How long have you been up?" She asks though another yawn.

"Since five."

She snorts. "God, why?" he flips onto his back and shrugs.

"I'm worried about Menma." He admits, because there's no point in lying. She pats his shoulder and looks at him with undisguised pity. This isn't the first conversation they've had about this—

(And it probably won't be the last. Menma's only five; they have _years_ of overprotectiveness down the road.)

-and he knows she's getting annoyed with his whining and worrying, even if she doesn't say it.

"He just so tiny, you know?" He continues without prompting. "And he gets a little spacey like I used to and he could wander off the playground _and_ there are so many kids that the teacher might not even know he's gone and—"

"Babe," she starts carefully, and he knows what's coming, "We've been over this; we can't homeschool him and he's not going to get lost. It's the same kindergarten you went to and you came out fine didn't you?" He grimaces.

Well…

"Don't answer that." She says quickly in jest, and he laughs and shoves her playfully.

She's right even though he doesn't want to admit it.

He's fortunate to even be at this point, really. Years ago, _after_ , he was in so much pain that he thought he'd die. He knew that people could die from a broken heart. Well, technically, it's a medical condition and the heart isn't physically broken, but you get the gist. That's not the point. The point is that he got himself together— if drinking his body weight in liquor and crying himself to sleep for a year straight, then drunkenly knocking up one of his close friends and marrying her out of guilt counts as "getting it together"—and built a nice life with someone he loves and cares about while raising their son to the best of their ability.

It was…hard at first. Menma certainly wasn't a planned baby. They were both broke as hell, only twenty five, and stupid. He worked two jobs that sucked the life out of him but he had to make sure his child was taken care of. His parents offered to help—because it wasn't like they were struggling for anything with the money his father made—but it was his responsibility and he'd take care of his family.

Shit, before it happened, he'd never really looked at Ino like that before. They had just been friends, gossip buddies—

(God, she had the best gossip, too. Somehow she knew everything about all of their friends. He wonders why people would still tell her their secrets when they know she likes to run her mouth. Not his problem, though, because he just ate that shit up.)

-she liked for him to go shopping with her because he was sure she thought of him as her gay best friend (even though he wasn't gay but try telling her that at the time). If he thought he would end up with anyone (besides Sasuke), Hinata would have been his first guess. But the minute Ino came to him crying with a pregnancy test in her hand all thoughts of anyone else flew out of the window and he knew he would do right by her.

Now, things are better. He works at a four star restaurant as head chef, Ino's got part ownership of a beauty shop downtown; The shop charges way too much for simple haircuts but the ladies that come in like to pretend they're fashionable and live in a big city, so they put up with it. He lets his mother babysit because she'd murder him if he left her only grandbaby with anyone else, and despite how good things are, he's a nearly thirty year old man who can't stomach the thought of his son going to school for only half of a day.

It's sad, really.

He can't even handle it now, when the kids will let out at 12pm, so what's he going to do when first grade will be till 3? He shudders at the thought.

"I know we can't homeschool him," He says. He's grown okay? He's _not_ pouting. "I just…I don't know! Let me freak out a little. My baby's leaving me!" He adds a fake sniffle for effect.

She laughs and kisses him, morning breath and all, and says: "I know you're freaking out, so am I.

But it will be okay, I promise. Your mom's still coming to get him today, yeah?"

"Yeah."

Ino wiggles her fingers and smiles. "See? Even better. If there's anyone more protective over him than you, it's her. We've got nothing to worry about."

Lies, lies and more lies but he won't call her on it.

"Papaaa~" He hears from the hallway, and shoots Ino a look.

"Oh no," She whispers in faux horror, "your little monster's awake."

"Before sunrise, he's your son." He whispers back, and she narrows her eyes at the reference.

"Mamaa~" He follows with, pushing the door open with his chubby little arms. It shouldn't be as cute as it is, but Naruto's weak and his love for children got worse when he had one of his own.

"Whatcha talking about?" Menma asks, padding up to the bed in his footie lion pajamas. Ino lifts him up and places him between the two of them. Naruto notices that they aren't the same pajamas he wore to bed but doesn't comment.

"We were just talking about how we're going to miss you when you're off at school today." Ino says.

Menma grins. "I'm gonna miss you too, Mama, but I really wanna go!" Ino laughs and tickled him.

"I know you do, honey. I can see how excited you are."

"I already dressed myself and everything." Naruto raises an eyebrow at him.

"You can't go to school in pajamas, Menma."

His son looks so sweetly confused and Naruto melts. "But these are my favorite." He says with a deep pout.

It's not lost to him that at five, his son has learned how to use being cute against any and every one. He would be worried that Menma's going to be an expert manipulator in his later years if he wasn't so proud that his child knows how to get his way so young, just like he used to do.

Ino doesn't bite, though, and she waves Naruto out of their bedroom to go get him dressed. It's still too early and they won't be headed to school until 8:30, but Naruto figures they can get breakfast at IHOP or something before he abandons his only offspring for hours in the unknown.

("You're so dramatic." Ino huffs with a fond eye roll. And yeah, he is, but whatever.)

When they get around to dropping him off, Naruto is slightly comforted to see that he's not the only parent having a rough time letting go. One of his neighbors, Joel, has three triplet girls that he's dropping off and the poor guy looks an absolute wreck. Naruto sends him a sympathetic look and gets a shaky smile in return. He honestly can't imagine what that must be like; he's having a hard enough time with one, he wouldn't be able to handle three.

Menma can't get away from him fast enough, trying to tug out of his hand and go catch up with some of the kids he already knows. Naruto knows he's fussing but he can't stop. He makes sure his snack is still in his bag, checks that his shoes are laced tight and that his belt is on the right loop. Ino's silently laughing at him but he ignores her and keeps going.

" _Okay_ , papa." Menma huffs, frustration creeping into his voice, "I gotta go. Bye!"

Even so, he gets a tight hug and a kiss for his efforts and Naruto feel like he's won the kid lottery.

Whatever the hell that is.

Ino snorts at his dopey smile and tugs him along. "Let's go say something to Hinata before we go." She says.

He does feel better knowing that Hinata will be the teacher this year. She great with kids and an awesome friend. Menma's already comfortable around her so there really shouldn't be any issues. He knows this, and yet…

"Hello, Naruto, Ino." She says, smiling brightly. After all this time, Naruto still thinks that she's one of the most beautiful women he's ever seen. Just because she's married to his best friend doesn't mean he can't still think that, right?

"How are you?" She asks.

"Slowly dying inside, thanks for asking." He says. Hinata looks briefly alarmed and Ino slaps his shoulder.

"He's kidding. Just some separation anxiety, that's all."

Hinata's smiles fondly. "That's so sweet. I promise Menma's in good hands."

"I know, I know." He says. "If there's anyone I trust, it's you." It's sincere and maybe comes off as a little flirty because Ino's side eyeing him and starts tugging on his arm.

"Alright, Romeo, we've got to go. See you later, Hinata!" She calls over her shoulder.

"Bye! Call me if anything happens!" Naruto manages to get out as Ino's nails bite into him.

Hinata waves daintily at their retreating figures and goes inside. He silently wishes her luck because she's much too sweet to deal with handfuls of screaming five year olds all day.

Once they're back in the car Ino gives him a look. "What?" he asks with a slight fidget.

"You still treat her like a princess and it's _so_ tired, Naruto."

He places a hand over his heart and pretends to be offended. He scoffs. "I certainly do not."

He worries she might be serious for a second but her faces breaks into a smile.

"Whatever, lover boy. Hurry up, you're going to be late if you don't drop me off soon."

"Yeah, yeah." He says, and starts the car.

He thinks this week will be…good.

…

Every week, Itachi meets up with him to check on him.

Naruto doesn't really remember how it started, but _of course_ he remembers why it did. Despite the fact that Itachi frets over him—like they're actually brothers. It's sweet, and sometimes confusing because Naruto has the distinct impression that Itachi needs somewhere to direct his fraternal affections and Naruto, still being close by, is a certain someone's replacement—but they've always been friends and their bond has only strengthened over time.

Today, it's at his restaurant during his lunch break. It's ritzy as hell in the heart of downtown. It's got a pompous one word name— Ivy— and all the snooty something's come in and pay top dollar for a fucking chicken parm but don't tip the valet. He makes nearly 80k and doesn't have to pull 12 hour days as often anymore, so whatever, he's not really complaining.

This is Itachi's kind of place now anyway, since he's a certified big shot now. He works with money or some shit that Naruto doesn't really get because he was never good at math and Itachi dresses like a baron out of a storybook. He always looks sharp, arriving in tinted sunglasses and an all-black three piece suit. Naruto feels jealous for only a moment; as he got older he filled out more but never truly lost his baby face. Itachi's never had the problem and despite growing up with him, it seems impossible to think Itachi ever looked like a little kid.

"You're dressed up today." Naruto says in lieu of a greeting, like he doesn't dress like this every day. He doesn't even own a pair of jeans, the bastard.

Itachi scoffs. "Please. This is my worst suit."

Of course it is.

"What's the special today?" He says, opening a menu.

"Braised chicken with capers and parsley," He rattles off easily. "But Todd's on right now and you're taking your chances on taste when I'm not at the grill." He finishes with a cheeky grin.

Itachi smirks at him. "Hmm. Yes, I'm sure."

He waves a waiter over to get Itachi's order and checks his phone messages while Itachi speaks. Hinata's sent him an adorable picture of her with her class and a huge thumbs up about today's success. His mother confirms that she's on her way to get his little bundle of joy and he can breathe easier now. The rest are generic messages about meeting up with friends or Ino reminding him to get takeout on the way home since she doesn't feel like cooking.

"How are you?" Itachi asks and Naruto locks his phone and slips it back into his pocket.

"Menma went to school today." He answers as if that covers everything. It sort of does.

"Ah," Itachi hums. "So you're feeling terrible, unbearable agony, I'm guessing."

Naruto snorts. "Yeah, that about sums it up."

"Oh, you poor thing." He tsks, patting the side of Naruto's face.

Naruto bats his hand away. "Don't make fun of me; you'll be worse than I am once your little one makes their appearance."

Itachi raises an eyebrow and harrumphs. "Not likely."

"How's Konan, by the way?" He says, switching gears.

"Still very pregnant and very irritable, as usual." Itachi says this dryly, but his eyes are light and a smile tugs at his lips.

It's September and she's already six months. Time seems to be going by so quickly. Naruto's insanely happy for them, because they'd been trying for a while and had almost given up hope. He thinks that thirty five isn't a bad age to have their first child, and he's secretly looking forward to Itachi being a doting parent like he is.

"It's all worth it in the end, trust me." He says brightly.

Itachi chuckles. "If you say so."

"I'm a little jealous, you know?" Naruto says with a sigh. "I miss having a baby around. I want another one."

Itachi raises a questioning eyebrow. "…and Ino doesn't?" He says, picking up on a que Naruto wasn't even aware he dropped.

Naruto has to fight not to roll his eyes because he knows this is exactly what Itachi came here for today—a glimpse into his innermost thoughts and feelings and a misplaced sense of victory because he knows that Naruto probably hasn't shared this with anyone else. He could be petty and change the subject but he actually revels in these moments where he thinks this must be what it's like to have a wise, all-knowing older brother.

"It's not that she doesn't want another baby, I mean, we've talked about it and we've been trying, but it hasn't happened yet. And since it hasn't, she's kind of nonchalant about the whole thing and it's annoying because I don't want Menma to be like, ten before he gets a brother or sister but she doesn't seem to care either way."

Part of him resents her for it, even if it's not fair. She's the one who has to carry it, after all. Still, a big part of him itches to say something every time she shrugs her shoulders or waves him off. It's stupid to think so, but it leaves a bad taste in his mouth to think that she doesn't want a baby with him _on purpose_. It's a small thing, but it bubbles and festers in him because he has _so_ much love to give, and no matter how happy he is or how busy he gets, he doesn't want to lose sight of that.

Itachi hums and nods. "Have you told her this? That you don't like her being blasé about the matter?"

Naruto shoots him a look that answers the question and Itachi laughs at him.

"You know how she gets!" Naruto protests as Itachi shakes his head.

"Yes, I do, but nothing will change if you don't have a serious discussion."

"I thought I was being serious," Naruto mumbles, looking down and wringing his fingers

together. "But she's the boss and what she says, goes."

Itachi pokes his forehead to get his attention. Naruto pauses for a moment, taken back in time when he remembers that happening often.

(He's sees it like an old film noir reel, corner edges seeming burnt and crinkled. Suddenly he's ten years old in a silent movie and Itachi's cheering him up because he's too sick to go to camp, and he's going to have to stay home alone for half the summer with just a TV for company, miserable for weeks because he'll be separated from—)

(From—)

"Hey," He calls, and Naruto snaps back to attention, "It will all work out. Everything will be fine." And because it comes from Itachi, he believes it.

Naruto nods, noting the time on the clocks and commenting: "My break's almost up."

"Alright. You're taking care of yourself, right?" Itachi probes, and Naruto sighs.

"Yes."

"Eating right?"

"Mmhmm."

"Getting enough sleep?"

"Yes, father." He mocks.

Itachi narrows his eyes at him and pretends he didn't speak. "You can talk to me if something else comes up, I take it you—"

"Yes!" Naruto says with a laugh. "I know, I know! Don't baby me."

(He's so grateful though, even if he can't say it, because Itachi helped piece him back together. He's one of the only few that knows how bad Naruto's actual got, how close he was to the edge, and he fought tooth and nail to bring him back from it. If it takes weekly check-ins to make sure that no one will find Naruto blood-red with the showerhead running on high, pale and unresponsive again, then so be it.)

Itachi smirks and waves him off. "I might as well get some practice. Now get back to work."

...

Early Tuesday morning he waits, counting along with the hands of the clock and tapping his knee anxiously. He knows he shouldn't get his hopes up, but he can't help the bubbling excitement as he waits for the verdict. Maybe this time it will be different, maybe this time, he'll—

Ino comes out of the bathroom and her face tells him all he needs to know, which is strange because it's blank and lifeless when she says: "It's negative." He goes to work in a bad mood.

…

It's Thursday and unusually nippy when he gets off the metro. It's rare for him to ride it these days since they bought a car, but Ino needed to go in super early to interrogate a new candidate for the shop. The girl is young and green, fresh out of cosmetology school and looking for her come up.

He doubts Ino will rent her a chair.

He pushes his face into his scarf and digs his hands under his armpits. He didn't even wear a jacket because the meteorologist straight up lied to him about the weather today. For some reason he's wistful. He recalls when Septembers used to be sizzling-still and muggy; when crickets sang sorrowful songs, when the gnats would spin around his head in a frenzy, and jade grass would tickle his toes through his sandals. Now, lawns had a hint of frost and a collective shiver grips the crowd around him as the air hits them.

He's on his break again, and he'll be using it to go pick up Menma. His mother called him earlier to say she wouldn't be able to make it in time to get him since there was some sort of emergency and she didn't want to be waiting around alone. After he was sure it wasn't her or his father that was hurt, he didn't asks for the details.

He still had hope for this week turning out well, even if things kept going wrong. He could turn it around.

"…and then Jeremy got mad at me for saying that I'm Auntie Hinata's favorite,"

Menma says as Naruto hoists him up to sit on his hip. He waves goodbye to Hinata, but not before they give each other exasperated grins. This kid. "Even though it's _true_."

Naruto chuckles. "You shouldn't pass that around the class, Menma." He chides.

"Teachers don't play favorites. How do you think the other kids feels when you say she likes you the best?"

It's a total lie, he knows. Teachers have favorites all the time. He knows this, even though he was never any teacher's favorite the entire time he was in school.

Menma scowls and sucks his teeth. "Probably not good." He admits. "But I'm the only one that goes over her house and plays with her dog!"

"Yes, that's true, but that's because Papa and your auntie are friends. If the other kids' parents were friends with Hinata, they might do the same thing. Don't throw that in their faces, okay?" It's totally a move he would have done when he was a kid to assert superiority over the other children, but he thinks that it's best not to mention it, otherwise Menma might think he can say it again.

"Okay." Menma pouts, and in true five year old fashion, his ire is forgotten almost immediately as he starts to tell Naruto about the rest his day.

The school's not far from his parents' house, maybe a seven minute walk. He used to make that walk without his parents when he was younger, but there's so many more cases of missing children and creeps lurking about that he would never let Menma do the same. At least Naruto was with a gaggle of kids that would come home this way; all the other children in Menma's class went in the opposite direction.

He stops off in the 7-eleven and grabs some chips and a soda for himself while Menma's talking a mile a minute about god knows what. He's only half listening because he knows he has to hurry up if he's going to make it back to work on time. Menma's grabbing at things and asking if he can have them and Naruto has to keep taking items out of his hands and putting them back on the shelves. He feels irritation fizzing and tries to bury it.

He's just a child, he reminds himself. Children don't give a damn about schedules.

He pays with a ten and doesn't ask for change and then makes his way outside. Menma, the adorable little space case that he is, hadn't zipped up his book bag and subtle shift in his arms causes the whole thing to spit up its contents onto the ground.

Naruto sighs.

He sets his son down—keeping a firm grip on a tiny arm so he doesn't go wandering off—and starts picking up crayons and such.

"Sorry, Papa." Menma mumbles.

"It's okay," He says, "Papa's just in a rush, okay? I'm not mad." He assures.

Ino had some semblance of order to the bag this morning—like she does every morning. Like

Menma's not going to just mess it up the minute he gets his hands back on it, but whatever—but Naruto's just stuffing things in so he can hurry up. He accidentally bumps the last crayon and it goes rolling into the street. It's a lime green one and he knew that was always his least favorite color for a reason. Seeing it roll out causes him to look up.

And then he sees him.

It shouldn't hit him like it does, not after all this time. Like a punch to the gut. Abruptly the wind's rushing past his ears like he's falling when it had barely been a breeze before. His mind snaps to when he was thirteen and he fell off a roof in a particular bout of foolishness. The fall couldn't have last more than five seconds, but time slowed down and he couldn't hear anything but air filling his ears. He's never felt that again until now.

He looks older of course, more muscular than he remembers. A bit less pale and taller. His hair is longer, tied low in a knot at the base of his neck. And he's just walking down the street, coming from the opposite direction—like he's walking up from their old block. It's the only thing Naruto can think of that would interest him over that way. But what the fuck does he know? He's got no idea what interests Sasuke now.

Sasuke's face is buried in his phone and he hasn't looked up once. It's kind of funny, Naruto thinks, because even after nearly ten years he's confident enough with his way around these streets that he's not worried he'll bump into anything or accidently walk into the street.

He barely registers Menma trying to tug out of his grip. He sure that it's gotten too tight for comfort and he's starting to scare his boy, but he's got tunnel vision right now and he can't rip his eyes away.

Sasuke must feel those eyes, because he looks up briefly and then has to do a double take. He sees

Sasuke freeze in the same way he has, nearly dropping his phone and tripping over his own feet. Naruto hasn't moved, so he's just squatting on the sidewalk with fucking crayons in his hands while he makes eye contact with the last person he wanted to see today. Or ever.

He wants to say something, anything. But he can't. His jaw won't work and his tongue shrivels up and dies right on his teeth. He takes a shuddering breath right as Menma manages to get his arm free.

"Papa?" He questions, and Naruto looks over to see his little brow furrowed in worry. When their eyes connect, Menma flinches mutely, and Naruto can't imagine what his face looks like now. He shakes himself, throws the last of the crayons in the bag and zips it, and then gathers his son in his arms as quickly as he can.

When he looks up again, Sasuke's still frozen solid, but he isn't looking at Naruto. He's staring at Menma with a foreign look. It looks…lost. Something like disbelief, or shock, or god, who knows? All he knows is his eyes get all big and his lips part slightly and it's like someone slapped him in the face as hard as they could. Naruto sees him swallow hard and close his eyes, probably willing away whatever thought he just had as best he can.

Naruto's all on board with that.

He turns on his heel and grips Menma for dear life, power-walking down the street and refusing to look back. So Sasuke's in town, so what? It's been years, so fucking what?! It doesn't matter!

The second he turns the corner, he takes off in full sprint.

Menma makes a noise of alarm but Naruto just keeps going. He's sure he looks like a madman, running down the street, panicked with a kid in his arms. He'll probably have to answer some questions later from the nosy old ladies nearby that have nothing to do but watch the streets for drama. He doesn't care though, and he makes it to his parents' house in record time.

He sees that his mother is back from the car outside, and his father's there too. Great, he thinks, the whole family is here to witness his inevitable breakdown. He barely gets the key in the lock before he's setting Menma down in the threshold and dropping down to a crouch, pushing his palms into his eyes.

He rocks, muttering "I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay." Over and over. But it's a lie. He's not. He can barely breathe and he hates the fact that he's about to have a panic attack over this—again.

Fucking _again_.—in the same place he had one last time.

He's not sure how much time passes between his arrival and his mother coming to sit next to him on the floor. She doesn't question, just pats his back and mutters sweet nothings to him. His father comes soon and stands over him, and they wait it out. Menma teeters by kitchen arch, not sure what to do. He's too young, he doesn't understand, and Naruto hates that he's seeing him like this.

"What happened?" His mother questions when his heart stops trying to escape as much. All Naruto has to do is look at them and they _know_. Just like that.

He doesn't know how, but they do, and his mother's wipes her face with her hands and his father's sighs heavily.

They start talking in hurried tones, and his mother pauses to scoop up Menma and take him upstairs, away from it all. His father's trying to sooth him; he slides down on the floor next to him and grabs his face, trying to make him focus. But all Naruto can think is one word and one word only.

 _Fuck._

...

He doesn't make it back to work.

He calls the owner, who loves him, and claims he's come down with something suddenly. He's not sure if the owner believes it, but Naruto's has sick days piled up so he makes no fuss.

His mother puts him to bed because suddenly, he's exhausted. Dried up, no more left. He can barely lift his heavy legs to get up to his old room. She doesn't say much and he's grateful. He doesn't want to talk about it. What's there to say? That all the feelings he thought he'd destroyed came riding back into town on Sasuke's coattails? That he literally _ran_ full speed away from him because god knows what would have happened if he stayed another second?

Jesus, what if Sasuke had tried to _talk_ to him?

He probably would have screamed like a banshee in his face until Sasuke got the hint that talking wasn't the best idea. Or, he would have punched him and spit in his face for daring to be within fifty yards of him, willingly or not. Either way, he's glad that he didn't.

At some point he falls asleep.

When he wakes, two hours have passed, and all hell has broken loose.

There are four missed calls from Itachi, two from Mikoto, and one from Fugaku. He's thinks _, oh no_ , because they're probably panicking and trying to warn Naruto about their tropical storm of a son and now they might think he's ignoring them. He can expect a visit in the next few hours if his mother hasn't already beaten them off with a stick.

The group chat he keeps with his friends has a new notification from Kiba that's only two minutes old—the Konoha Crew, it's called. Don't look at him, he didn't make it up—and it reads:

"Hey Naruto, I've got to tell you something, and I need you to not freak out."

That ship has sailed, buddy.

He sighs and types a reply before quickly deleting it. He types another, then another, and finally settles on a simple: "Is this about Sasuke being back in town?"

Despite his friends all being a work (he thinks), the little dots at the bottom explode as everyone starts typing at once.

"!" Is all Choji responds.

"WHAT?!" Goes TenTen, and he imagines that she's spitting out a drink in dramatic fashion, wherever she is.

Shikamaru just replies with the stale face emoji and Naruto has to laugh because he knows him, and he knows he's making that exact face right now.

"Oh my goodness." Hinata says.

Neji waits for everyone to finish before typing: "….Just say that word and I'll kick his ass."

Naruto laughter is loud and hard and he can't even respond right away.

"Ditto." Kiba says.

"Tag me in when you're done." Is Shikamaru's reaction.

"That's not necessary, guys," He messages in between chuckles, "But thanks anyway."

"It sort of is," Kiba says, "But it you don't want us to we'll leave it alone."

TenTen chimes in next, switching gears. "Wait, how did you known he was here? Did you see him?" He cringes because he knew that question was coming.

"Yeah, I sort of saw him while I picking Mini Me up from school."

"He passed by the garage and I thought I was going crazy man!" Kiba goes, "but it was definitely that little asshole, no doubt about it!"

"Are you okay?" Hinata asks, ever the worrier. Her question causes him to sober. He could lie, but there's really no point.

"Kinda?" He types and shrugs.

"Seriously, Naruto. One. Word."

"I'm with Neji on this one," Choji says. "He kinda deserves it."

He knows he's not going to get anywhere near talking them down right now, and he's a bit conflicted on whether he really wants to, so he'll sort out his thoughts and get back to them on that.

"Guys, I swear I'm fine. Don't worry about it. We'll talk more about it later, I promise. I'm sorta tired now, so I'll catch up later, cool?" he says, and hope they bite.

He can feel everyone's skepticism through the phone but knows they won't push. He gets a chorus of "okay's" and a "holler if you need anything." from Shikamaru. Neji sends the little purple devil and says nothing else, and Hinata sends a heart and a thumbs up.

His eyes get a little misty and he smiles. He's lucky to have friends like these.

He barely notices that Ino's commentary is oddly absent.

…

When he wakes next, it's dark, and Ino's fingers are threading through his hair. He smiles up at her and stretches.

She quiet, unnervingly so, and she's got a pensive look on her face, like she's working something out. He can guess what it is.

"Does the whole town know by now?" He jokes, but her lips barely twitch. He frowns and sits up.

"Probably. You know how gossip is around here." She says with a shrug.

"It might even make the news," He continues, "Local fuck up back for more. Details at 11." That gets a startled laugh from her and he feels victorious.

But only for a moment, because she gives him a sad look and says: "Kushina told me what happened. Are you…okay?" Like she's not sure. He's not either but he doesn't think that will comfort her at all.

"Yeah, I think so. It was more shock than anything. I never thought in a million years he'd…just show up like this, you know? It's not like I don't think he can, because this was his home too and I'm not on any of that "this town isn't big enough for the both of us" shit," Except Naruto's totally lying and it totally isn't. "I just, wasn't ready. At all."

She nods and lays down on the bed with him, throwing her arm over his middle.

"I get it." She says.

She doesn't.

"I know it's hard for you. I knew it would be." She snuggles her head on his chest and he sighs. "I wish I could-." She starts, but cuts herself off.

He presses a kiss on top of her head and allows them to sit in silence.

He loves her. He really, truly does. Despite her faults, she's a wonderful woman that makes him happy and has been there through the worst of it. She might understand more than he thinks, but he doesn't think she can fully grasp his feelings on the matter. He's not sure that anyone can.

It's not a dig at her, but the depth of her feelings before their relationship never seemed to go…too deep. She and Shikamaru dated for two seconds in high school and it fizzled out in a blink of an eye. There was that fling with Sai, but their ending wasn't anywhere near earthshattering. She had other boyfriends, sure, but she got bored of them quickly and ended up being the one to break it off every time. He didn't think she'd never experienced an all-encompassing love that took hold of her entire being, which shook her to the core and gave her life at the same time it ruined her. Her feelings for him now certainly go beyond casual hookups but he knew it wasn't at that point.

Maybe she would never get to that point.

Honestly? Maybe that was a good thing.

"Hey," He says, grasping her chin to make her look at him, "You don't have to do anything. I'm good, it's all good. There's nothing to worry about." All he's done is lie today. He hates it.

She stares at him for a moment before looking away. "I…" she begins, and then snaps her mouth shut so quickly it looks like it hurts.

"What? Come on. Whatever you're thinking, you can say it."

"I can tell you later." She says hurriedly. "It's not that important."

He stops himself from rolling his eyes. God, he's not made of glass. So he had a tiny breakdown today, so what? Everyone's been there. Hell, he never really left.

She can tell him whatever she needs to. "Ino…" He implores.

"I've been in keeping contact with Sakura." She says quickly, looking away from him.

Never mind, keep it to yourself.

He makes a noise in the back of his throat. It sounds like a mix between a curse and sigh and he lifts her arm off of him in thinly veiled disgust. She gives him a hurt look.

"Don't. Don't do that." She says, "Don't be like that. That's why I didn't want to tell you." He stands and so does she.

"Why? Why would you even-!" He says, ignoring her, throwing his hands up in frustration. "I don't get it!"

Sasuke wasn't the only one to disappear all those years ago. Not too long after he jumped ship, Sakura wandered off too and everyone figured she must have gone running after him, wherever he was. That wasn't something Naruto liked to think about much, because fuck her, alright? She could do whatever she wanted and it wasn't his business. She wasn't even the tiniest blip on his motherfucking radar.

"Why?" Ino says like _he's_ the crazy one. "Why? Because she's my best friend! What was I supposed to do? She left for a new city, she didn't have anyone! I couldn't just…cut her off just like that! You never asked me to take sides!" She shouts.

Is she seriously doing this right now, really? Fuck that. "I would think that you took mine since you fucking married me!" His voice is creeping higher and he's mindful of it. He doesn't want his parents busting in, thinking he's having another breakdown only to find them in a lovers spat.

She sniffles and looks as if she's about to cry. He's not falling for it, not this time, because she always uses her crocodile tears to get out of arguments and he's so _sick_ of it.

"Alright, I'm sorry, okay? That wasn't even what I was trying to tell you." He feels a headache coming on, swift and pounding.

"I want to say it can't get worse but I'm wrong, right?" She doesn't respond. " _Right_?" he prompts.

"They came back together." She mutters, and _fuck_ , that's worse.

He blinds and says: "Of course they did."

She gives him a look and continues. "And they're engaged."

Double fuck.

She looks like she's going to say more but he holds his hand up to stop her because he honest to god can't handle anymore—

(And he wonders how hard it must have been, for this queen of gossip, not to run her mouth about this to everyone she knew. How she looked in his face and said _nothing_ about knowing all of this, how she sat on this information and didn't warn him of what was to come before he nearly threw up his breakfast at the sight of him across the street.)

-and he sits down on the bed and grips the sheets.

"How long have you known they were coming?" He asks, because he's here now and he might as well.

She looks away. "About a month."

He's got a million things to say, each more malicious than the last, but all that comes out is a simple: "Okay."

She looks as surprised as he feels. He doesn't want to argue. He's tired and it has nothing to do with sleep, and he refuses to let this…matter take over his life again. He's come too far and fuck it, its ancient history. He'll make himself believe that.

"I didn't really think out how you would feel about it, and you're right," He admits.

"She's been your friend for years and it wouldn't have been fair of me to ask you to stop if I'd known." Bullshit. Utter bullshit, he thinks, but he's swallowed so many of his real feelings for so long that he doesn't know how to stop.

"It's not a big deal. It's fine."

"Naruto—"

"Drop it. I'm dropping it, we're dropping it. This doesn't have shit to do with us and I don't care."

She must know he's lying, she _must_ , but she lets it go anyway.

He takes a shower and go to tell his parents that everything's good. He assures Menma that Papa's not going crazy and/or dying (because kids are dramatic and no one wants to explain to him what's going on), and makes his way back to his own home.

Menma's chatting away in the backseat while Ino's deep in her phone and Naruto's eyes are firmly on the road. She's sending him little looks because she always does that when he's upset, but he doesn't look at her, not even once.

He tucks his son into bed with a kiss and a hug and vows to banish all thoughts of Sasuke and Sakura out of his mind.

…

He makes it a week.

…

It's a Saturday and he's off, for once. But not really, since he helps out at his mother's shop because two of her four employees called out today. He doesn't mind though, because it reminded him of when he was a little kid and he used to be amazed at all the colors and smells that lived in that little shop. He's still kind of in awe of it all, because the flowers are still bright and fragrant in contrast to the overcast sky of the day.

The girls at the shop faun over him, calling him a good son and flirting shamelessly with him. He subtly preens at the attention, knowing he's still got it, and Kushina shakes her head and play taps him over the head.

They end up having tea in the sunroom around six, when the crowd's died down and his mother thinks it safe to close. Menma's spending the weekend at Ino's parents the next city over because it's been too long and his parents get to hog him the majority of the time.

He usually makes the trip with her but decides to skip it this go round. He's glad that Menma is able to get out of the house and away, because this past week has been awkward and stifled between them, and Naruto feels his heat rise every time he sees her on the phone, regardless of who she's talking to. It makes him wonder who else she was talking to behind his back.

That guy that stole his jacket that time they went to a Smiths concert? His fifth grade teacher that told him he wouldn't amount to anything because he couldn't sit still long enough? The devil himself?

Clearly, everything's not "fine."

He doesn't share with his mother even though she knows something's up. He'll end up telling her soon because she knows how to wait him out. He'll eventually get tired of holding it and a spill everything like he always does and he knows Kushina will be ready. He loves that way about her, waiting for him to come to her and not pushing. It's one of his favorite things.

Once they finish their tea she asks him to take the recycling to the curb and he doesn't object because if he's going to be in this house 24/7 he might as well help out.

He's distracted, looking at a dumb text Kiba sent him and decidedly not going back inside fast enough when he sees a black car in his peripherals. It's nice, a BMW maybe, but he hasn't gotten a good look. It's parked two doors down and—

Goddammit, _no_., he thinks, but it's too late.

Sasuke already out of the car, making his way to the other door to hold it open. _What a gentleman_ , Naruto thinks bitterly. He sees perfectly curled pink coils step out of the car, accompanied by a scandalous red dress (the color combo totally screams _Valentine 's Day_ but he'll keep that to himself) and for the second time this month, he wants to pull out his inner track star and make a run for it.

This time, he's the one frozen stiff with his phone is his hand when Sasuke's eyes catch his. He's get that same surprised look on his face, and Sakura's in mid-sentence before she sees it on him and throws a look over her shoulder to see what he's looking at. When she spots Naruto, she makes an odd noise and smiles in a way that looks painful.

He feels like he's caught in a bear trap; the hunter's getting close.

"Naruto!" She says in mock cheer. He could have gone the rest of his life without hearing her voice again. "Oh my gosh, what a surprise! It's good to see you!"

Is it?

He could be rude and walk away without a word, but he was raised better than that. So he musters up some strength and walks towards them. Sasuke manages to look more shocked than he already had and given Naruto's reaction the last time they ran into each other, Naruto kind of understands. If someone ran away from him like demons were chasing them and their pants were on fire the second they looked upon his face, he might be surprised that they'd be willing to talk to him the next time they met, too.

Naruto plasters a small smile on his face, no teeth, barely there, and he sees Sasuke cringe at how fake it must look, but Sakura doesn't even blink.

"Hey, Sakura!" He says, matching her tone. "How are you?"

He's fucking bitter that he's not wearing a floor length fur coat today with matching thousand dollar loafers and a feather hat just to show how _good_ he's doing, how _great_ his life is now. Instead he's in jeans and a t-shirt with a beanie pulled over his messy hair while they both look like they rolled out of an Armani ad. Next time, he muses, next time.

"Oh, I'm good!" She says. "How are you?"

" _Great_." He counters, one-upping her diction. "I'm doing great, but I'm sure Ino's told you that already."

"Oh yes, she _never_ shuts up about you. I've heard years of Naruto this, Naruto that. It's adorable. Who would have thought?"

Sasuke looks a bit confused, like he didn't know about them keeping up with each other either, and Naruto feels a tiny sense of victory about knowing first, even if it's only been a week.

"And how's little Menma?" She continues sweetly, and he wants to snatch his son's name out of her mouth.

"He's great. He's getting so big." As a child, he used to see his mother have these conversations with some women she didn't care for at places like the supermarket or the bank and he never understood why she went along with them if she hated those women. But he gets it now, because sometimes people have to grit through small talk to keep from clawing each other's eyes out.

"He looks just like you." She coos.

He smiles genuinely at that. "Yeah, we call him Mini Me."

"Anyway, you're looking so good, Naruto. Fatherhood really did wonders for you." He twitches at the backhanded compliment and he wants to snap back at her when he notices how Sasuke's looking at him. It's deep and intense, how he used to look at him when he liked what he saw—the look he'd get before he'd end up face down in their mattress—his eyes travel up and down Naruto's body, slow, and it makes goosebumps erupt on his skin. Sasuke wets his lips and he swallows hard and Naruto forgets his next few thoughts.

Since they're standing so close, he can see that Sasuke's a head taller than him now, has a bit of a five o'clock shadow going on, and put on more muscle than Naruto originally thought. They used to be around the same height and build, but Naruto was done growing years ago where Sasuke obviously wasn't. He looks all man and that fucking ponytail, still placed low on his neck, is completely unfair. He wonders what it would look like if he pulled out the hair tie and let it tumble in his face.

It's torture.

"You are too!" He says in more fake cheer. He can't think of anything else that to say that won't end in a "fuck you" or something utterly inappropriate or obscene, so he decides he's had enough and cuts this short. "Well, see ya!" he says with a wave, turning on his heel.

"Oh wait," she says, and like a fucking idiot, he does. "We're still moving and getting settled in, but Sasuke's parents are throwing us a "Welcome Back" dinner next weekend and we were wondering if you and Ino would like to come? It's just a small thing, not a whole party or anything. What do you say?" Sasuke makes a noise of protest and looks at her like he fully believes she's lost it, and Naruto has to agree with him.

She wholly mental. Bat shit crazy, got to be. Did she forget why they left in the first place? Is she really asking _him_ to come hang out like nothing's changed? But he must be, too, because he accepts before he really thinks about it. But when he does, he thinks that he can be an adult about this, let all this heavy anger go and _forgive_. It's been years since it happened, and he's been holding onto this for way too long. He's not doing this to be friends again—no way, not happening—but he wants to get to the point of being able to look in their eyes and not want to shoot them on sight. This might be a start to that. Or it could be a start to a life prison sentence after he snaps and kills them dead with a plastic knife. How impressive would that be?

"It's settled then," She says saccharine and fake and _God, what has he done_? "See you Friday!"

He nods and spin son his heel, not even casting a glance at Sasuke before he walks away.

Oh, Ino's going to love _thi_ s.

…

He thinks of Sasuke's gaze in the middle of the night while Ino's sleeping beside of him. He thinks of the broadness of his shoulders and the pleasant rumble of his voice. It's a faint memory now, and he realizes in the moment that Sasuke hadn't spoken to him in either encounter so he can't recall what it sounds like with clarity anymore. Part of him is sorely disappointed at that.

While he thinks of his muscular chest and his corded arms, his traitorous hand starts slipping down his pajama pants and then he's pumping furiously, biting his lip and trying to keep quiet. He's sick, he thinks, and for a second he remembers those big hands all over him and Naruto's letting out a little gasp at the thought of it.

He's close when Ino rolls over and replaces his hand with hers, kissing the side of his neck. He groans at her slower pace and she giggles.

"Are you horny?" She whispers sultry in his ear.

"What do you think?" He whispers back, his earlier anger at her forgotten in the moment. She straddles him and lets him slip inside, and they both moan. He grips her hips and considers taking over, but he just closes his eyes and lays back because he wants the feeling of someone on top of him, pinning him down.

…

As he spills inside her, he hopes tonight's the night he gets her pregnant.

…

2.

"Kusari."

The week flies by faster than he'd like it to.

Monday, he burns himself twice while frying a dish he's done a million times, cursing colorfully and popping his fingers in his mouth with the hope they don't blister. The rest of the kitchen staff looks at him like maybe he's been replaced by a body snatcher. (It's highly possible, he thinks, given his actions lately.)

He snaps at them when they stare too long, which only makes them stare _harder_ , because Naruto's the nicest guy any of them have ever met and flawless at his job so whatever's going on with him must be terrible, dreadful, stressful or awful. They whisper in tones that tell him they've never learned the meaning of "inside voices." Nevertheless, they give him space after that.

On Tuesday his mind's drifting through space, and he's almost to a beautiful nebula of gilded gold when he's nearly hit on the driver side by some giant pickup truck. No one's hurt and he's alone in his car, thank god, but before he knows it the other guy's hopping out and calling Naruto all sorts of names for not paying attention. His heat rises and he's out of the car in a flash. The guy's big, but he can take him.

He doesn't get the chance because the man's tiny wife is beside them in a flash trying to calm her husband down. Naruto's instantly calm, watching her as she tugs on the man's insane muscles and shooting remorseful looks in Naruto's direction. He's reminded that he has his own tiny wife to go home to, and can't end up in jail overnight over petty road rage. He drives home with his mind firmly on the road ahead.

Late Wednesday, long after the sun has set, he finds a new show that's a trashy train wreck and horribly stupid, but he watches all three seasons (damn those cancellations!) in one fell swoop and eats his body weight in tortilla chips and hummus. For once he's glad that Ino replaced all their snacks with healthier options because he's sure if he was eating anything else his arteries would need Drano by morning.

Come Thursday he's at his wit's end because Menma's got the idea in his head that he could pull off a Mohawk like he's seen on TV, and Naruto has to spend every free moment chasing surprisingly quick little legs and hiding every pair of scissors and at least one butter knife so his son doesn't carry out his dream while no one's looking. If he's honest, he feels frustrated tears welling up because he's already stressed out and now he's probably going to have a half bald kid terrorizing the town by tomorrow and all the mothers at the kindergarten judging him for his lack of parenting skills.

Once Menma's asleep and all the sharp objects are locked away and on a high shelf, Ino finds him sitting in the tub, which wouldn't be a problem if it hadn't started out as a shower instead of a bath. The shower head's running and the stoppers up, so he's just sitting and letting the water hit his face as he stares forward.

She sits herself on the side of the tub and gives him a look of pity that he hates. She makes a small soothing noise and pats his shoulder.

"We don't have to go, you know." She says. "We could say something came up."

He would roll his eyes, but they already hurt a bit from all the water in them. "No, we can't.

There's less than 24 hours until the party and with Mikoto, you have to give 48 hours' notice.

Them's the rules." He mutters.

She tuts. "I'm sure she'll understand."

He gives her a look that says otherwise and she rolls her eyes at him. Ino strokes his hair and he leans into it, closing his eyes against the comfort. Her hand feels warmer than the water ever could. She plays with it absently for a few moments, her eyes going far off and thoughtful. She sighs, moving her hand down to stroke his cheek.

"I'm proud of you." She says. "For doing this. For trying to bury the hatchet."

"We can't go on like this forever, I mean, if they're going to be staying we'll have to see each other sometimes. I might as well…try, I guess." He says with a shrug.

Well, they _could_ , but it would probably end up being more exhausting skillfully avoiding any mention of them or ducking behind corners and trashcans if they happened to be within 50 yards of each other from now until. He thinks he can manage a simple: "Welcome back, part of me still hates you with a burning passion but I'm over the worst of it, now pass the salt."

"Still…It's weird to think that you guys don't speak anymore." She mutters. "Never thought I'd see the day where Naruto was without Sasuke and vice versa."

Neither did he.

He's not sure where her mind goes in that moment, but it must not be that pleasant because she gets an odd look on her face that he doesn't quite understand and she stands quickly.

"Well, I'll leave you to…whatever this is. Come to bed soon, okay?" She pats his cheek one last time.

"Love you!" He calls as she already halfway down the hall. She yells back the same and he leans back against the cold tile and closes his eyes.

He can do this, he can totally do this.

…

He can't do this.

It's 5:15pm and he still doesn't know what he's going to wear. He's gone through maybe four outfits that didn't look right for some reason and he's combed his hair in six different directions only to groan and try again. He feels like an idiot because he's acting like this is some sort of _date_ , like he's trying to impress a suitor instead of going to see his bastard of an ex and his equally dreadful fiancé for session of "what's the haps?" and trying not to make eye contact when they both reach for the gravy bowl at the same time.

He feels less awful about it because Ino's not having much luck, either. The few times she's passed by their open bedroom door, on the way to get Menma ready, her hair's been loose, then in a ponytail, then in a bun, and the latest is a carefully woven braid that makes her look younger than she is.

"Just pick something! Sakura says it casual so put down that suit!" She calls from the hall. He sticks his tongue out, even though she can't see him, but drops it anyway.

He almost wants to go with the fur coat idea, but it seems petty and ridiculous thinking about it now. He settles on a long sleeved, grey tunic with distressed jeans that he cuffs at the end and looks at himself in the mirror. He's still in his twenties, for a month at least, so the look isn't too young for him, right? He's a cool dad, he thinks with a snort, and runs a hand through his hair. It's looks how it used to when he was younger—wild and windblown with no set direction—so he

leaves it as it.

Ino walks in with fire on her heels, and he realizes that it's getting late. "Okay, Menma's all ready to go downstairs and I still have to slip my dress on so can you—oh." She says, taking in his appearance.

"What?" He asks, a bit self-conscious. He looks over himself subtly.

"Nothing." She says. "You look…good. Really good. I like it." Her eyes give him a sweeping once over and he grins.

"Of course you do." He responds smugly.

She slaps his shoulder playfully and kisses his cheek. "Go make sure he doesn't try to cut off his hair again." She mutters in his ear, and he snaps to action because he refuses to explain to his mother why her grandson looks as if he has mange.

He can totally do this.

…

Mikoto clearly got bitten by the décor bug because everything's wildly different from the last time he was at the house. She hasn't quite started up with the holiday themes, but he knows it will be coming soon. Even the coat rack he hangs his jacket up on is new, he notes, and he almost feels bad about stepping on the new rug in the foyer (for all of two seconds) before taking his shoes off.

His mother notices, too, with a hint of tartness in her tone. "This is beautiful!" She exclaims, hoisting Menma up for a cuddle. "Where did you get it?" Her eyes go sharp as she waits for her answer and Naruto chuckles quietly in his hand. Kushina and Mikoto have always been in friendly competition for the best house since before he was born, and seeing it still going on makes him feel warm.

Fugaku and Minato are rolling their eyes fondly and giving each other manly pats on the back in greeting before Fugaku envelops him in a tight hug.

"Take a deep breath." He says softly in Naruto's ear and Naruto listens because he's sure this next hour or so is going to be anything but smooth sailing, but he sincerely hopes he's wrong. They make their way into the dining room and he's already strategically mapping out where he's going to sit. As far away from the two of them as possible, which won't be far because the table is only so big.

"Ino!" Sakura practically shouts as she comes out of the kitchen. She's dressed way down from the last time he saw her—just a knee length dress with flats, rosy hair loose and smooth—and she's got some flour on her like she's been cooking. He doubts that, since Mikoto's strict with who can touch what in her kitchen—

(He's a professional but she still slaps his hands away from her stove like he's four years old again and doesn't know how hot it is. It's both parts endearing and maddening.)

-But maybe it's different now because Sakura's going to be…a part of the family, so she has rights that he doesn't.

He takes another deep breath.

Ino screeches back her greeting, and they grip each other tight, rocking each other back and forth. He smiles a bit, witnessing his wife so excited to see her old friend. He supposes he'd feel that way too about you-know-who if the circumstances were different.

Itachi makes his way in soon after, Konan in tow, and Sasuke slinks out of the kitchen slowly with a pot in his hands, as if he doesn't want to be seen. Naruto spots him out of the corner of his eye and pretends like he doesn't. Everyone's hugging and greeting each other beside him and all he can do is stare at the chandelier like it's the prettiest thing he's ever seen.

One step at a time.

"There he is!" Sakura exclaims when she and Ino release each other. She's directing that towards Menma, who's comfortably resting his head on his grandmother's shoulder, watching everyone talk to each other.

"Oh, he's even cuter in person!" and everyone agrees. Menma, the little devil, preens under her attention and Naruto fights the urge to slap her hand away when she reaches to pinch his cheeks. Naruto nearly jumps when he sees that Sasuke's quietly made his way over and is standing near him, and he's looking at Menma with that same lost look he had before when they ran into each other the first time, and it makes Naruto's hair stand on end. Sasuke's eyes slide to him after a moment and Naruto quickly looks away.

Smooth.

Itachi gives him a sly look and leans near his ear. "You're a better man than me," He mutters. I would have spit in someone's face by now."

Naruto leans over and mutters back. "Hey, it still might happen, I haven't had any wine yet." They share a small laugh and Naruto barely catches the strange look on Sasuke's face when he sees their heads close together. For a moment, he's wistful, because he honestly can't read his expressions anymore, but he pushes that feeling down deep and shakes it off.

"Come, come," Mikoto says, "The food's going to get cold!" and they all sit down to eat. So far, so good, he thinks. The world hasn't ended yet. He'll take that as a victory.

"So, what have you been up to, Sasuke? How have you been?" Kushina asks once dinners underway, wiping her mouth with a napkin. Naruto's plan didn't work out as he thought it would; He ends up being only a seat away from Sasuke, Menma in between them. Ino's on his right and Sakura's on Sasuke's left. Mikoto and Kushina sit next to each other across from them with Itachi and Konan, with Fugaku and Minato at the heads of the table. At least their shoulders won't touch, he thinks, and it's a small victory.

"I've been good." He says, and Naruto has to grip his knee hard because he's finally heard his voice after all this time. It's still deep and melodious like in his dreams, with an edge of scratchyroughness from all the cigarettes he must have smoked in his absence that wasn't there before. He wants to groan at the sound of it, but controls himself.

Sakura tuts and waves her hand at him. "Oh, he's been more than good," She says, and Naruto isn't sure if he likes where this is going. "He's going to be running his own company now, aren't you honey?"

Sasuke's mouth flattens into a thin line and he nods. "Yes, _honey_ , I was getting to that _._ " Sakura waves a hand at him in dismissal, and Naruto sees Itachi's eyebrow raise in intrigue at the possibility of drama. Naruto kicks him under the table.

" _Anyway_ ," Sasuke says pointedly, "A couple of my colleagues and I decided to create our own startup tech company here instead of in New York because Konoha's got a good market for this sort of thing."

 _New York_ , Naruto tastes on his tongue. That's where he's been all this time? He couldn't see him fitting in there at all. In his mind, he always pictured him fleeing to an unobtrusive spot in Vermont and living in the woods off bark and berries. Imagining Sasuke in a busy life instead of a quiet one never worked in his mind.

"Sasuke's going to be his own boss!" Sakura pipes up, restless in her seat. She's so excited about it that she can't keep still and Naruto feels a bit of jealously nip at his toes. He would have been that excited, too, if that chair was still his.

He jolts at the thought and sends a quick, guilty look in Ino's direction despite her obliviousness to his thoughts. Her eyes are firmly on Sasuke as he speaks, so it's not like it matters.

There are mutters of congratulations and praises circle the table, and Naruto bites into his chicken to avoid having to say nice things. He nearly groans at the flavor.

"Mikoto, this chicken is amazing." He says. "I have to get the recipe."

She smiles at him and waves her hand, blushing daintily. "Oh this little thing? It's just something I whipped up. It's nothing much." He knows that's probably a lie. She most likely spent hours searching for the perfect recipe and cooked two or three prototypes to get it right before serving this today, but he won't call her on it.

Small conversations continue at the table for a while, and Naruto surveys everything with a watchful eye. He's surprised everything's going so well, even if he and Sasuke still haven't directly spoken to each other yet, and if it continues like this he might even be able to— "So, Konan, do you know the gender yet?" Sakura asks. Konan looks up from pulling apart one of Mikoto's famous flaky biscuits and smiles.

"We decided to keep it a surprise until the baby is born." She says, and her and Itachi smile at each other so sweetly that Naruto could just die. Ah, young love.

Mikoto pouts, no doubt because she planned to buy a million baby things—most likely clothes with the baby's name monogrammed on the front pocket. Both Itachi and Sasuke had to wear shirts like that until they were old enough to say no—and Sakura sighs wistfully.

"I hope it's a boy!" Menma pipes up beside him for the first time since the night began. Naruto's proud that he's been so well behaved for so long, but that might have to do with the specialty chicken nuggets and curly fries Mikoto made for him only and the gaming console Naruto stuck in his pocket for when he got restless.

"I'll share my hot wheels with him." He says seriously, and everyone laughs good naturedly.

"You'd have to wait until he's a little older, Menma. Hot wheels are too small for babies to play with." Minato informs him gently. Menma looks like he doesn't believe him, because who can't play with hot wheels? But he says no more and goes back to his game.

"Ah, I'm so jealous! I can't wait to have children." From the way Sasuke's face screws up, he obviously can. Naruto feels a traitorous little tick at the side of his mouth. "What about you, Ino, Naruto, are you guys going to have another?"

She looks at him like he's the deciding factor in that and he freezes, because no one's made him talk the whole time and now everyone's looking at him with varying degrees of interest.

He takes a deep sip of wine and clears his throat. "That's the plan." He says simply. He ignores the look Itachi gives him.

"We're hoping for a girl this time." Ino chimes in, the smile on her face tight. He can't really figure out why.

"We'll have to go through Naruto's separation anxiety again. Having two kids in school at the same time? He won't know what to do with himself." Itachi jokes, and Naruto rolls his eyes as his parent's chuckle at him.

"Oh right, "Sakura says, "Menma's in kindergarten. It's so cute that he goes to the same school you did, Naruto."

"It's a good school." He says, because he doesn't really come up with anything else.

Menma scoots up in his chair, game forgotten, and addresses Sakura. "Did you know that my Auntie teaches my class? I'm her favorite. She told me."

"Menma…" Naruto warns, and Fugaku and Minato laugh.

Sakura looks confused for a minute until Ino speaks up. "He means Hinata. He calls every one of our friends his aunt or his uncle." She says with a laugh. _Except you,_ he thinks spitefully _._

"Hinata?" Sakura mutters, blinking slowly. "Oh right! She was going to be a teacher!"

She turns to Sasuke and grips his arm lightly. "How cute is that, Sasuke? That Hinata ended up being his teacher?"

"Mhm." Sasuke hums, horribly uninterested in it all. Naruto feels a spike of irritation at him; it's his welcome back dinner, he could at least contribute some more to the conversation.

"Can't that get a little weird, though?" Sakura continues, and Naruto gets a bad feeling. "Since you guys used to date and you see her all the time?"

Mikoto makes an odd noise in her throat and Kushina's face does an odd jump-thing before she clicks her tongue. Naruto can't for the life of him understand why she would ask that question so he just stares at her dumbly.

"Well," Ino says after a minute, smile taut and thin, ruby red warning lights are going off in his head at her tone, "We've gotten really close these past couple years and she married Kiba a while ago." A good response, Naruto thinks, if she would have left it at that.

"And that's like, ancient history. Hinata's a great person and doesn't have the problem of being untrustworthy around other people's partners."

Konan's jaw drops slightly and her eyes light with mischief; she finally looks like she starting to enjoy herself tonight. Itachi's eyebrows fly up through the roof and the look he gives Ino can only be described as impressed. Sasuke's fork stops inches from his mouth and his eyes connect with Naruto's for one horrifying moment and joint realization _of Oh no. Here it comes. We're addressing elephant in the room_.

When he sees both sets of parents shift uncomfortably he thinks, _nope, not happening_. It was going so well. He clears his throat and address Mikoto.

"Seriously, Mikoto, this food is amazing! I should make you come work with me at the restaurant. You'd be a hit."

She takes the bait immediately, bless her. "Oh stop it, you! You're the professional chef, here."

Sasuke sits up straighter and addresses him directly for the first time tonight. "Oh, yeah, Mother told me you've been head chef at a place downtown. What was it called again?" He asks. Naruto does his best not to flinch under his gaze.

"Ivy," Itachi cuts in before he has the chance to respond. "It's where The Hub used to be. The place was _nothing_ before Naruto started working there." Naruto tries not to puff at the glowing review. "When he's on dinner shift, everything tastes heavenly. He's the star of the show. You have _no idea_ what you're missing."

Itachi's tone never changes, never gives anything away, but Naruto narrows his eyes at him because…was that a jab, too? It seemed like it. Itachi's always been way more subtle than Ino ever has been, so he's almost not sure. Itachi sends him a tiny smirk and he sees Sasuke stiffed out of the corner of his eyes.

Yep. Definitely a jab.

This dinner's falling apart faster than Mikoto's biscuits.

Sakura's still stewing in her seat and glaring daggers at Ino, Ino's ignoring her in favor of gulping down her wine like it's the last cup she'll ever see, Minato sighs heavily and rubs his temples, Fugaku looks as if he's going to fake a stomach ache to get out of class and adorable little Menma is oblivious to it all while fighting imaginary monsters on his console.

It might be time to wrap this up.

Konan, the sweet, blessed angel that she is, saves the day by speaking up.

"Oh, Mikoto," She says, "I have more sonogram pictures if you want to see them." She stands with a bit of trouble, Itachi's hand on the small of her back, and inclines her head towards the living room.

Mikoto brightens at that and nods enthusiastically. "Oh, I'd love to!" She stands quickly. "Girls, are you coming?" She addresses Ino and Sakura both. They freeze and stare at each other for a few seemingly long moments before coming to a silent truce.

"Yes!" They reply in unison, and Ino grabs Menma from his chair and settles him on her hip.

"I'll clear the table." Minato says and Fugaku makes a noise of protest.

"You're a guest-" He starts, but Minato's already got a handful of plates so Fugaku starts his own pile to make the work faster.

Sasuke quietly slips away onto the back porch for a smoke, and Naruto turns to Itachi to crack a joke about how they're the only ones left (and something about the results of the dinner, no doubt) but Itachi's already up and down the hall, shouting back a "bathroom!" before the door shuts.

Ah.

Naruto sits at the empty table on his own and pulls out his phone, fiddling with some apps until he figures out what to do. The women are all out of sight, fawning over grainy images of the baby. He wonders how Konan can keep the gender a secret when she's showing them the photos, but she's resourceful and must have figured out a way. The dads are in the kitchen, probably gossiping like old hens. He knows that Itachi won't come out for a while because even after he finishes using the bathroom he's going to stay there to hide until he can leave. It's what Naruto would do.

He doesn't want to sit here by himself, but he doesn't want to join anyone, either. His eyes travel to the back door briefly. Sasuke's sitting alone, too, he thinks, and he wonders what's on his mind.

They only said all of two words to each other the whole night, and he's a bit disappointed, honestly. He'd geared himself up for more. If he's honest with himself, he looked forward to it. He's not sure if he should go out there, because he doesn't know that man on the other side. What will he even say? It'll be awkward and weird.

He's sad, suddenly, and it makes him feel a little queasy that he doesn't know how to talk to _Sasuke_ anymore, the one person he used to talk to about everything. Hell, they can barely make eye contact. It's not like there's not a good reason for it—which would have been worse, in his opinion. To drift away from Sasuke instead of being ripped away—but he can't lie and say he didn't miss the bastard. Even if he hates his guts, there's a part of him that still yearns for the old friend he used to make pillow forts with in this very house.

He resolves himself, because if they have to live in the same city once more, be around the same people and have their lives intertwined again, he's going to…deal with this. This absence, this disconnect. This wide, endless chasm between them. He hopes that Sasuke's willing.

He stands, and slips outside before anyone notices him.

…

The stars are beautiful tonight, twinkling bright in the brisk September air. The moon's rays shine down like spotlights on the lawn while the crickets sing in concert underneath them. Naruto stares at the sky for a moment, just thinking about his place in the universe and how he got to this point, letting the slight breeze blow through his hair as he watches Sasuke's back rise and fall softly with each puff he takes.

Naruto hesitates because he's not sure what he should say. Well, _he does_ , but he's had a bit of wine and he's not sure how it might come out. Luckily for him, if he embarrasses himself right now, he can hop a few fences and hide in his parents' house until he deems it safe to return. It's a route he'll leave open, just in case.

Sasuke's sitting on the steps, one leg up and pressed to his chest. Naruto doesn't need to see his face to know he's looking at the sky, transfixed, with that same look of wonder that crosses his face whenever there's a cloudless night. The cosmos had always been Sasuke's favorite thing; something about vast voids and endless possibilities intrigued him. The moon complemented his personality like nothing else. Sometimes dim and mysterious, other times bright and massive, phases when large parts of him were visible to the world. Sometimes, only slivers of him could be seen, but you know the rest was out there, hiding being a veil of darkness.

It's poetic, really.

But who knows if that's what Sasuke's like now. He could have become completely outgoing while he was gone. He could be the friendliest guy in the world who needs a second phone to hold all the phone numbers he has, just for friends. He could be way too cool and important to talk to someone like Naruto now—

(Not that he's a bum, or anything. He's doing great for himself, but he never left his hometown, hesitates to buy something if there's no free shipping, and is still a mama's boy, among other things.)

-It's not likely, but the doubt is enough to give him pause. He sighs. But he's here now, isn't he? Not quite desperate to talk to him, but there is a ball of anxiousness loose in his system and it presses him forward.

He stands by the stair railing, waiting for Sasuke to acknowledge him first before he speaks. It takes a few seconds, because Sasuke's really focused on whatever star he's spotted, but black eyes slide over to him and his eyelids twitch in surprise.

"Hey." He says lamely, and Naruto snorts. Too cool, huh?

Except, he _is_ cool, with his perfect-fitting black Henley that looks like it's painted on. Relaxed fit pants still can't hide the definition of his legs, and shiny boots that must have cost a mortgage payment twinkle under the porchlight. He let his hair loose once he stepped outside, so the thick strands brush against his face every time the wind picks up, and he tucks it behind his ear with a smooth flick of his pianist-long fingers. He's got an artist look going on—rugged and a bit edgy, but somehow still put together-which is strange, because the last time he checked Sasuke couldn't draw a stick figure to save his life. The thought tickles Naruto, but he controls his face. Either way, the look works for him.

"Hey." He says back, a plops down beside him on the stairs. He taps his hands on his thighs anxiously as he tries to think of what else to say. He sees Sasuke eye his hands before looking back up to Naruto's face with his eyebrows raised high. He's probably amazed that Naruto's just as jittery as he used to be. As he sits, Naruto feels a bubble of hope rise over his nervous energy. He can do this, he thinks, he can totally—

"What's up with you and Itachi?" Sasuke asks suddenly. Naruto turns to face him but Sasuke's decidedly _not_ looking at him.

What. "What?"

Sasuke nearly bends his cigarette with how tight he's holding it. "I mean, are you two… involved?" he asks, gritting his teeth.

Naruto's ball of hope dies an ugly death.

He speechless for a second, because of all the things he could have possibly thought would come out of his mouth, that one never crossed his mind in the slightest.

"ARE," He starts, but realizes it's loud as hell and those inside the house might be able to hear him, so he gets control of himself. "Are you insane? What the fuck, Sasuke?" he hisses.

"I—"he starts, but _fuck that, no_.

"You met his wife, didn't you? Konan, remember? The pretty, _pregnant_ one that's currently showing everyone the pictures of your _niece or nephew_?" He honestly can't believe this.

"You two seemed very close, is all?" He responds in a question, like he's unsure, and Naruto can hear him getting defensive but he has no right to be.

"What? Because we have inside jokes and smile at each other? Because he thinks highly of me? He's one of my best friends! Jesus, Sasuke! I can't believe you'd ask me that like I haven't known him _my entire life_."

"I know, but—"

"I'm _not_ like you!" He spits angrily, and he immediately regrets it. Sasuke rears back like he's been slapped and looks away. Naruto can see him closing off and he rubs his temple.

"No, no." He says. "We're not…I'm not doing this. This isn't what I came out here for."

"Then what did you come out here for?" Sasuke says icily, eyes firmly on his shoes. He's staring at them like they're the cause of all his problems.

"To _talk_ to you." Naruto whines. "Why is it so hard to just _talk_ to you?" The last part is quieter, more to himself, but Sasuke looks up and stares at him anyway.

They sit there for a few moment, looking in each other's eyes silently. Naruto resists the urge to fidget and look away. Sasuke's eyes are still so deep and expressive and nearly too beautiful to look at.

"I'm sorry." Sasuke says finally, and Naruto blinks. "That was totally uncalled for. I…part of me forgets that it's been so long since I was here and things have changed so much. Being back in this city, in this _house_ makes me feel like time's standing still and I just talked to you yesterday instead of nearly ten years ago. When I look at you, we're still twenty and you're still—"He pauses, eyes going pitch black and distant.

"That's no excuse so…I apologize."

Naruto processes his words, finding the meaning behind them. He swallows thickly.

"Thank you." He says and Sasuke nods.

"I understand what you mean, though." He continues, and Sasuke tilts his head to show he's listening.

"Sometimes it's weird to think we're so old, you know? That so much has happened. I'm around the same people all the time so it's crazy to think I've known some of them for fifteen years already. Like how crazy is that? Shit, our parents are in their _fifties_. I never pictured my dad with gray hair, it's weird."

Sasuke snorts. "Yeah. Father's not holding up as well as I thought. If that's what I'm going to look like in twenty years I should go buy a whole aisle of Olay and hope for the best." Naruto's laughter rings like bells and he briefly hears the low murmur of conversation cease suddenly inside the house, surprised, like they can't believe Naruto's outside laughing with _Sasuke_. His smile turns sad at the thought.

"He looks just like you, you know." Sasuke says.

"Hm?" Naruto hums as he's pulled out of his thoughts.

"Menma, I mean. When I first saw him I couldn't believe it. Well, first I couldn't believe that you had a child, then I couldn't believe that you managed to asexually reproduce."

Naruto chuckles and pushes his arm playfully. He almost freezes, touching him casually like this because he's not sure if he should, but some of the tension eases out of Sasuke and his smile slides wider.

"Hey! Ino's in there, too! He has her toes." He jokes.

Sasuke looks at him sideways and asks carefully. "How'd _that_ happen, by the way?"

Naruto rolls his eyes because he knew this was coming from a mile away.

"You mean Menma, or me and Ino period?" Sasuke shrugs.

"Both, I guess."

"Three words: Jameson. Irish. Whiskey."

Sasuke looks at him like not sure if he's joking or not, but as he watches Naruto grin he bursts into laughter.

(A black candle been lying on its side, blown out by a harsh wind, with the dripping wax forming horrifying creatures on the ground beside it. The joy he feels at making Sasuke laugh lifts it and sets it right.)

(Silently, the candle re-lights.)

"That'll do it." Sasuke says once he sobers.

"I haven't touched a drop since." And they both erupt into giggles again.

"I'm so glad you're happy." Sasuke mutters in sudden seriousness. It makes Naruto sit up straighter.

"Seeing you all together…it's just…beautiful." He says, and it sounds so heartfelt and genuine that Naruto feels…he doesn't know what he feels.

"Thank you." He replies and means it. "What about you, Sasuke? Are you happy?"

It's a loaded question, he knows. You don't just ask people straight up if they're happy.

(That's always been strange to him, as if people are so scared of hearing a 'no' they'd rather not ask at all.)

But he's curious. Once he stopped wishing death on him—which took much longer than he'd like to admit—he always wondered if Sasuke was doing okay, wherever he was. If he was taking care of himself, if he still ate exactly five fries after each bite of a burger—

("It's a good ratio!" Sasuke would cry when he would get teased about it. "I won't have that many left over when my burger's done this way!")

-if he was able to get to sleep easily without staring at the ceiling for two hours until his eyes couldn't stay open anymore. It he still bites his nails when he was nervous or eats so many peppermints that he gets a stomachache because he loves them so much.

He wonders because he's loved this man his whole life.

He might not have been _in love_ the entire time, but love was always there.

(And oh, how _divine_ it was.)

It didn't die just because their relationship did, and the concern he fosters for Sasuke never disappeared even in the darkest of his days. It hid from him, because it knew it couldn't take the heartbreak and the concern all at once. But once he started to heal, it returned quietly and settled in.

"Probably not." Sasuke says simply, like it doesn't matter. A little bit of Naruto's heart breaks. "Or I guess I should say that I'm happy in some parts but not others."

"What parts aren't making you happy?" He probes. Because part of him feels like he knows the answer (and he's being vindictive) and the other part yearns to see how he might be able to help.

He's too nice. He's starting to see why people take issue with that.

Sasuke goes quiet and purses his lips, like he's not sure he should share his problems right now.

Naruto sits patiently, hoping he'll change his mind because he _wants_ this. He wants to continue.

He wants this to be flesh instead of just bones.

"I didn't think I'd be able to love anyone else but you." He sighs out, and Naruto nearly swallows his tongue. No, he thinks, not now. It is one thing to just…just look him in the eye and it be _okay_ —not agony. Not ecstasy. Just okay— but it's another to air out everything they never had a chance to say. He knew they were going to have this conversation at some point but he was never going to be ready for it.

"Sasuke—"He tries but Sasuke shakes his head softly and he shuts his mouth.

Sasuke chuckles humorlessly. "Because it was _always_ you. Before _you_ even figured out it was me, it was you." Naruto sighs because it's the truth, and his chest starts to feel tight and heavy.

"I loved you with _all_ the goodness and carelessness in me, everything I had, and I ruined it." He scoffs, more at himself than anything, and Naruto wonders how many times he's whispered this same thing to himself, over and over and over, at the darkest time of night when no one's there to hear.

"I just need to know one thing," Naruto interjects quietly, "Was it…were you with her before I found out or was it…"

"No." Sasuke says quickly and firmly.

"It was that one time, a one-time thing." He cringes. "At least, at the time. I can't say that anymore."

"Okay." Naruto mumbles. It doesn't change much but that anchor has slipped loose and sunk into the depths, at least.

"And I hurt you so bad." He continues like he hadn't heard him. "The way you looked when you came in, it was the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. The one person I…and I didn't even stick around and see it through."

Naruto starts wringing his fingers together because he needs something to do with them. It's already happening, so he might as well.

"I won't lie to you; the _nicest_ thing I called you afterwards was a coward."

Sasuke smiles weakly. "Yeah. I know."

Naruto bites his lip while Sasuke sighs.

"You know, I didn't think it was over right away." He says after a few beats of silence. Naruto looks at him in question.

"It was so fucking arrogant of me, but I thought 'there's no way he's leaving me. We can work it out. We can't break up, it's just not going to happen.' I thought I'd give you a few days to calm down and we'd be able to talk, but two weeks passed and you were nowhere to be seen so I started doubting myself."

Naruto blinks and lets him go on.

"I tried to see you." He says.

"Really?" Because Naruto was under the impression that Sasuke kept his distance the whole time.

"There was a different gatekeeper at the door each time I came." There's a tiny smile but it doesn't look mirthful. "First, it was Neji and he told me he'd beat me within an inch of my life if he caught me trying to see you again."

Sounds about right.

"I believed him, because he was always in that damn dojo and strong as fuck, and he always liked you better than me."

Also true.

"Kiba at least talked to me when he came for your stuff. Told me I didn't have the right to be near you when I didn't have an explanation for what I did."

That strikes a chord in him for some reason. "What do you mean?"

Sasuke looks at him briefly and sighs. "I was drunk out of my mind. I only remembered bits and pieces of what happened the night before. At first I thought maybe it just looked bad and I didn't even sleep with her, but no…it was…it happened." Naruto nods. Even though he already knows

this, it still stings.

"Minato was the one that made me stop trying. He didn't even say anything particular mean or profound, he just said "No." and shook his head and I don't know, maybe it was because he was like another father to me, but the look on his face nearly made me cry on the way back to the apartment, cause I knew it that was it."

Part of Naruto is upset that his father never told him this, but he gets it, because it really wouldn't have changed anything.

"I couldn't tell my parents because I was so embarrassed. I didn't want them to be disappointed in me. Itachi punched me in the face once it came out, though. Probably the worst graduation I ever had, even considering middle school's when the stage caught on fire."

Naruto chuckles despite himself.

"I…I guess I'm saying this to say that I'm so sorry, Naruto." And Naruto can't look at him anymore because his heart hurts too much and he can't ignore the way Sasuke's eyes are filling. "I know that we'll never be how we used to and that's my fault, I know that, but I missed you so much all this time and it killed me not to come back and check on you, to have to stay so far away from you. But I knew you needed time to heal and…rebuild yourself without me. Because I had to fix myself, too, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm so fucking sorry." He goes, and the last part almost comes out as a sob.

God, he missed him, too. It was always the hardest part, besides being angry and hurt, the itch to see him, to hear his voice, to wrap himself in his arms. It ate at him more than anything else. Most of all, he missed his friend.

Sasuke the Lover was deep and intense, cautious and calm. He handled Naruto with the utmost care and his kisses tasted of black magic, like things unexplored, like home and honey. He'd lay on Naruto's chest on quiet days and their hearts would beat in time. The Lover made him weep in joy and adoration.

But Sasuke the Friend was wild and free, careless and loud. He jumped in puddles with new shoes on and kicked over the garden gnomes in Mrs. Bailey's yard because the way her face turned red would make Naruto laugh for hours. He gave no mercy at Mario Kart and used to save certain stickers out of the pack because he knew Naruto liked them, he'd run through the pouring rain with his hand in Naruto's because the movie they wanted to see for months was starting soon and no one gave them a ride. He hated the taste of lime and whenever he ate it, the face he'd make was hilarious. The tears he cried with The Friend bubbled out of mirth and exhilaration.

He spent so much time trying to separate the two, but he couldn't. Because in the end, it's what made him _Sasuke_. He doesn't know what makes up Sasuke anymore.

"Do you think you can ever forgive me?" Sasuke asks. He'd have to be stupid if he thought Naruto was over it. Not yet. Not completely.

(Not at all.)

"I don't know, I never tried." He responds. It's the most honest he's been with himself in these last few weeks.

Sasuke deflates, and Naruto scrambles to reassure him. "But I'm willing to. I'm willing to try. That's why I came here, so we could…try."

Sasuke smiles at him. A smile that rivals the moonlight.

"Okay, so! Let's start over! Clean slate. Hi, I'm Naruto! What's your name?" He says, jumping

right into it.

Sasuke rolls his eyes. "That's really stupid, Naruto. We're not doing that." Naruto gasps in fake offense.

"Well obviously _someone_ hasn't changed a bit. Rude and uncalled for, Sasuke, really."

"I thought we were starting over, Naruto? You can't say I haven't changed when we're not supposed to know each other. You're breaking your own rules." He's got that dumb smirk on his face and Naruto wants to slap him.

"Fine, fine." He'll play along. "I just met you and you're kind of a dick. What's up with that?"

He feels lighter than he has in years.

They talk for a while longer, cracking jokes and keeping the conversation light. He knows this isn't going to be the last time they talk about their past, and even though he's bursting with happiness right now he knows that hard and angry days are right around the corner. Right now, it's enough to have Sasuke doubling over with laughter and leaning into his shoulder whenever Naruto cracks wise. It's enough when Sasuke pokes his face to make fun of his cheeks for being so round still.

It's enough.

"We should probably go back inside soon. Show everybody we haven't killed each other."

Naruto says after a time. " _Yet_."

"Yeah." Sasuke says, coming down off the last of his chuckles.

They stand in unison, and Naruto marvels at the way the light catches his eyes and illuminates the smirk on his face. He catches his arm before he opens the door and Sasuke looks back at him in question.

"Oh right, I forgot." Naruto says casually and Sasuke tilts his head curiously.

Naruto grins. "Welcome home, Sasuke."

The sleep he gets that night is quiet and peaceful. He leaves the blinds open a sliver so he can see the moon.

…

He was stupid to think it would be that easy.

…

3.

"Satetsu."

Sasuke's stalking him.

It's not obvious at first, because Naruto's a busy man and sometimes doesn't pay attention to his surroundings like he should. Maybe it's good that this is happening, maybe this is life's way of saying: "Hey there, buddy, slow down a bit. Take in the scenery every once in awhile."

Maybe, but probably not.

It starts off innocently enough. About a week after the welcome back dinner, Sasuke shows up at his restaurant. He's on the dinner shift all this week. Usually, Dinner and late nights aren't so bad, it's just that this week there are a million festivals and events that bring hundreds to the city, which means a full house morning, noon, and night. He's a little frazzled and frustrated because his whole staff decided to forget how to function all at once and he hasn't had the chance to take a break since droves of people come in one after the other.

He makes a break for the bathroom before he snaps and chokes someone out, stopping in his tracks when he sees Sasuke standing by the host stand with a pretty redhead on his arm.

 _Who—_? He thinks, before deciding it's definitely _not_ his business if Sasuke brings some woman that isn't his fiancé to dinner at his somewhat pricey restaurant. Maybe she's just a friend? A colleague? Hell, maybe he and Sakura have an open relationship or a swingers type thing going on.

He's decidedly _not_ a bit jealous that Sasuke never lacks for pretty ladies at his beck and call.

Still, he's nosy as hell (a trait his mother passed onto him) and walks at a snail's pace to see if he can catch where they'll be seated. If he knows Sasuke, which he does (at least a little), then he's made a reservation and won't have to wait in line like some sort of commoner. Sure enough, the hostess finds his name and guides them to a two-seater by one of the huge bay windows.

His eyes catch Naruto's while they make their way and Sasuke tips his head in greeting. Naruto can't help but raise an eyebrow, looking back in forth between him and the girl, hoping he gets the hint. Sasuke's eyes narrow briefly, confused, before a light of understanding shines in them and he gives Naruto a dry look, shaking his head as if to say "no, there's nothing going on between the two of us."

Sure, as if he'll believe that.

His bathroom break is short, and when he gets back to the kitchen all thoughts of Sasuke and his mystery girl are forgotten while he has to deal with this mess of a service. He doesn't see when they leave. When it's time for him to go home, the hostess stops him on the way out and hands him a small slip of paper.

"This really cute guy left you a note." She says. "It's too bad he came with that lady, because I totally would have slipped him my number."

Naruto rolls his eyes and takes it from her, shrugging his jacket on while his eyes scan over the note.

 _She's one of my business partners, Idiot._

 _Her name's Karin and no, I'm not fucking her._

 _P.S, Itachi was right, the food was amazing. My compliments to the chef. -S_

Naruto chuckles on his way to his car and throws the paper in his glove compartment for safe keeping.

The second time they happen to be in the same place, it's at the grocery store. To be fair, there are only two grocery stores in their immediate area, and since Sasuke's apartment isn't far from his own house, it makes sense that he'd end up at one of them. Naruto's out with Menma on a

Saturday buying fruit snacks and cocoa puffs when he runs into Sasuke on the frozen food isle.

He's pushing his cart slow, looking down at the list in his hand with an annoyed expression. Naruto's surprised to see him, but when Sasuke looks up, he doesn't seem surprised at all. Not even a raised eyebrow or a widening of the eyes. He simple regards them coolly and smirks slightly. For some reason, Naruto feels a tiny bit wary but shrugs it off. It's a neighborhood market. Anyone can show up at the neighborhood market, right?

"Oh!" Menma says recognition, and points in Sasuke's direction. "Papa! It's…um…"

Naruto gently pushes his hand down and scolds him softly. "Don't point, Menma, It's rude. Yes, I see him, it's Sasuke." He says.

"Hey." Sasuke greets, smiling his best smile first towards his son and then towards him. Naruto isn't impressed, but Menma's won over immediately and smiles back full force.

"Are you here for ice cream, too?" He asks excitedly, standing up in the cart. Naruto would have Menma walk beside him since he's too big for the front seat now, but his son's a little too excitable and might run off into the ether, never to be seen again. The compromise is to let him sit in the back of the cart and regulate what comes in and out of the cart.

Sasuke chuckles and nods. "Yeah, I was craving chocolate and had to come get some. It's my favorite flavor, what's yours?" he asks, and Naruto braces himself as Menma's eyes light up and he starts his speech about the wonders of cookie dough ice cream.

They ring up at the self-checkout right next to each other, and when they get out to the parking lot, Sasuke's car is only two spaces down from his. Naruto sends him a suspicious look but Sasuke's the face of innocence as he loads his groceries in the trunk.

"Bye, Uncle Sasuke!" Menma says, and Naruto tenses up. Sasuke looks pleasantly surprised and waves at him while Naruto silently curses his child's friendliness. The last thing he needs is for him to get attached to Sasuke and having him be upset when this whole thing ultimately crashes and burns. Not that he's betting on it, or anything, but there's a reason why he's extra careful who he exposes his son to.

"Bye Menma." Sasuke calls back, and Naruto decides he likes his name better coming out of his mouth than Sakura's.

The third time he knows something's up because when he pulls into the parking lot at the dry cleaners, Sasuke pulls up not two seconds later.

(Ino refuses to" ruin" the majority of her dresses by washing them on the gentle cycle like a normal person, so she makes him go back and forth and spend extra money because she thinks herself too good to use some Gain.)

This time, it can't be just a coincidence, because this dry cleaner is out of the way, farther away from home and handpicked by Ino herself. It's not in the neighborhood and isn't one of those

$2.50 cleaners that have your stuff ready by the end of the day if you get it in by a certain time. Granted, maybe Sasuke's a stickler for quality (and annoying as hell) like Ino, but it smells fishy and Naruto's not one to ignore gut feelings.

He doesn't mention it and goes on about his day.

It's like this for two more weeks. At the gas station, when he spots his sleek black car in his rearview mirror and narrows his eyes.

In the hardware store, when Naruto refuses to call a plumber and swears he can fix the downstairs bathroom sink himself, and he sees Sasuke slipping past his isle quickly when Naruto looks up.

In the Noodles and Company, when he's eating a quick, healthier lunch inside because of the rain (because he can't stand fast food these days), and Sasuke's coming in with expensive sunglasses and an equally expensive umbrella—

(What a fucking douche, right? Who buys name brand umbrellas?)

-mumbling a quick "To go." To the cashier with hearts in her eyes.

He's had just about enough.

What's his problem? What does he think he's doing? Naruto has no idea, because Sasuke's always been a bit creepy when he wanted to be, but this takes the cake. He gets a bit paranoid, thinking he might be lurking in his closet at night, waiting for him to fall asleep so he can stand over the bed and _watch_. Ino gives him odd looks but lets him silently freak out and leaves him to it. Bless her.

"What's up your ass?" Jiraiya asks, watching him tap his fingers on the desk

anxiously.

He's at the Hiruzen Gym today, Jiraiya's gym, because he's been a bit of a health nut lately and since the old man's basically family he gets half off the membership price.

"Nothing." He says, tapping harder. Jiraiya rolls his eyes and goes back to reading his book. It's probably some sort of erotic novel but Naruto's not too pressed to find out. Last time he got a look at one of those books, he couldn't look Jiraiya in the eye for two days.

"Well _that's_ clearly a lie, which is weird, since I usually can't get you to shut up about your problems."

Naruto sucks his teeth, insulted. "When have I ever—"he starts, but Jiraiya cuts him off.

"Does this have to do with that Uchiha boy who came back recently?" He asks. Naruto sighs.

"Everyone knows, huh?"

The look he gets makes him feel stupid. " _Of course_ everyone knows, it's the talk of the town, boy! Nothing this gossip-worthy has happened since…well, since he up and left the first time."

"I guess." Jiraiya waves him off.

"Seriously, I've been meaning to ask you how you felt about it. I know you two used to…" He makes an obscene gesture with his fingers and Naruto has to laugh.

"I'm fine." He says. "That's over and done with. I'm making an effort to get along with him now, actually."

Jiraiya's raised eyebrow says he doesn't believe it—about which part, he's not sure—but he hums and taps his chin instead of calling him on it.

"So what did he do to get your panties in a bunch?" He asks.

"What makes you think it—"He starts to say, but amends it. "I don't see how that's any of your business."

Jiraiya looks offended at the thought of something _not_ being his business.

He goes to say something else, but his eyes snap up as the front door bell rings and he mumbles: "Speak of the devil."

 _No_ , Naruto thinks. Absolutely not.

This is _his_ gym, okay? He's been going here for as long as Jiraiya's owned the place, which is as long as he can remember. Jiraiya's _his_ godfather—basically his grandfather since both of his have long passed—and this is his private place where comes to get a moment of peace and quiet.

Sasuke _does not_ get to follow him here.

Jiraiya raises an eyebrow at him and Naruto makes a face. He huffs and walks away from the desk, speeding away and ducking into the locker room so he can spy on whatever the bastard's doing.

The setup's normal; Sasuke's wearing gym clothes—ponytail, a t-shirt that shouldn't be allowed because it's so tight and joggers that ride low on sturdy hips, making him want to weep—but Naruto's not stupid, of course he'd look like he was planning to work out instead of being a creepy weirdo that won't leave him alone.

He chats with Jiraiya a bit, probably about a membership and the rules of the gym, pulls out a credit card to pay, and then makes his way towards a bench to stretch.

Naruto hides out for a little while longer, trying to see how committed to this Sasuke is. He knows that Naruto's here, having seen him at the desk beforehand and his car outside, but will he leave if he doesn't catch sight of him again or will he wait him out and only leave when Naruto does?

 _No_ , he thinks again, he came here to work out and he'll be damned if someone stops him. The place is big enough for the both of them. He doesn't have to say two words to get through his routine and then once he leaves he'll go home and get a fucking restraining order on him. Yep.

Easy peasy.

It's easy enough, for the most part. Sasuke stays to the treadmill mostly and Naruto keeps to himself while lifting hand weights. He fucks up when he lays down to do the bar. He sees a grey leg out his peripherals and nearly drops the bar on his face in surprise.

Sasuke's upside down face appears above him. Naruto sighs.

"You need a spot?" He asks.

Naruto stares at him with the strongest glare he can muster. "Why not?" He says. "You've had no trouble spotting me recently, it seems."

Sasuke face is carefully blank, devoid of emotion in such a way that Naruto doubts himself for a moment. Maybe he was wrong, maybe he was being overly sensitive to his presence and he's making a big deal out of nothing. He berates himself internally for a moment before Sasuke's stone face breaks with the tiniest, sheepish grimace.

He looks off to the side, mouth ticking up with the trace of a smile. "That obvious, huh?"

Naruto nearly brains himself trying to sit up so fast. He spins around and faces him.

"What the hell, Sasuke?" He hisses, careful not to disturb the other patrons. "This is _so_ not cool."

It looks like it takes everything in his power not to stomp his foot in a tantrum. " _I know_ , I just…" He starts.

"You just _what_? Thought you'd catch me alone, put me in your trunk, and then make a mask out of my face?" He might be overreacting a bit, and he's watched too many horror movies lately with that same premise, but whatever.

Sasuke snorts incredulously. "What?"

"Shut up." He sneers. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I…" Sasuke sighs, crosses his arms, and looks everywhere but him. Oh no, he's got to hear this.

"Words, Sasuke. Use them."

He gets a withering look in return but at least it spurns him to action.

"I don't know," He mutters, and that's such bullshit _oh my god_ —"You said you wanted to trying being friendly again and I got…overly enthusiastic I guess? I thought I could speed up the process if I ran into you a few times on purpose, you know, and we could talk but every time I saw you I sort of froze and chickened out but you already saw me so I couldn't…run away."

What.

"I already know I'm pathetic, you don't have to say it." He continues. "And I know this is weird and it's making you uncomfortable but I—"

"Sasuke." He says firmly, cutting him off. "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard." He nearly laughs at the look he gets in return but decides against it, because Sasuke's always been super sensitive when he thinks someone's making fun of him and Naruto doesn't want him to shut down.

"Since when have you been too scared to talk to me?" He asks because seriously, Naruto's always been the friendliest, most approachable guy and Sasuke has enough confidence to last the both of them.

He doesn't get an answer right away but he didn't really expect one. He sighs and lays back on the bench.

"C'mon, then. Spot me." He says, and Sasuke does so without looking at him. Naruto's so focused on lifting that he almost misses what Sasuke says next.

"I'm terrified I'll say the wrong thing and ruin everything." He mumbles bitterly. " _Again_."

He doesn't really have anything to say to that because it's not what he expected.

"Can't you just ask for my number and text me?" He asks. "Because you're doing the most right now and to be completely honest with you, nothing you could possibly say could turn me off like

this is."

Sasuke's lips tip slightly. "That's fair."

"Damn right it is." He holds out his hand and Sasuke dutifully places his phone in it. Briefly, he thinks he's being too nice. If it was anyone else he would tell them to fuck off and run for the hills, but something about Sasuke's willingness to embarrass himself just for the chance to _know_ him again touches him in a way he didn't think possible and despite being alarmed earlier, he finds it sort of…cute.

God help him.

"There."

Sasuke takes the phone and then raises an eyebrow at him. "Why did you put a penguin next to your name?"

"Because I like it?" Naruto responds, looking at him oddly. "You act as if you've never used an emoji before."

"Because I haven't?" He retorts sassily. "We're grown men?"

How rude and lame. "You know what? I changed my mind, I don't want to talk to you anymore.

Delete my number." He laughs when Sasuke rolls his eye at him.

They end up finishing their workout together, after Sasuke apologizes maybe twenty more times and Naruto takes pity on him and says he'll let it go if he promises to stops acting like an axe murder. Sasuke, of course, agrees, while Jiraiya sends him knowing looks every time he passes them by on his way to and from his office.

Over and done with my ass, his face says, and Naruto tries his best to ignore him.

"It's getting late." Sasuke notes, sweat dripping down his front with his hair plastered down in a way that must be uncomfortable. Naruto's not fairing much better. He'll be sore tomorrow and he probably should have stopped a while ago, but he got so caught up in talking to Sasuke that he lost track of time.

"Shower?" He says, tipping his head over towards the locker room.

The place emptied a while ago—most of the people here are older and like to leave once it starts to get dark. There's still a few stragglers left and the later crowd will be coming in in maybe an hour or two. Naruto's been coming here long enough that he can time it right most of the time—which is good, because he hates taking showers in public places and hates seeing wrinkly old man asses even more.

"You know, you're like, crazy muscular now and it's kind of freaking me out." He says conversationally, raising his voice so it can be over the water. He hears Sasuke fiddle with the knob for a second before he responds.

"No more than you." He responds and Naruto scoffs. Oh please, he got a little definition while Sasuke looks as if he drinks muscle milk with his morning cereal.

"How'd that happen by the way?" he asks.

"I cut most of the gluten out of my diet." Naruto laughs at that, which is completely stupid because he's in the shower and water falls into his mouth, causing him to choke. He hears Sasuke laugh at him from the stall over.

"Oh god," he says once he gets himself together. "You're one of _those_ types, aren't you? Are you gonna tell me about the wonders of kale next?"

"…It's not as bad as you think." He mutters awkwardly, and Naruto snorts.

He turns off the facet and grabs his towel from the hook next to him. Sasuke does the same and they step out together.

"I'll take your word for it." He says coming down from chuckles. He looks up to see Sasuke watching him silently, appraising, and Naruto wonders if he's said something wrong before Sasuke rushing forward and kissing him square on the mouth.

Oh.

His eyes are wide open as he stares at Sasuke pressing forward for all its worth, eyes shut tight and crinkled. His body is still warm from the shower and the towel wrapped around him isn't doing much to separate their bottom halves, so Naruto's dick gives an interested twitch.

 _Sasuke's kissing me_ , his mind goes, and there's a swift wind that accompanies those words, whooshing in his ears so he can't hear anything but the gentle _tap, tap, tap_ of the showerhead. He swallows, body unmoving, solid and firm on the ground, and before he can do anything—

(Run, punch him, _respond_ )

Sasuke's pulling back and cursing colorfully, threading his fingers through his hair and closing his eyes.

There's no real words going through Naruto's mind right now, just a handful of floating question marks and exclamation points that make noises but won't form sentences.

A flat "What?" is all he manages to get out.

"Fuck!" Sasuke curses. His expression is absolutely _wrecked_ and Naruto's heart twists uncomfortably. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—Oh shit, I'm sorry, Naruto. I should go." Yes, he should. He should get out and never come back. Never even look his way again because that was _decidedly_ not okay. He should—

Sasuke runs his hand through his hair once more and then turns towards the door to go back into the main part of the locker room. He's probably going to get his bag, get dressed, and run to his car without looking back. Naruto would, if the shoe was on the other foot. But Naruto catches his arm and keeps him there because oh no, he's not getting off that easy.

Sasuke flinches when he touches him and tries to pull away. "Naruto—"he starts.

"Do it again." Naruto says firmly, pressing closer. It comes out like an absolute command, which is strange, because he _doesn't know what the fuck he's saying_. "This time, when I'm ready."

Sasuke looks at him like he's lost his mind, but the dark glint that rises in his eyes says that he's strongly considering it. Naruto presses even closer, letting his breath fan across the other man's face, which is all Sasuke needs to take his face in his hands and make Naruto forget his next few thoughts.

They both groan at the same time, backing up quickly into one of the stalls in case someone comes in. He tastes like mint and power, and Naruto never thought he'd know that again. Sasuke crowds him up against the cold tile and scans his body hungrily. Naruto quivers at the intensity in his eyes, dark and promising, and Sasuke kisses his ear and whispers softly: "Tell me to stop."

He litters kisses on his neck and bites sharply on his collarbone. "Naruto." He groans deeply, and Naruto has to ball his fist and bite his lip to keep from making noise.

"Tell me to stop."

He slides down Naruto's body, hands everywhere, warm and sweet, keeping eye contact with Naruto as he makes his way to his goal.

He shouldn't—he needs to—he's got to—

But the minute Sasuke envelopes him in his mouth, eyes never leaving his, Naruto thinks of nothing else.

…

They refuse to look at each other afterwards, sitting on opposing benches. They're fully dressed, but Naruto's body is wracked with shivers of cold. Naruto knows his eyes are wide and unseeing while Sasuke's are low and guilt-ridden.

He needs to stay calm. He can't have a panic attack. Not now. Not now.

"It's my fault." Sasuke says numbly. Naruto jerks when he hears his voice. "I kissed you first. I should have—I should have left."

"I didn't let you." Naruto responds, and his voice sounds far away to him. "I didn't tell you no."

 _Because he wanted it_. He feels bile rise in his throat and stands quickly. Sasuke's eyes follow him up, questioning, but Naruto can't look at him anymore.

He flees, power walking past Jiraiya at the desk who calls to him on the way out. He gets as far as his car before he promptly throws up all over the pavement.

…

He exiles himself to the couch that night.

…

The guilt eats him alive.

A fresh gnawing that renews itself each day with the sun, clawing at his insides and at the seams of his lips when he catches sight of golden-blonde hair on the pillow next to him.

He pretends all day that's nothing's wrong—work, work, work, pick up your son, Naruto. Kiss your mother and keep down all the food she gives you. Let your wife lay her head on your chest and try not to vibrate out of your skin—but he can't hide from the night.

Night time is the worst. Ino sleeps soundly, soft puffs of air against his shoulder rhythmically, eyelids fluttering with unseen dreams. Why shouldn't she? She didn't betray their relationship.

That was all him.

Night after night he lays on his back with his eyes wide open and thinks, _what came over me_? He knew beforehand that they were still attracted to each other; he doubts that will ever change. Knew they were still _attached_ to each other in ways he can't explain to anyone else. But, this? It's too much.

He lied before, saying he wasn't like Sasuke. He was worse.

He betrayed his wife—his _wife_! The mother of his child!—in the same way he had been, with the same fucking perpetrator in a dirty shower stall when he should have been home, tucking his child into bed and kissing his love goodnight. He's worse, because he loved every second of it, couldn't take his eyes away from Sasuke's burning eyes and didn't shy away from his scorching mouth or touch. He still feels the other man's hands like brands on his skin, and every thought of it brings fresh tears to his eyes because he's sick. There's something wrong with him because there's no reason for him to still be…so in love with him after all this time.

He covers his mouth to hide a hiccupping sob, snapping his eyes to Ino to make sure she still asleep. He wishes that he would have kept on his path, the path of pretending that he was over it, over him. That they could be friends again after _everything_. That his heart still didn't beat in time with Sasuke's or faster at each passing thought of him. He'd come to terms with his farce. Was set up to let it wallow in the darkest pits of his mind and try to ignore it for eternity. Something inside him snapped when Sasuke said he was going to leave after he kissed, something thin and tightly wound. His brain whited out and his body screamed _no, you can't leave me. (Not again_.)

And he ruined everything.

He wants to tell her, but he can't. He knows Ino, knows that she's capable of and what she won't stand for. She'll leave him and he doesn't want that. He loves her, wholly and truly loves her and their family. She's been his rock, his best friend. The keeper of all his darkest secrets for a while now. She's so strong, so no matter how much it hurts she'll leave if she's being disrespected. He know this.

Oh god, what about his son? If Ino goes, she'll take him away. He knows it. And he'll be forced to see his son only on weekends and Menma won't understand why mama and papa aren't together anymore. He'll probably grown up to resent him once he understands that it was Naruto that tore their family apart. He can't lose this. He can't lose bath time and family game night or trips to the ice cream shop where Menma piles on every flavor and Ino ends up wiping both of their mouths with a fond smile on her face because Naruto never grew out of his messy eating. He can't, he can't, he can't—

(He won't survive being alone again.)

He knows he must look a mess from not sleeping for so long, but no one mentions it because he keeps steady with his daily life, throws himself back into his routines (like before, before Sasuke came a fucked it all up) He can't afford to go into a tailspin this time. It's different now. He has people that rely on him. He doesn't have _time_ to fall apart, at least, not outwardly. So he sucks it up and ignores the long looks he gets from everyone around him.

 _I'm sorry._ He gets from an unknown number one night. It's not hard to figure out who it is. He forgot to save Sasuke's number in his phone before, back at the gym, only giving out his. His finger hovers over the delete button, because he should erase it. He should obliterate any trace of correspondence between them. He should push Sasuke back out of his life and keep away from him as best as possible. He was a fool to think they could be anything other than lovers or strangers.

He saves the number anyway.

He avoids him for weeks. It isn't hard. He gets updates from Ino about how Sasuke's new business is going—everything's going _great_ , of course. He's a _brilliant_ entrepreneur, the newspapers say—so it must be taking up any and all of his free time and Naruto's got complete radio science and he doesn't catch sight of him once for nearly the first half of October.

It's even colder now, dipping into the forties while still in the daytime. He'll have to get his coats cleaned soon because his light jackets and thin scarves aren't holding up anymore.

(His birthday comes and goes. Thirty. Wow. It seems like a dream. He has a nice party with all his closest friends and his family and smiling through it all isn't hard when they're around. Sasuke texts him happy birthday, because of course he never forgot. There's a fifty dollar gift card in the mailbox for him with no name attached, so he sends out a 'thank you' but gets no response.)

He has the day off but nothing to do. He doesn't want to do anything but sit around and let his brain tell them all the ways he's terrible. But even that gets exhausted after a while. Naruto decides that he might as well be a productive piece of shit and plan for a few things coming up. While he's scrolling down Amazon looking for Halloween decorations and outfits—

(Because his family takes the holiday very seriously and he needs the perfect matching costumes for him and Menma. He's thinking Batman and Robin or Ash and Pikachu. It's a hard choice)

—when Ino sits down next to him on the couch and sighs deeply. He tips his head in acknowledgment but continues scrolling.

"You're depressing me, Naruto." She says and he looks at his from the sides of his eyes. She huffs and shuts the laptop down and snatches it from him before he can get out a word of protest.

"Seriously, you've had a dark cloud over your head for head for weeks and frankly, I'm tired of it. Does this have something to do with Sasuke?" She asks, and his whole body turns to stone. He panics for all of two seconds, because she doesn't know. She couldn't. No way. Unless Sasuke said something to Sakura, who in turn shared with Ino all the dirty details. That fucking son of a

bit—

"Did he say something to you that you didn't like? I know you guys we're trying to be civil, but honey, he's still the same old dick he used to be." She says matter-of-factly. "Hell, since Sakura was away so long, I kind of forgot how much of a bitch she was in person. I remember her being a lot more fun for some reason. An "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" sort of thing, you know? Trust me, I get it." No, you don't.

Not in the slightest.

"But I can't have you…like this." She continues with absent hand gestures in his direction. "So I'm kicking you out of this house."

Alarm bells go off in his head because _what the hell_? "What?!"

She looks completely unimpressed by his panic. "I mean for the night, babe. Calm down. Call a friend. Go out. I know I am." She rolls her eyes and throws her hair over her shoulder. He just notices that she's wearing a sinfully tight dress and high heels that must hurt her feet without standing on them. It's not much different from her everyday wear so his brain must have decided not to dwell it.

"With who?" he asks, because this is news to him.

Her eyes go a little shifty and he narrows his. "Oh, the girls, you know. Hinata, TenTen, Temari…" she trails off.

"And Sakura?" he responds dryly. Because she's a no fun bitch but apparently Ino's still into that.

"Yes, and Sakura." She sniffs. Her eyes are sharp, like she's ready for an argument if need be. He can't right now, because he doesn't give a shit at this point if she wants to keep hanging out with her, even if they're always at each other's throats. That's her business. He's tired of arguing about the same old things.

(For maybe the fifth time today, he wishes fiercely that _they_ never came back. They never disagreed so much before, never went days rolling their eyes and sucking their teeth like they couldn't stand to be in the same room with each other. Everything used to be _fine_.)

"What about—"He starts.

"Menma? I already called my mom, she'll be here to watch him in like, ten minutes." Ino finishes.

He's still trying to find a way out of this, so he tries again.

"Someone still has to be up early to go get—"he says, and she raises a well-manicured hand to stop him.

"I picked it up today. Don't worry about it." Dammit, he doesn't have an excuse, then.

Ino sees that and smiles triumphantly. He crosses his arms and tries not to pout because he knows he's lost.

"Go get dressed and call somebody that can make you have fun." She says and kisses his cheek.

"I told my mom to tell me if you stay in so don't even think about it."

"Fine." He mumbles. She smiles tightly at him and with another flip of her hair, she disappears up the stairs.

He doesn't want to go in the slightest, but having to hear her mouth if he stays will be worse. Ino really knows how to chip at his calm, fabricated or not, and her going on about him being a sad sack will drive him crazier and he might say something in anger that he really regrets.

He calls Gaara.

They met years ago, used to be coworkers at his old job. Gaara got fired for punching a busboy in the face (and breaking his nose) who got a little too mouthy for his liking. He only got worse from there. He drinks like a fish, he smokes— _snorts_ —just about anything and refused to be tied down or tamed by anyone.

Naruto loves him like a brother.

He calls him because he's maybe the only person that won't judge him right now. Won't gasp dramatically if Naruto tells them what's eating him, won't stop answering his calls and take sides. It's kind of fucked up to say, but Gaara's never been that good of person (and doesn't believe in monogamy or relationships in general) so he doesn't think it's possible for Naruto to disappoint him with all his drama.

He always ends up doing something stupid with him, like streaking down the middle of the street or throwing eggs at Gaara's neighbor's car who keeps parking in his space like they're teenagers again. Gaara's timeless fun.

He's exactly what he needs right now.

...

The club he ends up at is too loud for his liking and he feels ridiculous. He doesn't know why he's been feeling so old lately, but he feels totally out of place among the other partiers. They're all young, barely _legal_ young, with outfits way too light for the weather and eyes already low from whatever they had before they came. Maybe it's because he's not fresh out of college anymore, has a nine to five with a family to boot, but he doesn't feel the need to dance to the pulsing beat anymore and drinking himself dumb until he blacks out seems like a gross, distant

memory.

But Gaara told him to meet him here and honestly, Naruto could use some fun.

Its dark, with kaleidoscope strobes lights flying in every direction. There's so many tightly packed, sweaty bodies gyrating in this place that he doesn't know how he's ever going to find Gaara before the night's over. He gets bumped into way too many times in his short walk to the bar and he feels his irritation rise steadily with each footfall.

"Finally got tired of hanging with the lame ass friends of yours?" The scratchy voice on his right quips. Gaara leans into the bar sultrily, a slow smile crawling on his face.

Naruto grins, feeling his body ease slightly at the sight of his friend.

"You just hung out with those lame ass friends of mine a couple of days ago so what does that say about you? And _of course_ you'd be by the bar." He says.

Gaara's smiles slides wider. "Naturally." He says, raising a shot glass up in salute and throwing it back easily. "Happy birthday, again. Now I don't feel bad for not getting you anything."

Naruto chuckles. He's the only person that he hopes never changes.

He feels slightly uncomfortable around all the alcohol and drunk people. His nose twitches at the waves of honey and hot spice that waft around him. It's starting to give him a headache. How did he do this before? What was so appealing about it? Maybe a club really is no fun unless you're experiencing it drunk.

"Where's Lee?" He asks loudly over the music, looking around. Because those two are never far apart.

(Are they just roommates? Best friends? Fuck buddies? Who knows? He doesn't even know if Gaara gets down like that, he just knows they're a package deal that no one really minds and silently goes along with. That's also a story for another day.)

Gaara shrugs, motioning the bartender to pour him another. Naruto wonders how many he had before Naruto even showed up. It could have been any number from one to ten, because Gaara's notorious for holding his liquor.

"Hopefully he's getting some from that sweet thing that hit on us earlier. I would have taken her myself, but you called and you never call anymore." He says, and Naruto hears a hint of bitterness in that statement, at which part he's not sure, but lets it slide. Because it true, he got totally lame and boring (or lost the ability to club hop and stay up till five in the morning three days in a row), becoming more serious and more like a real adult. Besides Lee, Naruto's probably the most stable friend Gaara has—

(Which says _wonders_.)

–-so it wouldn't surprise him if Gaara missed him a bit and was a little sore about Naruto's distance as of late even if he doesn't say it.

"Speaking of which," Gaara says with another quick swig of his drink. "What'd you fuck up this time? You get that girl of yours pregnant again? You've been all twitchy since you're party."

Naruto scoffs. "Who says I fucked something up?" He's suddenly nervous because this weird bastard could always read him better than most. "And no." he adds quickly. That last part actually wouldn't be such a problem for him, this time, but he doesn't say.

Gaara rolls his eyes and throws a companionable arm around Naruto's shoulders, sitting him down at the bar, facing away from the crowd. He leans in close to Naruto's ear.

"Thank fuck." He says, popping the 'k'. "Now, don't act like you don't only come to me when you're running from something. That's what I'm best for and we both know it. Now, tell me what's wrong."

He sighs, defeated. "Yeah, I fucked up. Bad." He whines. Gaara nods knowingly.

"Mhm. Good. I don't give a shit." He says casually and Naruto makes an offended noise in his throat and glares. Gaara ignores him, and makes another gesture to the bartender.

"Then why—"he starts angrily, but Gaara cuts him off.

"Calm down." He commands, and Naruto does. "I mean, we don't need to talk about it because you're not going to tell me all the details anyway and it's going to piss me off. It's not how you work. So, we're going to get you fucked up, make you dance a little bit, and forget all about it." With that, he slides a shot in front of Naruto and waggles his eyebrows.

Seriously, like a brother.

He hesitates, because he hasn't drank a single drop of hard liquor since before Menma was born. Sure, he's had wine, mostly at social functions and sometimes to just take the edge off, but when he was in that bad place after—he would drink himself stupid day after day and almost had to have his stomach pumped a few times. He got the intervention treatment from his friends and family with his father yelling at him that he'd drop his ass off at rehab any day now if he didn't get his act together so he swore off the stuff. Right now, as it swishes in the glass like a tiny galaxy under the lights, it's so tempting to drink his problems away. Like he used to. It doesn't escape him that the reason he turned to the bottom the first time is the same reason he wants to turn to it now.

Ha.

Gaara raises an eyebrow and raises his own glass to rest on his lips. He doesn't drink yet, just waits for Naruto to make his choice. They stare at each other quietly for a moment and he lets himself get lost in the pulsing sound all around him. He picks it up and catches Gaara fierce grin as he brings it to his lips. He thinks, briefly, how Gaara's red hair really reminds him how much this man is the devil on his shoulder.

It burns so bad going down. He calls for another.

The next few hours are a blur.

He dances wildly to at least twenty songs he doesn't know. He's never been much of an electronica man, but something about the beats tonight get him fired up and ready to go. In reality, it's probably the liquor that does that, making him tingle and presently warm. Gaara's on his fourth girl, grinding against her and kissing her neck. Lee joins them after a time with a stunning girl that's all over him. Naruto thinks that she must be the one Gaara was talking about earlier.

They're both even drunker than he is and can barely keep upright.

He's been hit on way too many times and it makes him uncomfortable. He doesn't plan to repeat what got him here in the first place, so he politely turns them down. Watching Gaara though, he's sort of envious. He wonders what it's like to be that free, uninhibited, _single_.

He's never been like that, never got the chance. He's thought about it before, but it hits him hard right now that since he started dating, he's been in one relationship or another longer than he's been out of one. It took nearly six years for his major relationship to fall apart and he was only twenty one then, he got Ino pregnant soon after at twenty three. Twenty two might as well not count because he was out to lunch that entire year and can't even remember what he did.

He always wanted to know what it felt like but never got the chance. He just buried that want like he did everything else and went on with his life. He'd continue to do so for as long as he could.

He starts to feel a bit tired after hour three. Like he said, he doesn't have it in him anymore to party for hours on end anymore. Gaara's still in full swing, taking body shots off a _maybe_ twenty something that maybe snuck in here with a fake I.D. He doesn't really want to harsh his buzz, but he won't be able to keep this up much longer. He thinks about calling a cab, but he kind of wants to be with someone he trusts right now and doesn't know if he can get outside by himself.

He thinks of calling Ino, but she's probably having fun with the girls, probably forgetting all about her downer husband that messing up her whole vibe. Probably living it up right now at a twenty five and up lounge like he should be instead of being here. He reconsiders.

He stumbles outside for some fresh air and to get away from all noise. He can't stand the honeyed scent of whiskey in his nose anymore.

He _really_ shouldn't, he thinks as his finger hovers over a number he shouldn't have thought of. The whole point of tonight was to escape Sasuke, to banish all thoughts of him to the realm of darkness that lives in the back of Naruto's mind. He wouldn't call Naruto depressing like Ino would, though, or a buzzkill like Gaara will when he hears Naruto wants to leave. When Naruto would get drunk and sleepy, Sasuke would wrap him in a blanket and bring him ginger ale, rubbing his back until he fell asleep. That would be nice right now.

Sasuke picks up on the second ring.

"Naruto?" He asks carefully. Naruto closes his eyes and nearly groans when hearing his voice. It might be one of his favorite things in the world.

He falters, wonders what he should say now that he's been a fucking idiot and actually called him. He hears the sound of keystrokes and shifting on Sasuke's end, and he imagines him sitting on the couch in sweats with his hair tied up, working on business on his laptop with reading glasses. It's a nice thought. Did Sasuke need reading glasses anymore? Did eyesight get better like that?

Probably not.

"Is something wrong?" Sasuke asks, probably wary of Naruto's silence. Naruto drags himself out of his thoughts and remembers to respond.

"I'm drunk." He announces. He can almost see Sasuke's brows furrowing from the other end of the time. "I'm really drunk and my friend's having fun and I want to leave but I don't want to go home." He thinks he hears the sound of keys jingling but he can't be sure.

"Do you need me to come get you?" Sasuke asks hurriedly, like he's worried Naruto might change his mind and hang up any moment.

"That'd be nice." He replies before he backs out.

"Okay." Sasuke says. It's that easy. "Tell me where you are."

He does, relays the address the best he can and promises Sasuke that he'll stay with people and in a well-lit area while he waits. He makes his way inside to tell Gaara that he's leaving, finding him in the same place he left him. He's still dancing with the same pretty girl from before. Now that he's sobered a tiny bit from being in the fresh air he can see how badly they're dancing together and has to laugh. He taps Gaara's shoulder to get his attention and leans in close so his friend can hear.

"I'm gonna go, man." He slurs, patting the side of Gaara's face.

Gaara frowns at him. "It's not even midnight yet, Naruto. Stay, c'mon."

Naruto shakes his head in refusal and Gaara sighs, pulling away from the girl he's with.

"Just give me a second." He says and Naruto shakes his head again.

"It's cool. I got a ride." He wouldn't go if Gaara was here by himself because he hates leaving people alone, but Lee's cooled down a bit and his making out with his new girl on one of the couches nearby and he knows they'll stick together for the rest of the night and he has nothing to worry about.

Gaara grabs his wrists and looks at him with suddenly focused eyes. Naruto's taken aback by how serious he gets.

"Are you sure? Do you need me to wait with you?" He asks and Naruto feels a flood of warmth at his concern. Naruto grins.

"Nah, I'm good. Thanks, though. I love you, too." He says, making kissy faces in Gaara's direction. Gaara scoffs and rolls his eyes before pulling him into a quick hug, whispering:

"Don't let him destroy you, Naruto." In an oddly cryptic tone and Naruto is suddenly colder than a block of ice.

"What?" He asks.

"I said: Don't let it destroy you. Whatever it is." He repeats, his face straight and closed off. Naruto chalks it up to his inebriation that he heard it wrong the first time. Gaara waves him off until his shocking head of hair is lost in the throngs of the crowd.

It doesn't take long for Sasuke to arrive in his sleek black car. The club isn't that far from his place, but he's surprised that he managed to navigate the city traffic so quickly when everyone's out looking for a good time. Naruto straightens himself when he pulls up, hoping he won't fall on his ass or trip while he makes his way to the passenger seat.

He slips in the car without incident and avoids looking at Sasuke. He can't help but catch that other's man fingers are tapping the steering wheel and his leg bounces up and down, making an odd noise against the leather of the seat.

"Thanks." He mutters and Sasuke nods in response.

"Where to?" he replies quietly, already putting the car in reverse and backing up.

"Just drive around I guess." He rolls down the window and breathes in deeply. "I'm too drunk to go inside anywhere right now and there's no way I'm going home like this."

It's a lot to ask, because Sasuke already came to get him late at night and now Naruto doesn't even have a set destination in mind, just expects him to chauffeur him around until Naruto feels like he can stand up straight. He almost takes it back, but Sasuke just nods and pulls out into the street, cruising at a leisurely pace.

They're quiet for a while. Sasuke tries turning on the radio on, but the first song they hear is the sultry sound of Adele, crooning about her lost love and Naruto snorts when Sasuke scrambles to turn it back off. He just drives for who knows how long, and Naruto nearly falls asleep to the sound of the tires hitting the pavement.

"I didn't think you wanted to see me." Sasuke says after a time. Ah. That obvious, huh? He thinks, using Sasuke's words from before.

"I didn't." he replies casually. Sasuke purses his lips but says nothing.

"I guess I find it hard to stay away from you, I guess." He continues honestly, looking over at the seat next to him. Sasuke meets his eyes for a second but then quickly turns them back to the road.

"I can understand that." He says simply.

They lapse back into silence.

There's a long red light at next block. They rode into a more residential area a while ago so the cars thinned out and they're alone at the stoplight. Naruto shifts uncomfortably at the thought.

Sasuke leans back into his seat and wipes a hand over his eyes. Naruto follows the movement and wonders if Sasuke's tired. He wants to ask if work's stressing him out, if he needed a break from his responsibilities for a moment and Naruto calling was an easy way to achieve that. They don't talk about things like that, because the attempt at being friends failed and they're back to being acquaintances again, so he doesn't ask.

Acquaintances don't do things like this for each other, though.

"Seriously, thanks." He mutters. "For coming to get me. I couldn't stay there another second.

You're a life saver." The words taste odd on his tongue, like metal and ash.

Sasuke side eyes him and places his hands back the wheel. "I thought you didn't drink anymore." He murmurs a bit suspiciously.

Naruto chuckles. "I don't." he says, as if that explains everything. Sasuke's face screws up and he looks at Naruto fully.

"So what's this, then?" he asks dryly.

Naruto shrugs and runs a hand through his hair. "Guilt? Despair? Intense, all-encompassing regret? Take your pick." Sasuke lets out a noisy sigh thought his nose and shifts in his seat. "Sorry." He says quietly. Naruto almost says "it's not your fault" automatically but stops himself, because it kind of is. Half of it, at least.

"It's fine." He replies tartly, staring forward at the glowing lights above him.

"It's not." Typical Sasuke, he can never let sleeping dogs lie. "I should have left, or stopped. I should have never let this happen." He _really does not_ want to talk about this right now.

"Sasuke—"he starts, but Sasuke continues on like he hasn't heard him.

"And the worst part is, I want it to happen again." Naruto jerks and turns to look at him like he's insane, because he as to be, right? All he's heard is "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" like it was the only phrase Sasuke knew for weeks and now he's pulling a complete one-eighty on him.

"What?" Naruto questions loudly. He's too drunk for this.

Sasuke sets his jaw and tightens his hands on the wheel. "I want it to happen again." He says firmly, and it sends tremors down Naruto's spine. "And again and again and I —"

"Stop!" Naruto says, a red hot blush rising in his body. He can't believe the nerve of this guy after everything that's happened, that he would just say something like that and think it is okay. "Are you insane? Have you lost your fucking mind? We _can't_ , Sasuke! Because you're going to have a wife soon and I already beat you to it! _Remember_?" because the rat bastard must have forgotten at some point, surely.

"I _know_." Sasuke basically whines. Naruto tries to block out his voice but it's not working. "But I _want_ you and I don't know how to stop." He says.

Shut up, shut up, shut up—

"I love you." He states brokenly. Naruto's heart drops. He pictures it, like that ride at the amusement park that falls suddenly and fast, wind whipping up and vision blurring. It always takes his breath away like the same way it's stolen now. He says it fiercely (like he used to), his eyes get intense and fathomless and the look he gives him is absolutely heartbreaking. _No, no, no_ —Naruto thinks. He can't do this.

" _I love you_ and I—"Naruto unhooks his seat belt and throws himself out of the car, noting the light turned green in his flurry of movement. Sasuke's out in a flash with him; he nearly rounds the front of the car as Naruto's slapping his hands over his ears.

"Shut up!" he cries. He's too drunk for this, too guilty, too sad and regretful. And he already knows. It's obvious that Sasuke still feels something— _everything_ —for him, but he never expected for it to be said out loud. It's too much. He _can't,_ he just can't.

'Naruto—"

"No!" He nearly roars, pressing his hands harder. "You don't get to do this! You don't!" Sasuke's face contorts into something ugly but Naruto ignores it.

"You ruined everything! You came here and you…you just fucked it all up because that's what you do best!" It's cruel, he knows, but he can't stop. It's his own fault, because he sought him the first time, welcomed him home and back into his life. It's his own fault, but it's easier to blame him for every problem he has like he always has.

"So…just shut your fucking mouth and leave me alone! I'm not listening to this!" He sees exactly when Sasuke snaps and takes a step back warily.

"Fuck you!" Sasuke shouts furiously, and Naruto's afraid of him for the smallest of moments.

"This is your fault, too, you don't get to blame it on me. You wanted it just as much as I did!"

"No—"He goes to deny, but Sasuke's not having it.

"Bullshit! You stopped _me_! You told me to kiss you again! Don't act like I'm some sort of…some sort of monster that forced myself on you! You just don't want to admit that you still fucking care and you're talking all your confused bullshit out on me and I'm not going to fucking put up with it!" he's nearly huffing and Naruto's sure that's the most passion he's heard out of Sasuke in a long time.

He feels tears rise up in his eyes. It's true. It's completely true and Naruto hates it. What can he say back to that? Anything he can think of would sound weak and hollow and he's too tired to think of anything in his own defense.

It sucks. He just keeps messing up over and over and digging himself deeper and deeper into a hole with everyone around him. He's taken on the role of the destroyer now. The one who ruins and rips peace to pieces because of his own confusion and insecurity. It sucks.

He sniffles and sees Sasuke's face soften at the sight of it. He hates it, because the last thing he wants is for Sasuke to attempt to comfort him after yelling at him, so he turns on his heel and begins to stalk down the street. It's fucking far from his house, he probably won't make it back before 2 am, but he's set his mind to do it so here he goes.

He hears Sasuke make an odd noise and the sound of shoes hitting the pavement. He turns right before Sasuke's hand reaches his shoulder and he raises his hand to block it. Sasuke's hand twitches back and he lets it drop back towards his side.

"Don't touch me." He hisses and Sasuke suddenly looks so _tired_. He sighs and runs a shaky hand through his hair.

"Get back in the car, Naruto." He says simply. They stare at each other silently until Naruto looks away in defeat.

They walk back in an eerie quiet that rattles Naruto's bones. The air feels cold against his skin for the first time during the night. He realizes then, dryly, that he's sobered up enough to stand up straight.

As they drive back to his house, he debates jumping out and becoming a stain on the sidewalk. He refuses to give himself the satisfaction.

When they pull up, Sasuke doesn't look at him but mumbles just loud enough for him to hear: "Don't call me again."

Naruto's laugh is bitter and humorless. "Yeah. Gotcha. It'll never happen again." He says, hoping out of the car and slamming the door.

He doesn't look back.

…

When he wakes up in the morning, the black guilt has been pushed aside to make way for hot-coal anger. He resolves to keep it to himself, to not destroy everything he has over someone like Sasuke. He'll be happy. He'll move on. Even if it's out of spite. He'll forget that man ever existed and erase every trace of him.

Maybe it's for the best.

…

4.

"Dokugiri."

There's an odd sense of peace he gets from all this…this mess in his life. He not sure why, but after that last falling out he finally feels like he can move on. There's sort of a sick feeling of victory he gets, knowing that Sasuke still loves him, like he's won something. Like it wasn't just him looking stupid all this time because Sasuke sat and wondered about him too, _pined_ over him, wished he could still be with him. There's solace knowing that his agony was shared, because afterwards he struggled with thoughts about he wasn't good enough, how he drove him to it with actions unseen, that maybe Sasuke didn't love him as much as he said he did and laughed at him behind his back about how blind he was. He knew it wasn't true, he _knew_ , but to hear confirmation was like music to his ears. It feels like a victory.

 _Ha ha_ , he thinks, even though it's fucked up and cheap, _you're just as screwed as I am_.

 _I wish it wasn't like this._ Is the only text he gets in the weeks that follow. He almost snaps back at Sasuke for breaking the no contact rule—except, it's more of a guideline, really. Texting doesn't count as calling. It doesn't—but instead he stares at the words in silence for longer than he'd like to admit and doesn't respond.

He tried, but _me too_ sounds like a sigh and _so do I_ seems odd and out of place to him.

He doesn't get anything else.

He goes on.

Because life's not going to stop for petty drama and his bills still need to be paid. He's got people to see and places to go, and a family to pay attention to. They come first. In his time of silence, he resolves to be the best husband he can be. He's going to listen more, do more household chores, spoil her and make her the happiest woman in the world. It's the least he can do. He just hopes she doesn't get suspicious of his better behavior and question why he feels he must improve himself and alter his actions. He hopes she'll be happy at his attempts to better their marriage and lives.

But it's Ino he's talking about, so he can never be too sure.

Halloween comes fast, bringing in some unseasonably warm weather that Naruto's grateful for. It climbs high, near the 70's, so he's thrilled that he won't have to cover up his costume with a coat tonight. He ended up going with Batman and Robin, because it was always one of his favorite comics as a kid and Menma looks way too cute with the mask and tights on. Ino laughs at him in the days leading up because he keeps making Menma put the costume on a model it around the house so he can take pictures.

He sends at least twelve to his mother but it's never enough and she keeps requesting more. She responds with old pictures of himself in the costumes he used to wear and they both marvel at how he and his son look so much alike, as usual. He realizes she must be feeling nostalgic, and they talk about how it's crazy that he has his own child to dress up for holidays no instead of being the one dressed up. He realizes he'll miss this, when Menma's too old and doesn't want to dress up anymore with him, like his mother does. It makes him a little sad, and as if Ino reads his thoughts, she leans into him and pats his face in pity.

"We've got at least another eight years before he can't stand the sight of us." She says.

They both laugh together. "That's true." He responds.

His good cheer is dampened slightly when he's dubbed a thief after eating most the candy they were supposed to set out for the neighborhood kids—it's really Ino's fault, because she keeps healthy snacks in the house to torture him and there was _so much_ chocolate staring him right in the face—so he has to make a run for new bags the day of. She must be insane, has to be, because there's no way he's going to find even one single M &M on the shelf, let alone a whole bag. She gives him a stern look with her hands on his lips and he caves immediately. He's doing it for the children.

It's a mistake, and he knew this before stepping out of the house. The first store he goes to is like a ghost town. The employees look at him like he's crazy when he asks if they have anything left. Even the little rows near the registers are cleared out. He leaves defeated. The second store only has candy corn left, and he'd rather die than be known as the candy corn house. That shit's gross. The third store's candy selection starts and stops at juicy fruit. He curses his sweet tooth on the way out, opening his new pack of gum and popping one in his mouth. His last hope his the dollar store.

Luckily for him, there's a selection that's good enough for Ino's standards, and the even better thing is that it's all a dollar. He fills up his basket and the lady at the register clearly judges him but he ignores her and makes his way out feeling triumphant.

He's loading up the car with his bags when he looks up and sees her across the street.

It's Sakura. She's switching between looking around and looking down at the paper in her hand, eyes scrunched up and confused. She looks lost and a little hopeless, and Naruto stuck-still watching her. He thinks her beautiful. She always has been, with her delicate features and fairylike hair. It's been pink so long that he doesn't remember what her natural color is. Brown maybe, or black. Neither of those fit her as well as pink does.

Watching her, his mind wanders. He's wonders where he went wrong with her. Why she felt the need to hurt him so. They used to be so close, you know? They always had fun. He loved her like a sister. But he wonders, when he was so blind in love, if he neglected her. If he ignored her and her feelings and she finally got to the point of fuck it, I'm going for it and damn the consequences.

But that's not right, because he never knew how deeply she felt about Sasuke. It should have been obvious, he guesses, but he never paid any attention to how she must have felt. To watch her best friend get everything he ever wanted, and everything she wanted was already spoken for. While he fluttered about, so far _in love_ , she must have suffered.

But he hates her, oh how he _hates_ her, so any pity he might have had, _once_ , is shriveled and dead. If he's honest, it's truly ambivalence, because there's still a tug he feels at the sight of her that doesn't feel like hate. It feels…sad, like longing, like he wants old things back that are lost and can't be found again. It's almost funny, because he's got to be the king of that, of wishing for a timeline that doesn't exist in the universe anymore. One where they lay next to each other on the floor for hours in silence, in peace, with the soft brush of her hair on his cheek.

That feeling is why he stands there for so long, just watching her, and his feet move on their own across the street. He beeps his car with his key over his shoulder and raises a hand in greeting when she looks up in his direction.

"Hey." He says easily in greeting. "Haven't seen you around lately." Not that he's been looking. If he was, she'd be easy to find, because her and Ino are never far apart these days. It's a bit of a bitter thought, because Ino got her best friend back easily enough, while all he got was more pain and regret.

She looks incredibly surprised—maybe because he's talking to her _willingly_ or at his sudden appearance, maybe both—and it takes her a few seconds to respond.

"Oh, hey!" she says once she gets together. "Yeah, I've been pretty busy, you know, with everything. It's good to see you!" She tilts her head and smiles tight.

What a lie. He knows it's not. "You too! So, what are you doing right now?" he asks, because he's genuinely curious why she looks so lost when she used to live here before. It's been so long, so it makes sense that she could have forgotten the way. Google Maps is a thing though.

She looks back down at the paper in her hand, debates with herself, and then looks back at him sheepishly.

"I've been looking for this new fabric store that just opened but for the life of me, I can't find it."

She says. "There's so many new places that've opened up and I got turned around."

Sucks to suck, he thinks. You've got other things to do, you don't have to help her. She'll make her way eventually.

It's what he tries to tell himself, but that's not who he is. He can't let a lady wander around on her own even if it's broad daylight.

"I know where that is." He wants to punch himself _in the face_. "I'll take you."

Her eyes light up and she smiles genuinely this time, so he knows he's trapped. At least the fabric store is near enough to the dollar store that he won't have to walk far when he needs to get back to his car.

The quick text he shoots off to Ino says he'll be gone a little longer, but he'll be back before show time. She doesn't question him, only sending a thumbs up and leaves it at that.

"You're a lifesaver, Naruto. I can't thank you enough." She says after he starts steering her in the right direction. It's not that huge of a deal, but he can tell she's trying so he'll go along with it.

"Mhm." He hums, because he really doesn't know how to respond.

She stares at the side of his face for a moment, looking like she's having an internal struggle about what to say next. He knows that feeling well and waits on her to make up her mind.

"This is so weird." She says with an awkward chuckle. He raises an eyebrow but doesn't interrupt. "You helping me, I mean. You being anywhere near me, really. I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives avoiding each other as much as possible. But that's "Nice Naruto" for you. I'm glad that didn't change."

Her tone at the end is thoughtful and a bit sad, and he has to keep himself from getting defensive in the moment, because being called nice is nowhere near an insult. Usually. But most everyone around him uses it like it is.

"We can be civil." He says simply instead of disagreeing. "You're friends with my wife; it'll be easier to be nice to you instead of treating you like a plague I don't want to catch."

"Your wife…" she mutters in a weird way, like she's not sure if she should laugh or not. "That's even weirder."

"What? Us being together?" he asks. He wonders how many more times he's going to have to answer this question in his life. Is it really so hard to believe?

She nods and he resists the urge to roll his eyes. Whatever. He doesn't have to explain himself to anyone, let alone Sakura.

"Yeah, I didn't think you liked her like that. Stranger things have happened, I guess. Anyway, I think that it's sweet that you're willing to get along with someone you can't stand for her sake. It really is."

"I don't hate you." He says weakly. It's not exactly a lie, but he cringes at how flimsy it sounds.

She gives him a tight smile.

(I don't hate you. At least, not _all_ the time. Sometimes, in my memories, my heart goes looking for who I thought you were.)

"But you don't like me either." Sakura tips her head to the side knowingly. It's not a question.

 _True_ , he also says, but in place of that he goes with: "Not anymore."

"Not anymore…" she echoes. She says it low and more to herself but he hears it anyway.

They fall quiet. He thinks of just telling her how much further she'll have to walk and leaving her to it, but he wants to see this through. Running away each time he gets uncomfortable doesn't count as "getting over it", especially since he insists on putting himself in these situations.

"I missed you a lot." She says suddenly. "And I honestly didn't think I would."

Great, he thinks, _here we go again_. Because there must be some handbook out there that states: whenever you get Naruto alone, tell him all the things you've had on your mind for the past few years with gaps and no filter, regardless of the setting. How exhausting. He almost wants to stop her right there, but something in his mind tells him to let her talk, because whatever it is she's about to say, he doubts he'll get the chance to hear it again, and something tells him he needs to.

They've stopped walking now, stationary near a bus bench. He turns to face her.

"Like, I really got it in my head that I didn't care about you. That it would be okay if you hated me because I would _finally_ be getting what I wanted. I honestly convinced myself that I wouldn't care and that it was all worth it." She looks at him then, eyes sharp and serious. The passion of it surprises him. "But you'll never be just a stranger on the street to me, Naruto. You were one of the best friends I ever had and look at us now, right? It's tragic."

"You never told me." He nearly whispers, because his throats getting tight and he doesn't want to fall apart in the middle of the sidewalk with all these people around. "You never told me that you loved him."

Sakura shakes her head and closes her eyes briefly. "And what would you have done if I did? It would have just be awkward. My feelings weren't your responsibility, Naruto. I should have just…I should have been able to let it go."

He didn't want to go there, but they're here now and his heat's rising so much he can barely see straight.

"But you didn't." He says bitterly, and she looks away from him.

"I didn't." She repeats. He would think she was nonchalant, uncaring about the whole thing, but she licks her lips nervously and blinks her eyes quickly, maybe to fight off tears but he can't be sure. "I thought I deserved to be with him, because I had to work for his attention and you never did. Do you know how hard it was for the rest of us to get close to Sasuke? All he talked about was you. All he _thought_ about was you. He felt like he didn't need any other friends if you were around. I had to fight tooth and nail to get him to even _look_ at me some days. I used to feel so good when he did, but not for long because the next day he'd go right back to being with you all the time and I had to start all over. I knew it wasn't your fault, but I really started to resent you after a while."

He remembers Sasuke saying similar things to him: that he really didn't care if he had anyone else because none of them were Naruto. Eighteen year old him thought it sweet and adorable, but he truly never thought about how the others must have felt, wanting to be friends with Sasuke and having to put in extra effort to be considered worth his time. It couldn't have been easy.

"Do you know how proud I was when I _stole_ him from you?" She says with a laugh. It borders on hysterical and he's reminded that they're doing this in the _middle of the street_. He looks around to see if anyone's watching, but they aren't. Of course they aren't, because nobody gives a shit about their problems but them. Even so, he doesn't want to do this anymore.

"Sakura—"He tries.

"I was over the moon. I thought I'd won the lottery. I'd always said to myself, 'if you can get his mind off of Naruto for two seconds, he'll pay attention to you.' And I was right."

He's not sure what he's feeling. Anger? Yeah. Quite a bit of pain. The urge to spit in her face before body slamming her on the pavement and running home. He doesn't. He just stands there and listens, like he maybe should have years ago.

She snorts to herself. "But I wasn't. Because he left, and I chased him, and then what?"

Naruto's confused. What does that even mean? "You're engaged, Sakura. You guys are going to be married. That's what." It comes out dry because he honestly doesn't know what she's on about.

She shakes her head, smilingly bitterly, and he braces himself.

"You think he actually loves me?" She says, staring him straight in the eyes. He swallows thickly.

Whatever he expected, that wasn't it.

"When I first found him, I thought he might kill me. He was so angry and I didn't understand, couldn't understand. I loved him with all my heart and he was yelling at me to go away." She says, eyes going far off as she relived her memories. Naruto watches her speak in shocked silence.

"I told him that and he said 'and?' like it didn't even _matter_. I think I started crying then but it didn't even phase him. So I left, but I kept coming back to try to win him over. He would get madder and madder and so would I until I finally snapped and told him I was all he had left because no one else gave a shit about him anymore. _That_ shut him up, let me tell you."

She pauses and swallows. "He let me stay after that. He only touched me when he was frustrated or sad. He slept around with so many other people and I knew it but I never said anything. He used to mumble in his sleep about you and sometimes I'd catch him crying when he thought I wasn't home. All I did was ruin him. He only asked me to marry him because I got really depressed and wanted to leave and he panicked. When I pushed about it, he was so bitter and hateful when he told me 'you're all I've got.' I couldn't even be mad because they were my own words."

She fully begins to cry then, and some people around them take notice. Naruto can't even attempt to comfort her because his mind keeps repeating _holy shit, holy shit, holy shit_. He didn't need to know this. It's not his business. It doesn't change anything.

But it does, because watching her cry in front of him—ugly tears, fat gulping shaky ugly tears— his ball of hate loosens for her and he starts to feel…pity. She was a girl in love that wanted it _so_ bad, but reality came knocking and pushed her to the ground. He can't help but feel for her.

Naruto starts to pull her back in the other direction, back towards his car, because she's in no shape to go anywhere right now. "C'mon, I'll drive you home." He says with a sigh. What a right mess this turned out to be. She tugs out of his hold before they make it two steps.

"You really didn't deserve it, Naruto. You're such a good person, and you really didn't fucking deserve it." She sobs and he just feels really, really tired.

A good person? He's not sure if he can say that anymore.

"I get it Sakura, I really do. I forgive you." He just wants the conversation to be over. He just wants this whole thing to be _over_. It's taking so long and they talk in circles, but it's interesting to note that everyone's in the same state of stasis that he was. They just hid it better. "Let's just forget about it, okay? We can just move on—"

She cuts him off, which is good, because the lies are acid on his tongue.

"No, we can't. You don't have to lie to me. I know we can't. I'm always going to be that bitch that ruined your life." She not exactly wrong, but he doesn't say that. "I thought he'd be happier here, because we both were miserable in New York and I just want him to be happy. But it made me feel worse, because he could be near you again and you were the one making him happy. He told me there would never be anyone else for him but you, and he's probably right. But I'm trying my best and it's still not working."

"Why are you telling me this?" He asks, getting irritated. He doesn't need to know.

"Because you needed to know." She responds, wiping away some of her tears.

"Because all I did by hurting you was hurt myself, and I deserve it."

He can imagine what this looks like to someone else, her crying and him damn near yelling at her while trying to pull her along. He doesn't feel like being the point of gossip, _again_ , so he tries one more time.

"I told you that it's okay, Sakura. Just…just come on, I'll take you home and—"

"I don't want to go back there. I can't. Not right now." She mutters with a sniffle. He fights the urge to stomp his feet and throw a fit because this is _not_ how his day was supposed to go.

"Okay, fine, where do you want to go?" he asks, impatient. Oh, he's going to hear about this later, because he sees the little gossiping old ladies out and about and they're casting glances at them every few moments, whispering to each other. It's going to be a full blown scandal by nightfall. He's so stupid, he thinks, he could have just gotten in the car and drove home but he just had to be Nice fucking Naruto, didn't he?

She wipes her face and ducks her head. "It's fine, Naruto. I'm okay." She lets out a little laugh and he cringes at the sound of it. "God, this is so embarrassing. I'll uh…I need to be alone so I can calm down. Don't worry about me."

He almost goes to argue, but for once in his life he's going to take someone's word and run with it because he's completely drained and he doesn't want to hear anymore.

"Are you sure?" He asks carefully, because she looks terrible and he doesn't want her to go do something crazy.

"Yeah. Thanks for trying though. You're still a stand-up guy, even after everything and I'm really glad. I'm glad you got the chance to be happy, Naruto. I really am."

He's tired of hearing that. He really is.

Is he really going to leave her crying on the side of the street by herself? Really? Yes, he is. He nods to her and tries to walk off in a calm pace but his legs aren't really listening. He doesn't run, but he's clearly in a hurry to be anywhere but here.

He's never been so glad to make it back to his car. He sits in the driver's seat, staring at his hands and they grip the steering wheel. It shouldn't matter to him at all.

So, Sasuke doesn't love her, so what? That doesn't change the fact that they slept together in the first place. Sakura even said that he reaches for her sometimes, out of familiarity or genuine want he doesn't know, but it happens so Sasuke must feel something for her. So it's on the both of them that this has gone on for as long as it has. Let them work that out, or don't. It's not his business.

He thinks of the text Sasuke sent him, about how he wished things were different. He could have been talking about so many things. He wonders how long it's going to take for all of them to stop feeling like this. Ten years wasn't enough, so maybe twenty? He can't imagine that. He doesn't _want_ to imagine that.

Suddenly, he's angry for her and he doesn't know why. No matter what she did, she doesn't deserve to be treated like dirt. Naruto almost doesn't believe that Sasuke would talk to someone like that, because he can't remember if he ever heard him be just plain cruel to anyone. He realizes then that he knew a totally different Sasuke than everyone else did. His Sasuke was sweeter and kinder and barely raised voice, while the other Sasuke was a flawed human being that sometimes said hurtful things and used people. Maybe all this time he knew a concept instead of the actual him. It pains him to think about it.

He has to know which one is the real one.

He calls him even though he knows he shouldn't. He wonders, as the phone rings, if Sasuke will even pick up since he told Naruto not to call again. If he doesn't, he'll just leave an angry voicemail that probably won't make any sense.

He does answer, this time on the fifth ring instead of the first, like he stared at the phone and debated whether he should pick it up. His tone is tight and clipped when he speaks.

"I thought we agreed—"he starts, but Naruto cuts him off.

"So you're allowed to text me sad shit whenever you want but I can't call you to curse you out?" Not his best retort, but he's sticking to it.

"Why do you need to cuss me out?" Sasuke asks, affronted. "What did I do now?"

He's got a million things to say, each more well thought out than the last, but all that comes out is a stupid: "You're mean."

He _feels_ the force of Sasuke's scoff from here when he hears it. "I'm mean." Sasuke repeats dryly.

"And that's new news? You just thought of that and _had_ to call and tell me?"

"I didn't _just_ think of it, you asshole." Except he kind of did. "But you're mean. Especially to Sakura, and you really should stop."

Sasuke goes quiet for so long that Naruto thinks he's hung up. He wouldn't blame him, because this is crazy. Calling to defend someone he sort of despises after he swore he wouldn't call again? It's not the craziest thing he's done, but it's out there. If he's honest, he was just looking for an excuse so they could talk.

"What." Sasuke says flatly after what seems like an eternity. Naruto sighs and wonders why he does this to himself.

"What are you doing talking to Sakura?" Sasuke asks. It sounds a bit accusatory and a lot annoyed.

"We ran into each other on the street a little while ago. She told me all about the farce you're living." He's no better, because that comes out a bit judge-y and a lot mean.

Sasuke's tsk's and Naruto takes it as an invitation to continue. "So what? You're staying with her to torture her? Because you're unhappy so she has to be, too? That's fucked up, Sasuke."

His voice is low and dangerous when he speaks next. "That's none of your fucking business, Naruto."

He's right. It's not.

"You're right, it's not. But you could also try not being a dick and see where it gets you. I think just about anything will be better than this."

He's honestly starting trouble for no reason at this point. It sort of makes him feel alive, upsetting Sasuke like this. He gets an odd feeling of satisfaction from it. He always knew how to rile him up right good. It used to be hours of fun.

"Fuck you. So you talk once and all of a sudden you're the best of friends again? You're going to _protect_ her from me? Give me a fucking break, Naruto."

"I'm not protecting her." Except he kind of is. "I just hate seeing a woman cry and I really don't like that you're the cause of it." He says petulantly. He actually has not right to do this, no right at all because _it's not his fucking business_! But here he is, running his mouth and making things worse. Classic Naruto.

"So it's just me then?" Sasuke says in a weird tone. It almost sounds like he might be sick.

"You're fine with her, but you're going to hate me forever? Is that right?"

Naruto's jaw nearly drops in disbelief, because _hell no_ , that's such bullshit. Like he wasn't the one that tried to fix things in the first place, which on resulted in—

"Seriously? Don't give me that bullshit. I told you I would try to forgive you, but seeing as how the second I stop wishing you'd _go die in a hole_ I immediately go back to wanted to touch dicks with you again, maybe that's not gonna work out!" He huffs, and then he's immediately mortified by what he just said. Sasuke must be too, because he hears a sharp intake of breath and then silence on the other end.

He wishes someone would shoot him right now. He'd be so grateful.

It's quiet for a moment and when Sasuke speaks next, the edge is gone from his voice.

"So what do we do?" Sasuke asks softly. "Because I want to be able to see you again without you being uncomfortable. It's just so hard to deal with and I'm bad at it."

Naruto scoffs so hard it almost makes his throat hurt. " _You_ think this is hard to deal with? _You_ think this stresses _you_ out? Really?"

"Yes. I do." He retorts tartly. "Just tell me straight, because we don't have to. Just tell me you don't want anything to do with me and I'll make this easy and disappear out of your life."

It's not that fucking simple! He wants to shout, but his heat rises at the words and spits out: "Because you're so fucking good at that, aren't you?"

Sasuke's laugh is harsh and hurts his ears. "And _there_ it is! Be honest with me, if I would have stayed, do you think it would have made a difference? That it would have changed anything?"

"I don't know! It might've! We sure as shit wouldn't be like this right now, I'm sure!"

Naruto's annoyed with himself for being so petty, but if there's one thing the two do them could do with no problem, it's arguing.

He hears Sasuke sigh, and pictures him wiping a hand over his face. When he speaks next, his tone isn't angry, it's just weary and worn in the same way Naruto's been hearing from himself lately.

"I…look, can we not do this over the phone? I hate being angry with you." He says, and Naruto _does not_ share that sentiment. "But we clearly need to talk. _Really_ talk. And there's a lot I need to say, so just…come by or something. I'll text you the address. I won't keep you long and I won't pressure you to do this. Tell me no if you want. If you're…if you just _done_ then don't show up, and I _swear_ I'll leave you alone, it's up to you, okay?"

It's a sudden switch and he's not expecting it at all. He just sort of sits there, thinking about it, and Sasuke doesn't hang up despite the silence so he must be expecting an answer. He doesn't really have one to give. Can he just say no, he doesn't want to see Sasuke ever again and this is the last time they'll speak to each other if he can help it? No, he can't. He also can't say he's too keen on going over there and listening to anything Sasuke could say.

For maybe the fiftieth time today, he wonders why he does this to himself.

Sasuke sighs. "I'll be waiting." He says and Naruto flinches when he hears the beep of the call ending.

It doesn't take a genius to know that nothing good can come of this. They'll be _alone_ , in Sasuke's _home, Where Sasuke's bed is,_ and he could just end it easily but going home and forgetting this conversation happened. Sasuke will stay away from him, which will be easier, because he won't be in his face while he's fighting these thoughts and swallowing down the attraction he still feels. He could nip it in the bud. He knows he shouldn't. Knows it deep in his soul. Knows he's just going to make things worse if he even entertains the idea.

He gets the beep of the text not two minutes later, and he goes.

…

 _You're sending mixed signals here_ , he thinks as he drives slowly to his destination. He thought it over, and he really has no reason to decline. He hasn't planned to take Menma out trick or treating until about five or six, and it's barely two. He already picked up the candy like he was supposed to, and hell, this might actually go as planned and they'll talk and both come away from it as better people. Probably not, but the thought comforts him.

The apartment building is as nice as he expected it to be. It's more of a loft sort of thing, so he knows it must be overly expensive with a lot of amenities. There's an open spot right next to Sasuke's car so he takes it. When he parks, he sits there, looking at his hands again. Is he really going to do this? What happened to that vow to be a better husband? It's not like he's planning to do anything else he'll regret, and it's not like he lied to Ino about where he was going to be—he said he'd "be a bit longer getting home", not "going to be alone with my ex and we've already fooled around once"— but just being here feels wrong.

He'll have to be buzzed up to get in, and he almost takes that as a sign to turn around and drive off. A guy comes out right then and holds the door for him, not even thinking he could be a creep or a murderer. Great. The number he got says 102, and he stands in front of the door with his fist raised without touching it. It doesn't matter that he can't bring himself to knock, because Sasuke's pulling the door open like he sensed him there and he breathes a sigh of relief.

"You came." He says, and he looks as if he has to stop himself from smiling. Naruto probably couldn't smile right now if his life depended on it.

He walks in without responding, looking around. It's sort of minimalist, like he expected, mostly white with touches of color here and there. Probably Sakura's doing. He wouldn't dare have a white couch with a five year old running around. Must be nice.

"What was so important that you couldn't say it over the phone?" He asks snappily. He doesn't look at Sasuke, deciding instead to take in his surroundings. If he doesn't look at him he doesn't have to see the way his hair moves, the fullness of his lips or the dip of his hips. It's easier.

So he misses the way Sasuke blinks when he asks him. "I…I really didn't expect you to come, so everything just flew out of my head."

Of course he did. "Alright. Cool. Bye." He says, spinning on his heel and making his way back to the door.

Sasuke huffs and immediately blocks his path with his body, taking care not to touch him. He's glad he doesn't because he might've flipped out and slapped him or something. Sasuke probably knows this, so he keeps a safe distance but still stands firmly in his way.

"Really, Naruto?" he asks dryly.

"You wanted to talk. You're not talking. I'm leaving." It makes sense to him, he doesn't understand why Sasuke doesn't get it.

He steps forward and Sasuke backs up, plastering himself against the door. Naruto rolls his eyes and crosses his arms.

"Really, Sasuke?" He fires back. "Move."

He gets a firm head shake and Sasuke spreads his arms out. "No."

Naruto steps forward and Sasuke juts his chin up in challenge. If he really tries, he can move him out of the way, but he knows it won't be easy. He's still a head shorter and a tiny bit less muscular —he'll _never_ admit that out loud—and it's not like Sasuke won't put up a fight. He's annoyed when he sees the slight tick at the side of Sasuke's mouth, like he's secretly enjoying this. Good for him, because Naruto's having no fun and he's starting to panic. It's only the first floor and he won't get too hurt if he throws himself out of the nearest window.

"I forgot how blue your eyes are up close. They're gorgeous." He says casually, and Naruto narrows his eyes at him. Sasuke raises an eyebrow and smirks.

"This was really your plan, wasn't it? To get me here so you could flirt with me?" He asks in realization. Son of a bit—

"Frankly? Yes." He shrugs easily. Naruto opens his mouth to yell at him but Sasuke keeps going. "You're going to keep being angry at me, and I was trying to figure out how to stop that from happening, but I don't think I can. So if you're going to still be mad at me after I beg for your forgiveness over and over, I might as well turn that around into hate sex."

…

….

…..

"What?" Because he must have heard wrong and there's no way Sasuke uttered the phrase "hate sex" and was completely serious about it. He doesn't look like he's joking. In fact, he looks a bit proud of myself for even suggesting it in the first place.

"You're insane." He surmises, because there's no other way to explain what he's just heard.

"Maybe. But I can't lose you again and this works. Or, it will work." He nods to himself like he's not talking crazy. Naruto feels like he's about to lose his mind.

" _How_ , Sasuke? I'm still married and you're still…doing whatever it is you're doing with Sakura. Why don't you try to find someone else? I'm sure there's someone out there for you. It just isn't me." He shouldn't even try right now, he should just tackle him out of the way and run for his life.

Sasuke shakes his head. "No. It's only you. I only want you."

He snaps.

"You keep saying that! And you're wrong! It's not me, because I moved on and you're still stuck in the past!' Oh, _the irony_. "You have to move on, Sasuke! You have to let me go because we're not going to keep doing this. We're just not. I know you still love me and it's hard, trust me, I fucking know it's _hard_ , but you're just hurting yourself and you're hurting me and we both deserve so much better than this."

He thinks he gets through to him, by the way Sasuke's face crumbles. It's painful and sad, and he wonders how many times he's going to see his heartbroken face before the universe decides he's had enough. He looks to the floor instead of in his eyes, trying to be considerate enough to let Sasuke get himself together and will those tears out of his eyes.

"I know." He says after a while, and Naruto looks up to see his fingers threaded through his hair, almost pulling. "I know that was completely crazy and it wasn't what I was going to say when you came at all. It was a shot in the dark and completely ridiculous. My mind really went blank because it always does that around you. But that's no excuse and…I'm sorry."

"Its fine, Sasuke. Really. No harm done." He says carefully. "But I'm still going to go because I don't think this is good for either of us and this time I really won't call you again. We can be civil if we run into each other, but other than that? I think it's safe to say that we should maintain some distance."

Sasuke looks off and nods, but doesn't say anything. Naruto sighs. It was easier than he thought, saying that they were essentially done. He could have finished this over the phone but it's probably better that he did it in person.

Sasuke still looks very sad and very broken, but that's to be expected. He kind of wants to hug him but he's sure that he shouldn't. He doesn't want to leave on a note like that, so he tries to lighten the mood.

(Why can't he just keep his big mouth shut?)

"It would have never worked anyway," He says with a weak chuckle. "Can't really have hate sex if I don't actually _hate_ you, Sasuke. Quite the opposite actually."

He should have stopped while he was ahead, because Sasuke's head snaps up and he takes a step forward, eyes flooding with something that sets off warning bells in Naruto's head.

"So you love me?" Sasuke asks, and Naruto's backing up inch by inch to avoid his advance.

"I did _not_ say that—" He starts.

"You _implied_ it." Sasuke finishes. Yeah, maybe.

They stare at each other for a moment. Sasuke's brows are furrowed and there's a spark of hope in his eyes. He wishes firmly that he knew how the _shut the hell up_.

He huffs, defeated. "Yes, okay? I love you." He sees a shiver go through Sasuke's body and firmly ignores it. "Part of me is always going to love you because we spent nearly every waking moment together since we were born and there's no way to forget that. But am I _in love_ with you? No." Maybe. He's not sure.

"I know I'm still attracted to you, which is why we're like this now. Because I still remember what it's like when you touch me and…part of me misses it I guess. When that mixes with me missing you as a person and the closeness we used to have, bad things happen."

Sasuke scoots forward some more and Naruto's got nowhere else to go because the back of his knees have hit the backside of the couch. He swallows hard.

"I remember it too. How it felt when you touched me. How warm your hands were, how good it felt." He steps closer and Naruto knows he's going into dangerous territory. He should push him away, trip him and run, use that window like he planned to do, but he stays still and quiet and let's Sasuke talk.

"I think about my mouth on you every day." He leans in and brushes over the side of Naruto's neck with his nose. Naruto still can't move. "How you moaned. The look on your face when you came down my throat. I thought I'd never get the chance again and it made me regret not fucking you right there, with your face pressed against the tiles and my hand over your mouth. Would you have wanted to, Naruto? If I told you then I wanted to fuck you?"

He's pressed up against him now with a strong hand placed on his hip and his lips murmuring close to his ear. He stops himself from shaking because he doesn't want Sasuke to know that he's affecting him like this.

He would have. If Sasuke would have asks him, he would have.

He wants to now.

For his silence, he gets the free hand his hair, jerking his head back to make him look Sasuke in the eye. He's surprised at his switch—was it a ruse? His miserable and repentant act? Did he play the part until he got Naruto to let his guard down and then he'd go right back to regular old

Sasuke? He guesses that Sasuke's finally tired of being pathetic and he's going to use the tool he uses best. Seduction. He's always known just what to say to make Naruto quiver like a leaf in a breeze—and it makes heat burn low in his belly.

"Answer." He commands, fisting his hand tighter. Naruto winces in pain as his hair is pulled and nods quickly. "Did you want it?"

"I wanted it." He responds quickly. "I wanted it."

"Do you want it now?" Sasuke asks, eyes on fire. He's too close, and Naruto can see the flecks on dark blue in his eyes. He sees himself reflected back in them, face red and twisted with want. He's fucked. Or, he's about it be.

"Yeah." He whispers, and that's all Sasuke needs before pulling him forward and kissing him hard.

The world explodes into pyrotechnics; bright lights dance around his eyes and he's grabbing at Sasuke's arms because he can't get close enough. Sasuke's hand eases in his hair to lie flat while the other slides from his hip and settles on the small of his back.

He wants it, _God_ , he wants it. Wants him to destroy him, to make me cry and moan and _beg_ for it. He misses the feel of a man on top of him, taking control and turning him out. He's the only man he's ever been with, the only one he's shared his body with so thoroughly. There was nothing ever like it.

Sasuke manhandles him to the couch, throwing him down so hard he bounces. He's lucky that the couch is long so his head doesn't smack into the armrest. Sasuke on him in a second—dragging up his shirt and kissing on his chest. He's biting and sucking, just like Naruto likes, but he's not doing it hard enough to leave marks. He's not stupid; Naruto isn't his to mark.

His kisses still taste like honey, his touch still burn like fire wherever they touch. He wraps his big hand around Naruto's dick, jerking in time to the rhythmic kisses he places against Naruto's lips.

Naruto reaches out blindly to palm at the front of Sasuke's jeans. Sasuke pulls away, pausing to shimmy out of his jeans and Naruto does the same. When his shirt comes of, Naruto wants to weep, because his abs have a slight sheen from sweat and they're more defined than he imagined. He wants to lick them, but when he tries to sit up to do just that, Sasuke pushes him down and holds his hands beside his head.

"Stay." He orders, and Naruto can't argue.

Sasuke rises and disappears into his bedroom. He's not gone long and appears with a bottle of lube in his hand.

"Cocky much?" He quips.

Sasuke smiles sweetly and Naruto swallows against the feeling in his chest.

"Optimistic." He replies.

Naruto takes him in, looking at the way his hair is mussed from Naruto's fingers and the rise of his chest from excitement. His eyes catch a spot of black that's not his underwear contrasting his pale skin, right on his hip, which must have been hidden when they were pressed too close.

"What's that?" He asks, pointing.

Sasuke smirks, pulling down his underwear to reveal a small S in fancy script with an N overlapping the bottom curve.

"Is that…?" He starts to questions.

"From when we first kissed." Sasuke offers, kneeling down and sliding his body over Naruto's. Naruto sweeps his fingers over it gingerly. He _knows_ where it's from, because he remembers that day perfectly, from the haze in the air down to the blink of fireflies.

He knows, because they day after they kissed, he woke up well before school and made his way to that old abandoned house with his dad's polaroid and snapped a photo of their graffiti in the orange glow of sunrise so he'd remember it forever. He's glad he did, because the house was torn down and rebuild not long after. He keeps that photo in a box in his closet, along with a copy of his first apartment key and his ring. He couldn't throw any of them away no matter how hard he tried.

He pulls Sasuke down and kisses him like the world's ending. Because it sort of is, for him, because he's truly faced with _how much_ Sasuke still loves him and he can't ignore it about as much as he can't breathe in this second.

Sasuke seems to get it, because he's kisses back with just as much force and gets a hand down Naruto's boxers again, rolling his balls in one hand and cupping Naruto's cheek in the other.

Naruto bats his hand away despite how good it feels and wraps a leg around his back so they can rut against each other. They both groan at the sensation and Sasuke licks hot streaks up his neck with his tongue. They grind for what seems like forever, and Naruto feels like he's going to explode any second.

He refuses to, because he's far down the rabbit hole now and he's not going to come in his pants and have to drive home uncomfortable and un-fucked. No sir.

He grabs the hem of his boxers and starts pulling them down. Sasuke's clearly on board with that and helps him rustle his way out of them. He's embarrassed for a moment, because he's naked in broad daylight and hard as a rock. He feels like a teenager again.

He as to remind himself that Sasuke's seen him naked a million times. Maybe more. But the way Sasuke's staring at him right now, you would think it was the first.

His brows furrow and he looks at him in wonder. "You're beautiful." He mumbles, and Naruto really wants to hide his face and snap his legs shut. Sasuke places a hand on his knee before he can and kisses the inside of his thigh.

"Shut up." Naruto mutters, shivering despite how warm Sasuke's lips are.

"You are." He repeats. He leans back and opens the bottle, squeezing some onto his fingers and lining one up to his hole. They stare at each other for a moment and Naruto nods his head in confirmation. Sasuke doesn't look away when he slides his finger inside.

It doesn't hurt, because he does this more often that he'd like to admit and even more so since Sasuke's been back. It's so intimate, and the only other partner he's had never had any interest with touching him there, so it's even more intense because this is Sasuke's place and Sasuke's place alone.

He takes it slow, opening him up at a snail's pace, kissing Naruto over and over until his lips hurt. Naruto's nearly in tears by the time he gets to the fourth finger; He's tried to touch himself countless times but Sasuke keeps pinning his arm down and torturing him by going even slower.

Whenever he pushes Naruto right to edge, he holds his base tight to keep him from cumming.

" _Please_." He begs, shutting his tight eyes when Sasuke smirks and brushes his thumb over the head of Naruto's cock. He can't take much more and if he doesn't get what he wants soon, he's going to scream.

"I don't want to hurt you." Sasuke murmurs, twisting his fingers _just so_ and Naruto sees white.

"You've been fingering me for a good twenty minutes, Sasuke. I think you could fit a lamp in there by now." He retorts dryly, causing Sasuke to burst into laughter. It's infectious, and his grinning back until Sasuke slides his fingers out and replaces them with the very tip of his cock.

He's watching where they're _almost_ connected, and it takes him a few seconds to stop holding his breath and look up to see Sasuke watching him.

He realizes he's waiting for Naruto to say yes, so Naruto nods hurriedly and tries to relax himself.

Sasuke's eyes hold his as he pushes inside, inch by inch, and they both sigh when he bottoms out. It hurts, because he hasn't done this in forever and no amount of stretching was going to change that. Sasuke stays perfectly still for the longest time to let him adjust. He's braced against Naruto on his elbows, staring down at in him with unabashed affection in his eyes. He peppers kisses all over his face and neck, whispering "I love you, I love you, I love you" over and over while he waits for Naruto to adjust.

Naruto closes his eyes against the sudden rush of tears he feels that have nothing to do with pain.

He wraps his arms around Sasuke's neck and places a kiss just under his ear. "What is this?" He whisper to him, and he's not even sure what he's asking at this point.

"The breakup slash goodbye sex we never had?" Sasuke offers. He knows it's supposed to be a joke, but Sasuke's eyes look so forlorn and shine so bright that he has to take it seriously.

"Yeah." He says back, and Naruto gasps when Sasuke starts to move.

It starts off calm enough, while Naruto's still getting use to the feeling of someone inside of him again. But soon he's grinding against Sasuke's gentle thrusts and digging his feet into his back to get him to go faster.

It gets hurried and rough from there, and soon Sasuke's making him slide up two inches or so with every hard thrust. He nearly chokes when Sasuke grabs at his neck, bearing down enough to restrict some of Naruto's breathing but not enough not hurt him. Naruto's eyes roll back and his toes curl in pleasure.

"Did you miss this?" Sasuke asks, squeezing harder. Naruto bits his lip and pushes himself onto Sasuke until he feels his thighs.

"Did you miss me inside of you?" and all Naruto can do his nod frantically. "I'm going to make you feel this for a week. You won't be able to walk without feeling me ever again, you got that?"

Naruto moans at his words, nearly sobbing when Sasuke increases his pace. He doesn't ever want it to stop. He'll never be able to forget this even if he wanted to. He hasn't been fucked this good in years and it's a desperate fight not to come with every movement Sasuke makes.

Sasuke pauses, pulling out of him quickly. Naruto wants to protest, but Sasuke's already sitting upright and pulling Naruto on top of him. He grips Naruto's hips firmly and drives inside of again, even more forceful this time, and Naruto's never been much of a screamer but he just might start.

He wraps his arms around Sasuke's neck and just holds on for the ride. Sasuke rubs smooth hands down his back gently, and Naruto understands that he wants to treat him gently but years of frustration and longing don't allow him to. He's not complaining, even though he knows he'll hurt later. It'll be worth it.

"I love you." Sasuke groans, nuzzling his head into Naruto's necks as he thrusts up.

"I love you too." Naruto sighs mindlessly. He'll probably pay for that later, but right now he can't bring himself to care when his prostate's being battered head on and Sasuke's hand is his around his cock tight.

It's like magic, like rapture, but he's quickly approaching his end. He knows Sasuke is too by the way he's movements become less rhythmic and sloppier. The grip on his hips is so tight it will probably leave marks. He doesn't know how he'll explain _that_ when he gets home. He'll burn that bridge when he comes to it.

"I'm gonna—"He warns, but Sasuke doesn't slow down and holds him tighter. He pushes himself down harder, chasing his orgasm with focused force. He's right at the edge, throwing his head back in ecstasy, and that's the exact moment when Itachi walks right in the front door.

"Sasuke, I tried to buzz up but I guess you didn't…hear…me—"He starts, before trailing off and freezing at the sight in front of him.

Sasuke jerks hard in surprise and the sensation sends Naruto over the edge, causing him to spill all over Sasuke's front while he stares into Itachi's wide eyes.

…

 _Fuck._

…

As far as reactions go, Sasuke's is the best. Naruto literally gets thrown off like he weighs nothing, a ragdoll, arm smashing painfully into the couch arm as his right knee bends under him oddly. There's a vicious curse—who it comes from, he's not sure—but barely registers it because even as he's getting tossed aside—

(Like last week's trash. Sasuke _sure_ has a habit of doing that to him, doesn't he?)

-his eyes are still glued to Itachi's and a little bit of him is dying inside. He sees Itachi open and shut his mouth, clearly outraged and trying to find the words to say. The bag of food he was holding lies in a sad heap on the floor and he closes his eyes and takes one deep breath, two breaths, three, before clenching his fists and stalking forward.

It's a bit of a blur, but somehow he gets his underwear and pants back on and Sasuke does the same. It's kind of gross and sticky, but he wouldn't dare ask for a moment to clean up for fear of what might happen. They don't look at each other and are careful not to touch because he's not sure what Itachi will do. Maybe he'll make a three-point turn and just pivot right out the door and try again for a better result. Maybe he'll drag Naruto to the floor and start beating the shit out of him. Naruto wouldn't even fight back at this point.

Itachi's silence scares Naruto more than him screaming in his face or trying to shake some sense in him. He'd appreciate that, being held down and slapped again and again while being told "Get yourself together!"

He needs to.

He needs to get himself together.

Itachi's pacing in front of the couch, hands on his hips and worrying his lip between his teeth. Naruto can't even look at his face anymore; he chooses instead to watch his feet scratch a trail in the rug in short, jerky motions. He's staring at the floor because he's mortified; if his heart doesn't beat out of his chest in the next ten minutes it'll be a miracle.

He happens a look over to Sasuke, who fairs no better; His hands are gripped tight to the material over his knees and he's taken to breathing softly out of his mouth instead of his nose, probably trying to fight down his panic. Naruto can relate.

They're probably lucky that Itachi walked in instead of someone else. Jesus, what if it had been

Sakura? She'd undoubtedly scream and cry and the whole town would know by nightfall that Naruto joined the cheating bastards club, then all his clothes would be littered on his front lawn in the morning and he'd have to pick them up slowly as all the neighbors watched judgmentally from their front windows. There's a thought he hopes never comes to pass.

Or, what if it had been Mikoto? Or Fugaku? God, he might have really jumped out the window if that'd happened. He'd have to leave town because he'd never be able to look them or his own parents in the eye ever again. So, he's lucky in a way.

 _Right_.

It takes an eternity—or three minutes—before Itachi even looks at them with thinly veiled disgust and inclines his head to regard Sasuke fully.

"You just couldn't leave him alone, could you?" he sneers, and Naruto's stomach drops like rocks because _oh Lord, this is not going to end well._

Sasuke lurches forward on the couch, mouth twisted with malice and ready to defend himself, but Itachi's doesn't give him the chance.

"I should have known," He says with a humorless laugh, wiping a weary hand over his face and shaking his head." I should have known the second you stepped foot back in the city you'd make a beeline for his pants. It's my fault, really, that I didn't beat your ass and set you straight the _minute_ I saw you on my front porch."

Sasuke makes an outraged noise in the back of his throat, and Naruto drops his head into his hands. He really should tell him to stop because he _knows_ this is going to be an awful fight, he knows it, but his mouth won't open no matter how hard he tries.

"How come it's—"Sasuke starts, but Itachi scoffs and cuts him off.

" _Of course_ it's your fault, Sasuke. Are you fucking kidding me? I know it's your fault because I know you, and if _you're_ not happy, _nobody_ gets to be happy. Because it's all about poor little

 _Sasuke_. You just love fucking everything up right good, don't you? I can't believe this."

Sasuke exhale sounds hurt, and Naruto knows Itachi's nowhere near finished so it's only going to get worse. He feels awful for not trying to defend Sasuke, at least a little, because he doesn't deserve to be treated like public enemy number one (by his own brother!) when Naruto's just as guilty.

( _This time_.)

"Fuck you." Sasuke spits. "This isn't any of your busi—"

Itachi lurches forward, like he's ready to throw a punch, but he controls himself at the last minute.

"If you finish that sentence I swear to god I'm going to knock your teeth out."

Sasuke doesn't finish it, so Itachi continues. "You're so fucking stupid! This isn't just between the two of you anymore, don't you get that? There are other people that are going to get hurt, other people's lives you're going to fuck up because you just love him _so much_ and can't live without him, right? Wrong. You don't get to do this, I won't let you. Because I had to help put him back together the last time you torn him apart and I'll be damned if I have to do it again."

Naruto knows where this is going, knows too well, and he can't really stomach it right now. "Itachi…" He warns, but the look Itachi gives him makes him pause. It's the same look he's given him once before, only once, when he found him while Naruto thought he'd rather die than keep living through the pain he was experiencing and just tried to follow through. It's a painful look, distressed and nearly wild with panic. A look that's reserved for when Naruto's hurting himself and Itachi hopelessly and desperately trying to stop him.

He nearly chokes as he recognizes it, because Itachi sees that he's _killing_ himself, but this time he doesn't even need a knife to do it.

"It's weird, because I thought he was acting strange these last few weeks and I hoped I was wrong. I thought I was imagining the same patterns in him that led up to him unraveling before. I thought maybe he just had to get used to you being back, but no, this was happening before today, wasn't it? You pushed up on him and drove him crazy, didn't you Sasuke? What did you say? That you were still in love with him? That he was the only one you could ever love? That you were _sorry_?" Sasuke doesn't respond, so he has his answer.

"And you're going to keep doing this because you don't care who gets hurt as long as you get what you want, right? Because you're so damn selfish and trifling and damn the consequences as long as Naruto's yours again, _right_?" He's nearly yelling at the last part and Naruto sees Sasuke flinch slightly out of the corner of his eye.

"I—"Sasuke mumbles, nearly shuffling his feet like a child being scolded by their parent.

"Shut up." He does. "You get to walk around and do whatever you want because you didn't get to see how much damage you did when you ran off like a little bitch with your tail between your legs. I did. I got a front row seat." Naruto snaps his head up, alarmed, because there's no way he's going to-? His closed mouth makes an anxious sound and Itachi looks at him briefly.

"Did he tell you…?" Itachi starts off slowly, eyes trailing away from Naruto's to meet Sasuke's. Naruto shakes his head furiously, mouthing _please, please_ but he knows it won't work. "That he tried to kill himself when you left? Did you know that?"

Sasuke takes a sharp breath and Naruto feels eyes on him, but he looks firmly forward and clenches his fists.

Itachi smiles cruelly. It's more of a scowl than anything, but either way it doesn't match his handsome face.

"Do you know what's it's like to watch someone you love, someone you've known your whole life deteriorate in front of you to the point of wanting to die and you're helpless to stop it? You don't. Because _you_ were gone. So it was me that watched him cry himself to sleep for weeks and held him when he was shaking so hard he could barely breathe. You don't know what that's like. You don't. You don't know what's it's like to lift a grey body out of a bloody bathtub and trying to hold someone's _life_ in as it's spilling through your fingers while the police are called and you're praying to God for the first time in your life that he hasn't lost too much blood to survive."

"And the worst part is the whole time he's lying on the floor he's crying "Where's Sasuke, where'd he go?" over and over until I got sick of hearing your name. I honestly hated you, in that moment, because it was All. Your. Fault." He pauses, taking a shuddering breath that seems to come from his core. "So you don't get to tell me it's none of my fucking business, you son of a bitch, I'll kill you before I let that happen to him again, do you hear me?"

Naruto aches. He aches because Itachi looks close to tears—and close to swinging—and because he hears a suspicious sniffle from beside him but he can't bear to look. He's tired and sad because he knew that Itachi held steadfast to his resentment as long as Naruto did, and fostered some awful feelings about his brother in defense of Naruto. He gets it, that the echoes of those past pains still reach everyone's ears as well as his own.

But it's enough. He doesn't want him to go back to that moment any more than he has. So he stands, ignoring how uncomfortable he is and how his body is slowly turning sore, and wraps his arms around his waist before Itachi can protest, nestling his head into his shoulder with a heavy sigh.

"Stop." He mutters, and this time he thinks Itachi will actually listen. Itachi presses back into him and Naruto squeezes a little tighter. "I get it, okay? I know you think I'm losing control here, and you're probably right, but that's enough. No more."

Itachi's arms come up and grip his back tight. "What the hell are you doing, Naruto?" he says, and Naruto knows he's not talking about the hug.

It's sweet, in a way, how Itachi's so worked up and willing to go to bat for him. There's so much love there and Naruto's honestly blown away by the depth of it. He's so protective of him that he'd even stand in the way of his own flesh and blood if he thinks it'll keep Naruto safe. Part of him feels like he should be insulted that Itachi feels he must be handled with kid gloves and shielded like a chaste maiden, but the other part thinks it's as beautiful as a sunrise on a clear morning.

"I don't know." He mumbles back. "Fucking up, I guess. I'm sorry."

He feels Itachi shake his head. "I'm not the one you need to apologize to." He states. "Does she

know?"

Naruto nearly laughs because: "God no."

Itachi nods astutely and pulls back, placing his hands on Naruto's shoulders. "I won't say

anything then." He slides his hands up to cup Naruto's face. "But you've _got_ to stop this."

"I know, I know. Shit." Naruto responds, nodding and looking away from Itachi's stern gaze.

Some of the charge in the room dies, and Naruto nearly sighs in relief. He thinks the moment's defused, that no one will come to blows and the calm will hold. He's a little irritated that this day turned out this way—what a fucking day, honestly—but he doesn't have the right to be since he's the author of this messed up episode. He'll beat himself up a million times over before he gets anywhere near getting past this.

"I didn't know." Sasuke murmurs. Both Itachi and Naruto look over to him, momentarily forgetting he was even there. He looks shell-shocked. His face makes Naruto want to reach for him; His hands twitch mutely and his body turns instinctively to go to him, but he doesn't think it's a good idea at the moment, so he resists.

He sees the way Sasuke looks at the two of them, at the way Itachi handles Naruto with such care, hands petting his cheeks and soft-spoken words. It's almost…jealous. It makes Naruto think back to when Sasuke asked him if he and Itachi were sleeping together. He gets it in this moment how Sasuke could see it like that. Because he missed so much, hasn't seen how close the two of them have gotten and how they take care of each other. He recognizes the exact moment Sasuke truly acknowledges that he's an outsider because his face morphs bitterly, but then it's miserable and regretful and it makes Naruto want to look away. But he doesn't.

"I didn't know." He repeats, looking straight into Naruto's eyes but addressing the both of them. "But you're right; this can't go on. You don't deserve it, Naruto, and I don't have the right to keep pursuing you when you…when you have a whole life here without me that shouldn't be torn apart. So I'll leave you alone."

He wants to scream that that's not fair at all, because it wasn't just Sasuke's fault. He shouldn't have to shoulder the blame this time around because Naruto did this, too. He came here, he let this happen. He _begged_ for it. But Sasuke looks so serious and resolved and Itachi nods in approval so his mouth won't move to protest.

He's the worst.

(What about what Sasuke deserves? More than this, clearly.)

Naruto nods at him before turning his attention back to Itachi. "What am I going to do?" He asks even though he doesn't really expect a good answer. He chuckles to himself. "I've got to go home but I don't know if I can step in that house without bursting into flames. I'm such a piece of shit, oh my god."

Itachi sighs and pats his cheek. "No, you're not." What a lie. "This whole situation has always been a mess and we were all fooling ourselves to think it was over and done with so easily. Just… try to put it behind you and if you can't, give me a head's up so I can be well beyond the city limits when Ino explodes."

It shouldn't be funny, but Naruto's lip twitches in amusement anyway. He's lucky to have a friend like him. He's thought about that often but it gets truer and truer every time he does.

"Gotcha."

It snaps him into action, hearing his wife's name, because he still needs to go home and deliver the candy he bought and then prepare himself for trick-or-treating with Menma. It seems like a distant memory, the rest of the events of the day. Like this last hour has taken over the focus of his life and everything else faded to background noise. He'll allow himself to fully realize what he's done later, but he can't start freaking out now. He's got to get out of here.

Itachi and Sasuke start speaking to each other in low tones—maybe apologizing, maybe arguing more—but he's not inclined to listen because whatever they're talking about looks personal and he shouldn't interfere. Itachi sits down onto the couch beside Sasuke, more like falls into it, clearly exhausted in more ways than one. Naruto can relate.

He catches Sasuke's eyes and holds them for mere moments, saying a million things to each other in silent speech. The loudest among them being "We'll stop."

He sure hopes so.

…

He goes home, trying to think of believable lies as he drives faster than he should. He wonders how he'll hide the obvious marks on his hips from Ino's hawk-like eyes. He'll have to be extra careful until they fade. The thought makes him sick, because he never thought he'd be this person, never thought he'd end up being a liar and a fraud.

He recalls something that TenTen said to him once when she was drunk and feeling sagely.

" _Once the old you is dead and gone, you have to own up to whatever takes its place_."

(He's sure it was from a show he never watched or paid much attention to, but it stuck firm with him regardless.)

He not sure he likes what grew back.

He still thinking of clever ways to get away with it, right up to the moment before fitting the key into the lock and opening the door. It was almost a waste to rack his brain for woven tales because Ino barely looks up at him from her spot on the couch. She's reading some magazine that he doesn't know the name of and sipping soda out of a straw.

"Hey." She greets, eyes still scanning the pages. "Find everything okay?"

"Yeah. It was fine. Got it all right here." He responds, lifting up the bags in his hands even though she's not looking at him. It sounds too flustered and hurried to his ears but she must not hear it, or think much of it, because she just nods and takes another sip.

He places the bags on the side table to his right and retreats upstairs, taking two at a time. He's going to give himself away because he's jittery and it's obvious he has something to hide. He's almost relieved that she trusts him so much, but then he's guilty for the same reason. He might have spilled the beans if she'd looked at him right then, so he's grateful she barely cared, but something about her interference to his arrival annoys him and he wouldn't be able to explain why if he was asked.

It's confusing.

He showers, washing off dried cum off his body and checking himself over for bruises.

Like he thought, there's red and purple marks on his waist and hips from Sasuke gripping him so hard. He feels fire burn low in his stomach at the memory but it's fleeting, replaced quickly with the urge to purge the marks from his body with force and his soapy washcloth. He's beet-red by the time he emerges, and sore from scrubbing vehemently. It didn't make him feel clean because he's sure nothing will.

He brushes his teeth hard enough to bleed, trying to get the taste of Sasuke out of his mouth. He replaces it with copper and mint.

Naruto makes his way back downstairs after changing, plopping down beside Ino on the couch and slinging an arm over her shoulder. It feels awkward and wrong, but such an action isn't out of character for him so he sticks with it. Ino looks up finally, turning to him and kissing him softly on the lips in greeting. He relaxes a bit and puts his head on her shoulder.

"Menma's been waiting for you to come back. He wanted to show you that he got his tights on all by himself." She says with a grin. He smiles back.

"That's great, but we still aren't leaving for a few more hours." He replies, falling easily back into normalcy.

She snorts. "Tell him that. He's too excited for words."

Naruto shakes his head. "Nah, if I try to get him to take it off he'll keep it on just to spite me." He jokes.

Ino's lips twist wryly. "He's five. He doesn't know spite yet."

"I did, at that age. And I know damn well you did, too. He's double-whammied; He never stood a chance not to be a vindictive little somebody."

She punches his arm playfully and he chuckles, wrapping his free arm around her middle. He sighs into her shoulder.

He can do this. He can stop.

…

He does. For three days.

…

He's all set to move forward when he's literally caught with his pants down in the men's room at a Wawa. He's minding his business, using the urinal after stopping in for lunch, when Sasuke comes in with blue-tinted icee down his shirt, swearing colorfully and grabbing at paper towels to wipe himself off. They lock eyes after a few moments, and Naruto swallows roughly and looks away.

He zips himself up and goes to wash his hands, ignoring the way Sasuke's thin shirt sticks to his abs and chest. Sasuke doesn't say anything. He just loads soap onto the paper towels and dabs at his shirt. Naruto's thinking he can get out of here quick because Sasuke might be a while. He can make a hasty retreat and stay true to his word. It's not hard. But he looks into the mirror and sees Sasuke's eyes staring back, and the next thing he knows he's turning and rushing into Sasuke's arms to kiss him.

Sasuke catches around the waist and kisses back hungrily, backing him up into a stall and locking the door. He tastes sweet from the drink he spilled, and Naruto nearly giggles at the way his tongue's turned colors. It doesn't take long for Naruto to drop to his knees and blows him, finally return the favor Sasuke gave him back at the gym.

He's going to hell and he's going to burn like kerosene.

When Naruto stumbles out of the bathroom first, his lips are blue and swollen.

…

It's a ghastly surprise, when Sasori dies. He's been Itachi's friend for years, one of his closest, in the prime of his life. They were the same age, he and Itachi, only thirty five and it's nothing special that takes him away from the earth. Just a boring, run-of-the-mill car accident. Yet, it rocks their community to their core, because he was such a good person, still young, with so much to live for. It's awful because he's hit on the driver's side turning into McDonald's after a long workday and some random man he's never met with a drinking problem got behind the wheel and killed him. Killed someone so loved and cherished and had the nerve to survive himself. It fucks with Naruto because he just wanted a sandwich and now he's dead, leaving behind a grieving widow and three children.

They weren't the closest of people-they spoke at functions, random passing on the street, and hang out through mutual friends when they can-But it kind of…floors him, because here's a guy that's never hurt anyone (that he knows of), that minds his own business and gives a shit about environment and hates that children suffer so he gives money and gets out there to do something about it.

He's a guy that's upstanding and great and suddenly he's dead because of someone who's not.

He thinks that's a thought that goes through the head of many, because there's a sort of shocked silence that follows all the way up until the funeral. It's a cold November day, beautiful because of the changing leaves and clear sky. Naruto's glad it's not raining because that would be too cliché and sad and Sasori doesn't deserve that.

Itachi and Konan are a wreck. Naruto was worried for a while that the stress would be too much for her right now, being so close to her due date. He knows that grief can bring about early labor. She seems to be pulling through, and he takes extra care to hug her lightly. It must be so hard for them, knowing him for so long and he's gone from one day to the next. Itachi keeps it together for the most part; He doesn't cry or collapse on the coffin because he's never been that type of person, but he radiates anguish and it breaks Naruto's heart. He wants to bundle him up in a blanket and hide him away from all this, but he settles on gripping him tight and rocking him gently back and forth in comfort. He hears Itachi sniffle into his shoulder and he grips a little tighter.

He's got Gaara on his shoulder after that, leaning into him heavily and fighting back tears. It's a valiant effort, but Naruto wouldn't care if he burst into heart-wrenching sobs. He expects it to happen eventually, because Gaara and Sasori are— _were_ —cousins and very close. They were the only cousins close in age and Sasori never treated him like a failure or a black sheep, so this must be a mortal blow to Gaara right now.

Temari and Kankuro sit silently not too far away with Shikamaru squeezing his girlfriend's hand for dear life. Naruto hasn't had the chance to say anything to them yet; He's focused on making sure Gaara doesn't flip out and throw himself into the hole as well when it comes time to lower it.

"It's not fair." Gaara moans softly, eyes wide and unseeing. "It's not fucking fair."

Naruto pats his hair gently. "I know, I know." He mutters quietly. But he doesn't know, because he never had a cousin he was that close to and never had anyone die that wasn't already elderly and expected. He keeps patting his head anyway because what else can he say?

Ino blows her nose lightly into a tissue from the other side of him and he puts a soothing hand on her knee. She gives him a watery, shaky smile and he squeezes mildly, hoping she gets some sort of comfort from his presence.

The service is beautiful. Their grandmother speaks about her lovely grandson and Naruto sees Temari cry for the first time in his life. That sight nearly brings him to tears but he fights them back. Afterward, He tries to listen to what the pastor's saying, but it's hard to focus. He floats in and out of caring for Gaara and looking around the room. It's insane to him to see how one man's life affects so many people. Insane and beautiful and tragic, because so many familiar faces are here and he wasn't aware of them knowing the man, but they're all brought together in celebration and mourning of his life.

"…and life's too short to hold onto petty grudges, anger, secrets and lies, to not tell those you love that love and cherish them, because it could all end at a moment's notice. So today, take the time to let go of old hurt and treasure your precious people, so you won't have any regrets…" The pastor says. He swallows hard and grips Ino's knee harder, feeling the words resonate within him.

She sniffles harder and he wonders if that meant something deep to her, too.

Life is too short, he thinks, to keep going on like this. He's tired. He could be taken out at a moment's notice. What would he leave behind if he was killed tomorrow? Secrets, lies, grudges.

He loathes the thought of it.

"I love you." He whispers to Ino, taking her hand and squeezing. She gives him a weak smile and whispers it back.

It's enough, enough to drive up his resolve so he actually means it this time when he thinks _he'll stop_. They're going to be…okay.

When the service is over, he sees Sasuke and Itachi in a tight hold, Sasuke murmuring something that only Itachi can hear. It nearly brings a smile to his face, because he's sure the pastor's words must have an effect on them, too. There's nothing like a death of someone close to put things in perspective for everyone. He knows that they're going to be alright, too.

He noticed that Sakura was nowhere to be found and wonders if she and Sasuke broke up, or stopped whatever kind of arrangement they had. It's not his place to ask and definitely not the time, so he stores that thought away to mull over later when his heart doesn't feel so heavy.

He gets a chill standing there in the cemetery, watching family and friends chat quietly as others wander slowly back to their cars. Ino's talking with Konan softly off to his right, and Itachi's hugging Sasori's wife, gently patting her back as she weeps into his chest. The sight tugs at Naruto's chest, and he looks over to see Sasuke standing off to the side, watching the trees sway slightly in the wind.

He looks beautiful, hair loose and shiny, a stark contrast against the midday sky. His suit and coat fit him just right, which is expected. He looks drained, like everything's finally caught up with him and it's weighing him down. He's just…standing there, silently, staring into the distance with the world as his backdrop, only a few feet away but it feels like lightyears. For maybe the first time since he's been back, Naruto sees him as a thirty year old man instead of a twenty year old boy. He doesn't look like a stranger anymore. He's just Sasuke, sad, damaged, amazing, beautiful Sasuke, but older. It makes Naruto's stomach squirm oddly. It makes him feel like this is the first time he's seeing him in ten years. None of those other times counted before, and it's like a punch to the gut. But at the same time, the sight of him makes Naruto feel calm and for some reason,

It makes him feel like he can finally let him go.

The feeling comes on the breeze—easy, free and uninhibited—his mind doesn't protest or give reasons why it's not going to work, why he'll never follow through when he's failed time and time again. His whole body agrees that this time, it feels…final. He's finally ready. He thought it would be _more_ than this. That there would be more shouting matches or thrown plates and strewn papers. That he'd fall to his knees and beg God to free him of this man once more before it finally worked. But it's like a cool breeze that eases his soul.

(It's almost poetic that he feels this in the middle of a cemetery. So many things get buried here.)

As if he senses Naruto's thoughts, Sasuke looks at him. They hold each other eyes for a few moments, until Sasuke just…nods, like he understands and accepts what Naruto's projecting.

Maybe it's written on his face, maybe it eases out of his body in waves, but Sasuke understands. He looks relieved, too, and some tension eases out of him in the same way a balloon deflates. He looks less hunched over and stands up straight, and Naruto looks away from how blindingly bright Sasuke's eyes become.

He holds Ino's hand tight the whole way home, rubbing her fingers with one hand as he drives with the other. He sleeps sounder than he has in months, warm and weightless.

4 ½.

"Amagumo."

When Itachi lays into him, he can't say anything.

Because it's all true.

Its part shock, because his brother is always calm, cool, collected. There are few things in this world that are capable of setting him off. Sasuke being a dumbass that can't get right to save his life apparently is number one on that list. Itachi knows him best after all, all things considered, and if he's honestly with himself, Sasuke needed to hear it. It's part bitterness, because Sasuke's said all these things to himself over and over when no one was around to hear but somehow hearing it from Itachi blisters hotter than his own words ever could.

Because he _is_ selfish, and Itachi may be the only one who knows the half of it.

He wasn't always this way—maybe? It's a hard call to make. He should say that it wasn't always _this_ bad—but after his heart was ripped from his chest and his whole world ended he got a little rough around the edges. Sad, really, how far he fell into despair, but there was no one around to feel sorry for him but himself.

It takes a long time to even function normally, to not wake up in immediate panic at the unfamiliar color of the walls. To not reach for a warm body that's not there. He's not used to sleeping alone or without a head tucked under his shoulder. At best he's a little screwed, at worst he's a completely useless disaster. He wasn't lying when he said he loved Naruto with all he had, and now that it's…over, he's an empty husk blowing away in the wind.

When he left he didn't plan on staying away forever. It was going to be a few months, maybe a year, because he only had so much money saved up and was sick for more than just his home. But New York was fast, bright, and huge, and Sasuke got lost there in more ways than one. He was a

mess, still is, drowned himself in straight-no-chaser drinks, in heady testosterone boys and silk-soft harlequin girls that wanted to fall in love with him and let him crash on their couches until he realizes their presence is minor comfort—mere distractions from the storm in his head and the hole in his heart—so he leaves before they wake in the morning and before they get in too deep.

First, he started modelling. Local shows, nothing well known or any national campaigns, because he had a pretty face and during that time, he thought his looks were all he was really good for. It kept him from starving most days and he met some great people with the same sad eyes of stained glass that he had. Next were convenience stores and fast food joints to pay off some of his student loans.

Every time he hears the sizzle of the grill it would remind him of Naruto and his love for cooking. He would see him then in his mind; the light of the morning spilling through the large window in their kitchen, humming some sultry tune while he whips up breakfast with practiced ease. He'd be bathed in gold, transcendent, and his smile would be stunning when Sasuke would wrap his arms around his middle from behind and lean on his shoulder. His kiss would taste of butterscotch.

Sasuke never worked with food for long.

Then, he got a paid internship at a big tech company; it was always his dream. He was so excited, nearly in tears when the email came in, until his cheer crashed and burned when he realized he had no one to share this accomplishment with. No, that wasn't true. It would take no effort at all to call his parents or his brother, but he couldn't do it. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't do it. How fucked would it be to disappear and send no word for months, only to call and say how _good_ he's doing on his own without them? It would be like a smack in the face. They didn't deserve that.

His pride and fear of judgement keep him stuck-firm in place, and before he knows it, he'd been gone for two years. It felt like longer, but he looks up and suddenly he's twenty three, living in an overpriced matchbox of an apartment and lonelier than ever. Sakura came before then, on his heels, with a sweet, awkward smile and all her luggage in tow. He wondered how she'd been able to find him so easily—

(Especially since he couldn't find himself. He didn't even know where to look.)

-and if she could find him, why couldn't anyone else? It wasn't like he was in hiding, like a hermit in the woods living off bark and berries. He'd been in magazines and his parents still transferred money to his account every once in a while, leaving little notes like "I hope you're doing well! Love you, be safe!" (His mother) and "Buy some vegetables." (His father) in the message box, so he knew that they cared. They were painfully sweet and made his heart tug painfully in his chest whenever he got one, so he'd screenshot the little messages and saved them in a folder to look at when he felt worthless, which was too often for his liking.

Still, maybe they just…weren't looking.

Hmm.

His feelings for her are confusing, to put it lightly. He hates her, maybe unfairly so, because in his head she's a villain, purposely trying to sabotage and ruin him. He knew about her feelings from long ago—he's not blind or dumb; anyone with half of a reasonable thought In their head could see it clear as day—but he'd told her flat out that it was never going to happen and he thought she'd leave it at that, but she pushed and pushed and he sort of felt sorry for her in a way so he let her stay even though he doesn't love her.

Well, he does, like a friend, because they spent years together in peaceful camaraderie before all this mess, thick as thieves. He didn't know how to throw that away so easily. So, he kept it, because she wanted him to, and used it to ease his lonely soul. But he'll never be able to give her what she wants-

(Never never _never_ )

-and Sasuke still has no idea why she sticks by him so tight like she won't ever let go, but sometimes it's nice to get a break for the silence and have someone waiting for him to return. Maybe because she chased him with all her might, left her whole world behind for love that blinded her fully. Maybe she thinks if she tries hard enough—does her best, cooks, cleans, offers carnal comforts—that he'll fall for her sooner or later out of familiarity and prior fondness. He won't, and she probably knows that but where will she be if she lets him go? Alone in a foreign place with no support system, just like him. She's too proud to give up so easily, too stubborn to accept the harsh truth. They're alike in many more ways than he'd like to admit.

Still, he lets her stay and try. He's selfish, because he could let her move on and be happy while he can't be. He's a fool, because he holds on just as tight because she's the last piece of home he has left. He's a bastard, because he despises her but can't set her free.

It's a tragedy, born of spite and desperation.

Sometimes, her eyes get distant and odd, looking out of the living room window with all the longing in the world. For what, he's not sure. She gets unnervingly quiet and he hates the way she sits there looking half-dead and unresponsive. He knows they're toxic for each other, that he's toxic for her, but nothing will change if she doesn't want to go herself. He's tried putting her out, throwing all her clothing down the stairs when things get too heated and he can't stand the sight of her anymore. But she's always huddled outside the door hours later, black tear tracks on her cheeks, shiver-cold that drags shaky gasps from her throat. Sometimes she's sleeping after wearing herself out, so he has to pick her up to put her in bed before bringing in her things and tucking her in.

Sometimes, he brings people over when he needs the touch of someone else. He and Sakura rarely sleep together; most times, he can't bring himself to, because he's already doing enough to hurt her without adding more complications. It usually happens when she's close to leaving for good and he's frantic for ways to get her to stay. She's fooled for a while but it never lasts long.

The people he brings over remind him of Naruto. Each and every one. There's a girl—bright and blue eyed, melodic wind chime-soft laughter with a talent for bad puns. She stays a while, soft and honey-sweet until her love's too much and he's too guilty to lead her on any further. His cheek stings for days.

There's a boy—blond and fever-loud. They wrestle playfully until it ends with pinned arms and hard kisses. He likes danger and troublemaking but cries like an angel when Sasuke tells him to go.

Another boy, innocent and untouched, with wild hair and a round face that gets closer than anyone to breaking Sasuke's hard shell of ice, but it's just not enough and he still manages to wish Sasuke the best even as his heart breaks.

He's so fucking selfish, because he lets them all believe that he cares about them, that they can actually _be_ something other than quick fucks and cuddle buddies when he doesn't want to sleep alone. He lets them believe he's not still head over heels in love. He lets them believe that he's worthy of their love. But he's not. And they'll never be Naruto. It will _always_ be Naruto. Always always always. From the beginning of time, for as long as he can remember and it won't go away.

No one else will ever be enough, but he seeks them out all the same.

He calls Itachi one Sunday afternoon, feeling tired and lonesome. He's not sure how long it's been. Years. He's not sure the number's even the same but he lets it ring anyway. His brother answers on the third ring, like he always used to, and Itachi gets three words out before Sasuke busts out the waterworks, the weight of the world easing out of him through his tears. Itachi just listens, like he's best at, adding careful words of reassurance here and there to calm Sasuke down.

He missed him so terribly. He's not sure how he ever lived without this, their talks. It's healing hearing his brother's voice, and he's encouraged to call his parents. His father tuts and asks him how he's eating while his mother lets the dam she was tending to finally burst. It's ambivalent, the feeling he gets, because hot tears are streaming down his cheeks and hiccups drag at his lungs but he's smiling so hard it's nearly painful, shaking hand pressed over his eyes like a blindfold while the other grips the phone.

He still stays, because he's got something here. He's making money and a name for himself. He talks to Itachi three days out of the week, like clockwork, year in and year out, and he tells him everything. Sasuke feels bad putting all of his bullshit onto his brother, but Itachi's always willing to lend an ear and give him advice. He's the only one Sasuke talks to about all his troubles and triumphs, all his hopes and fears, because Itachi understands him better than anyone. He took it for granted before, never grasping how similar they were and how patient Itachi really was with him.

He knows Itachi is disappointed in the way he acts, how he throws away lovers like they're disposable or trash. He never says it outright but it reflects in his words and tones. Sasuke hates that he's disappointing him, _again_ , but he's so lost and alone that he doesn't know how to stop. He's tempted to ask about Naruto—if he's doing well, if he's happy—but he chickens out every time the words rise to his lips. He never asks and Itachi never offers. Sasuke's grateful.

So when Itachi lays into him, he can't say anything.

Because it's all true. It still sucks that even his own brother thinks he trash.

He's never going to be truly happy; fuck a good job, a nice house and car. Fuck how others jump at the chance to sleep with him and how he's got someone so devoted to him for no reasonable reason. Fuck all his new friends and all the experiences he's had, it means nothing without Naruto. Nothing. He poisons himself, because anytime something remotely good happens to him, he thinks, "This would feel better if Naruto was here."

Maybe it's true, maybe it's not, but he can't get the man out of his head and can't let him go. It's fucking stupid, because he hasn't spoken to him in a decade, hasn't heard his voice—he's sad when he realizes he's forgotten what it sounded like. Just words, because he can still hear his laugh clear as day after all this time, like it's carried on the breeze—he doesn't even _know_ him anymore, yet he's still stuck on the idea and memory of him. But it drives him to keep going. Maybe they'll meet again soon and things will change because they're different people. That is, if Naruto could even be around him like he is now.

When he comes back, it's all wrong. It's foolish; he pictured Naruto single, living his dream out of being a chef, maybe owning his own restaurant, quieter and more mature if not a bit lonely. He would have strings of dates that didn't go anywhere and a wisdom in his eyes that wasn't there before. They'd meet at the bus stop and Naruto would look up and see him with those gorgeous blue eyes and give a little smile in acknowledgement, then Sasuke would beg, plead, and work as hard as he could for a chance to be friends again. He clearly watches too many movies. Fucking Nicholas Sparks.

It didn't matter anyway, because Naruto has a fucking kid.

One that looks just like him, so much so that it nearly knocks Sasuke off of his feet. He can't believe it. It hurts, because Menma looks just as Naruto did as a child, when Naruto was cute and gullible and followed after Sasuke like a baby duckling. It brings back all the memories of their childhood that he tried to push aside full force. In Menma, he sees warm summer nights and pillow forts, fireflies and snow cones. It's beautiful, but it hurts.

Not to mention his _wife_. Ino, of all people. Once again, Sasuke's not stupid. Even if he never paid much attention to her—they were always on the "friends of friends" status, never close, but familiar—he knew that she held a bit of a torch for Naruto for a while, but he didn't think it was that serious. Then again, he didn't think Sakura was either, so there's that.

Those two are locked in domestic bliss, happy, thriving, raising a child together. Seriously, the two of them responsible for a small human life? Don't make him laugh.

But it sucked, because everyone seemed to grow and change without him while he just sulked in silence and stayed in place. Even his brother was head over heels in love and married with a child on the way. Sasuke felt a bit…left out. Because even though he asked Sakura to marry him-why? For the same reason she's stayed with him for so long. They don't have anyone else—he would never have _that_. They wouldn't stare deep into each other's eyes like Itachi and Konan, wouldn't crack jokes at each other like Naruto and Ino. All he got was sitting with the TV off at dinner and asking each other about their day while they texted other people. He would never know _happiness_

like that.

He didn't set out to ruin anything. He honestly thought he could leave him alone. He thought things were _different_ now, that he was, at least a little. Naruto was just as beautiful as he remembered, just as funny and amazing and perfect. But he didn't belong to Sasuke anymore, hadn't for a long time. He was fully prepared to stay away and admire him from a distance, and _pine_ , and wish that Naruto still felt the same way that he did.

It doesn't work that way, and he's not proud of it.

(but he saw a chance. The tiniest fucking chance staring him right in the face, when Naruto's defenses were down and he knew it wouldn't happen again, so damn if he didn't take it.)

Quite the opposite. The events that played out just add further to his despair because he doesn't want Naruto like _this_. He doesn't want him to sneak around and betray his family and he _knows_ it's tearing Naruto apart. He fucking knows it but he wants him so bad.

But he can't be the reason Naruto's getting hurt _again_ , he can't. He can't stomach it a second time. But they're drawn to each other as they always have been. A gravitational pull that never let them stray too far. It's the same drive that makes him _push and push_ , the same drive that makes him pick up the phone even though he told Naruto not to call, to text him when he's sad because he knows even if Naruto doesn't respond, he read them. It's what made him kiss Naruto that warm September night all those years ago, what made him propose in the snow, and he knows he'll never feel this way about anyone else. He's doomed to feel this way forever.

Pathetic.

It's why he felt the need to leave, because when they first broke up he knew he wouldn't be able to stay away and only make things worse. He should have stayed forever, should have just destroyed himself with liquor and lies and let Naruto be happy. But he fucks up again—

(Like always, like _always._ )

-and they sleep together, only to have Itachi catch them.

Honestly, he wishes it would have Sakura. Maybe it would have finally (finally!) been enough to make her cut and run, because the words just won't come to him anymore. Ino would have found out though, and he didn't want to break them up even if his actions say differently. Ino doesn't deserve this; she's never done anything to him, never hurt him in anyway. She earned the life she has because she helped heal Naruto and put him back together. He didn't. Menma deserves both parents in his life and Sasuke can't even hope to fill those shoes.

(Would it be easier if he didn't know the woman Naruto married? If Menma didn't drudge up a ball of memories?)

Honestly, where does he get off? Where would this even _go_? If Naruto wasn't married anymore, would he be able to be with Sasuke? Probably not, since he hasn't forgiven him. So what? They'd keep up a torrid affair that wouldn't lead anywhere, always running back to each other even though they can't work anymore, end up old and unhappy wondering what could have been if

Sasuke wasn't such a fuck up, their relationship just as unhealthy as it is now. Sounds about right.

It's almost funny, because he can't even imagine a happy ending anymore.

Serves him right.

He gets another ear full after Itachi and Naruto have their little…moment. Sasuke can't help feeling a bit jealous that Itachi can touch him so easily, that they're so close and comfortable with each other. They always were before but it's clearly become deeper and more meaningful in his absence. He's a tiny bit bitter, too, because Itachi _still_ treats Naruto like the innocent party that gets roped into bullshit by mean ol' Sasuke, just like when they were kids. Sasuke gets _why_ , but it'd be nice for Itachi to defend his own brother sometimes instead of always acting that way for someone he _thinks_ of like a brother. It's not like Sasuke will say anything, because even now he doesn't know how to put those feelings into words.

Itachi takes pity on him eventually, eyes softening and body losing some of its tension. He wonders how much longer Itachi's going to put up with his constant whining and incessant failings. He's got a feeling that the days of unloading onto his brother with no (obvious) judgement are numbered.

"That was uncalled for." Itachi says long after Naruto's gone. They're standing in the kitchen now, drinking scotch because they both need it. Sasuke _had_ to get off the couch because it's still warm from what took place before. "Forgive me, I just…."

Sasuke raises a hand to stop him, still reeling from what Itachi just revealed to him. Naruto tried to…kill himself? He can't imagine it, a world without Naruto. He could have _died_ , left this earth with a whisper instead of a bang (which would have been so, so unworthy of him) and Sasuke wouldn't have even _known_. How fucked is that?

"No, you're right." Sasuke says, and it burns his tongue to admit. "I should be apologizing. The way I've been acting is just…childish and ridiculous and I'm sorry for dragging you into my problems again." _Again_. Itachi always sees him at his worst. Or maybe he just sees who he really is period. Sasuke's starting to think there's no difference between the two.

Itachi sighs heavily and takes a sip, blinking slowly at him over his glass. "I love you, you know that right?" Itachi says after a few moments. Sasuke does know that, more than anything. It hasn't felt that way recently, but he does. "And I want you to be happy. But this? This isn't going to make you happy, Sasuke."

"I know." He mumbles, feeling like a petulant child getting lectured.

He gets a hard look in return. "Do you?"

" _Yes_." He retorts. "It was a mistake, I know that, and there's no reason why it should have happened."

"Sasuke—"

" _And_ I'm a piece of shit, I know that, too. I don't need you to say it."

Itachi rolls his eyes and puts a hand on his shoulder. Sasuke has to fight hard not to flinch at his touch. "I don't think you're a piece of shit, Sasuke." He says. That sounds fake, but okay. "You're just an idiot."

Sasuke snorts. "Thanks, that's so much better."

Itachi smirks at him briefly, but then he frowns again and squeezes his shoulder. "I'm serious. You're not perfect, Naruto isn't either and I'm certainly not. But you're both definitely stupid; just some love-stuck idiots that don't know how to quit each other and I don't think any of us realized how serious it was until now."

"Did you just make a Brokeback mountain reference?" Sasuke asks quizzically, mouth twitching at the corners.

"I've never watched that movie and I have no idea what you're talking about." He responds dryly, but his eyes are alight and they give him away.

Sasuke almost laughs, but there's something that's been weighing on him for a while and he can't decide if he should say it or not. He frowns, considering, but then goes for it.

"So you don't think I'm the worst person of all time?" He asks seriously, resisting the urge to look away and shuffle his feet _._ Itachi makes a startled noise in the back of his throat and looks at him like he's lost his mind.

"No?" He says slowly, raising an eyebrow. "Why on earth would you think that?" Really?

"But you blame me for, well, everything that's happened don't you?" He takes it back; it's coming. He's totally putting those feelings into words.

"Yes. Majority of this is _directly_ your fault." Itachi says matter-of-factly.

Subtle.

" _But,_ I don't think you're The Worst. I just…You're my brother, and I love you. I love you both. It's tough watching you hurt yourself over and over again and I know I can be hard on you sometimes but I just want you to do better for yourself. I always have. You're so much more than this."

Sasuke nods but doesn't say anything. Itachi sighs and passes a hand over his face.

"I always thought that you two were going to make it. Hell, everyone did, and I know you still do. I can't say that you're wrong because I don't have all the answers, and I get it, it's quite the adjustment to be _nothing_ to each other. It's probably impossible for you two. But I can't keep watching you kill yourself over this and try so hard over the tiniest possibility that you two can work out because it's probably not going to happen and you know that. No matter how much you love him, at some point, you _have_ just get over it, Sasuke."

Sasuke drowns the rest of his drink and sighs. He nods again, rubbing the back of his neck, a little embarrassed. Of course Itachi loves and supports him, of course he does. No matter how bad it gets. But what did he expect when he always tells Itachi all of his troubles? He has to get tired of Sasuke's same old shit sometimes. He's nicer than most would be about it.

"Yeah, yeah, you're right. And thanks for, uh, thanks for being there for me through all of this." He says, because he honestly doesn't thank him enough and he should really start making up for

it.

"Of course. Anytime. I'm glad we had this talk, actually, because I suspected you've been holding on to some feelings like that for a while now. I was just waiting for you to address it." Of course he did. "Now, the next step is to get you into therapy." Itachi says simply.

Sasuke looks up sharply, alarmed. "What?"

Itachi levels him with a stern look. "Do you think I'm kidding? No offense, but you _really_ need it. I'm nowhere near qualified to handle that shit storm inside of you." Eloquent as always." I never was, but I tried the best I could. Besides, I went myself."

"Really?" Sasuke asks. He could never picture Itachi with a shrink.

"Of course. Do you think I became the model, well-adjusted adult I am without help?" He jokes, letting out a soft chuckle. "Seriously though, you've got a lot of things you need to talk about, like your attachment issues and your impulsiveness, among other things. I, for one, am not touching whatever it is you've got going on with Sakura with a long stick. Out of my jurisdiction. I know an excellent therapist and I want to help you, but this can only happen if you agree to do so. It's up to you."

Sasuke's mouth is open by the end of his little speech, and Itachi's just watching him with a raised eyebrow, fingers tapping on the counter as he waits for Sasuke's answer.

Just lay it all out there, why don't you?

But maybe he's right. Sasuke's been out of sorts for way too long and maybe it's time, you know? To actually deal with his issues instead of pushing them aside. He takes back what he said though, about Itachi being nicer than most about it. He's rude as hell. Well, they are brothers, after all.

"Okay." He says. He means it. "I promise I'll go soon."

Itachi smiles brilliantly and claps both hands on his shoulders. "Great. We're going to get you feeling like Sasuke again."

He can get behind that. But he hasn't felt like himself in so long, can he even be found again? The look on Itachi's face says yes, and even if he fails, he'll try for his sake.

It's the least he could do.

…

Later on, at the funeral, he still means it. He slipped a bit, accidently meeting with Naruto in the bathroom and doing more things that shouldn't have. But as soon as he got home he called the therapist Itachi suggested and set up appointments. It makes him feel tingly, like it will make waking up every day start to be less of a chore. He also wants Itachi to have a reason to feel proud of him again, as well as a reason for himself.

"Life's too short…" the pastor says, and it resonates with Sasuke fully. He looks at Naruto's head sitting in front of him— just as amazing and perfect as he's always been, even though he's black with grief right now, and he can't agree more. Naruto will always be his most important person, but he'll never be _his_. It's time to let the past be the past. He's so ready.

But that doesn't matter right now, because his brother's gripping him tight and fighting back tears and Sasuke needs to be there for him. He hasn't been in a long time and he realizes that. Their relationship has been 80/20 for a while; Itachi always helping him out when he needed it but Sasuke couldn't be bothered to return the favor. He understands a lot of Itachi's resentment and he desperately wants to ease it.

"Did you keep your promise?" Itachi asks him quietly as the walk out of the church. Sasuke wants to protest, because this isn't about him, but his brother is shaking and he needs to hear something _good_ , so Sasuke obliges him.

But which promise? The promise to seek help? To do better? Or to stop seeing Naruto?

"Yes." He says. "I did." It's not quite a lie. Best two out of three.

Itachi gives him a small, shaky smile and squeezes his hand. "I'm glad." He says, leaning into him heavily. He's glad to shoulder his weight.

When Naruto looks at him at the graveyard, over space between them that feels like acres, he sees his own resolve reflected back in Naruto's eyes. He's just standing there, bright and beautiful, unbearably lovely, blue eyes shining bright with little specks of gold. Sasuke feels the surge between them, the tectonic shift, and it pulls so much black miasma out of him that he finally feels like he can stand up straight. He whispers a tiny goodbye to what they had that only he can hear, and tiny tears pools at the side of his eyes. He's glad Naruto looks away before he can see them.

When he goes home, he's warm and weightless. He sleeps sounder than he has in months.

…

4 ¾.

"Sozo Saisei."

When the cord finally snaps and he unloads onto Sasuke, it's hard to stop.

Because it's been coming for a long time.

It's part shock, because the little bastard had the nerve to sleep with a married man with the _door unlocked_ after Itachi told him he was bringing over lunch. He _told_ him. They made plans and everything. Who does that? Really? Now the food's wasted.

It's part irritation, because here they go again, getting in over their heads and one or both of them is going to come running to him to help sort it out because whenever they're near each other, they can't think straight.

It's a tired cycle. Itachi's tired.

It's been like this forever. Back, back in the day when he used to walk them both to kindergarten, one overgrown baby hanging off each hand, and he had to get them to talk to each other calmly again without fighting—easier said than done-because Sasuke's mad and using the silent treatment for whatever reason and Naruto's having a fit trying to get his attention the best he can, but it's not working so now he's lashing out and Itachi's literally the buffer standing in between them. He sealed his fate long ago.

He's the sentry. The silver knight. The one who looks out and rarely gets looked out for. A terrible, terrible fate indeed.

He's angry, because it's the same old shit over and over and no matter how many times he tries to guide and warn them they'll both fall back into unhealthy patterns. But he never comes out and says, straight up, how tired he is of them sabotaging themselves because he can't stop treating Naruto like spun glass because _someone_ has to and he's worried what Sasuke will do if he thinks even Itachi has turned against him.

He knows he's a bit too protective of Naruto. He has been for a while. He can't help it; he's the older brother to _both_ of them. Naruto never had any siblings, but good Lord, did he need the guidance of one. Since Naruto and his brother were a packaged deal, he was happy to have that responsibility.

Naruto was a sweet child, prone to crying and a little sickly. He was small for his age, chubbyround, easily distracted and generous with his affections. He'd sit on Itachi's lap with a book he wanted read to him or blink up at him from under the table while Itachi did homework, quietly waiting for him to be done. Itachi thought it was cute, because he knew sitting still was hard for

Naruto, but he'd do it just for him. When he was young, Naruto was soft and needed protecting.

Sasuke wasn't soft. He was moody and independent, all sharp lines and focused. He grew out of cuddles quick, twisting out of embraces and rolling his little eyes at baby talk. "I'm _not_ a baby." He'd say huffily whenever Itachi would pinch his cheeks or try to tickle him. Oh well, Naruto

liked it.

But he needed to protect Sasuke for other reasons. He was sensitive and quiet. Sometimes he had a problem with being alone. Itachi saw this early on, when Sasuke would slip in his room in the dead of night, nestling in close. In the morning he'd say he was cold instead of scared or lonely, and Itachi wouldn't comment on it. He'd see it when Naruto had to go to a doctor's appointment or away for a weekend, and Sasuke would get pouty and restless, eyes always on the window so he'd be able to see when his friend came back. It was cute. All the adults thought so, cooing and fussing over the two of them like little baby dolls. Sometimes, it would give Itachi pause, because

Sasuke would say that he didn't need anyone but Naruto to be his friend. But where did that leave Itachi? They were siblings, yes, but he liked to think they had a relationship for more reasons than they _had_ to.

If he's honest, he was a little jealous. When he was small, he didn't have someone that grew up next door and was treated like family. Someone that knew him best despite his faults, and he certainly didn't fall in love with them. But he got the both of them, and that was more than enough.

Sometimes, he's too hard on Sasuke, he knows that. His little brother is honestly trying his best in an awful situation. It's so disappointing to Itachi, because Sasuke was supposed to be the better one, you know? Itachi went through the jungle of life first and took a machete to it so the both of them could have a clearer path. It's weird, because he admired Sasuke in a huge way, even though some act like it should be the other way around. Sasuke's better at making (and keeping) friends, at expressing his feelings, at having clear goals for his life and knowing who he wanted to spend the rest of it with. All things Itachi couldn't do.

Itachi's possessive, overbearing, takes on everyone's problems as his own and too short with people. He's not patient or nice—not that Sasuke is either, but he saw the type of person his brother was going to become and he was so proud of it. Itachi was the prototype—he was going to be the one to fuck up, to fumble, to be lost and confused— and Sasuke was supposed to the final model. The one who'd get through their formative years with as little scrapes, bruises, and scars as possible. He was supposed to be everything Itachi was not, and then some. It was a little unrealistic, but he guesses it's a good thing that Sasuke fell off the pedestal in his eyes, because now he sees him as a person instead of a concept.

Tiny victories and all that.

His relationship with his brother suffered because of his own idealistic expectations, because of his own disappointment in a person that didn't exist, that was human and had faults. That was his fault, not Sasuke's. He knew where Sasuke was the whole time before Sasuke reached out to him, but never called and never visited because he was guilty and _mourning_.

While that was happening, his relationship with Naruto flourished. Itachi had to take the backseat when the two of them were dating. He minded a little, just a little, because his little buddy wasn't so little anymore, wild and full of mischief, but still kind and caring to those around him. But suddenly, when Sasuke was gone and they were all reeling from what happened between them, Naruto relied on him again. He sat on his lap and cried, blinked up at him from the floor while he moaned that he couldn't take it anymore. With only one of them around all the love that Itachi had to give—and God, it was so much, why didn't people understand that?—was regulated all to him. Sometimes, the lines blurred for their relationship, sometimes he forgot Naruto wasn't really his brother. That his own brother was off fighting a losing battle _alone_ and he didn't help him because he was bitter and petty.

Petty because Sasuke abandoned him too, when he left. They were supposed to stick everything out together. Itachi went through his own depression during his teenage years and he kept silent about it. He was expected to be the best, to keep up his good grades, to honor the family name. There was a lot of pressure on him from a young age and sometimes it was too heavy for him to carry. He's not sure if his parents ever noticed, probably not, because everyone believed Itachi was strong all the time and he never let them think any differently.

The boys knew, because they knew him well.

It's why he didn't die at seventeen even though he desperately wanted to, because Naruto would drag him off the couch and force him to function, he'd plan out days for them and make Itachi have fun. Sasuke went about it differently. He was in tune with him, so he knew when Itachi was feeling worthless and down. Every time.

"You're worthy." He'd whisper from the foot his Itachi bed, rubbing soft circles on his ankle. "You're worthy."

He's not even sure if Sasuke remembers those quiet moments, or if Naruto knows how much he helped him survive. But he cherishes those memories, and he loves the both of them so much—so much. God, so much—so he knew he has to return the favor. But he's bitter, because he can't believe it was Sasuke that would drive Naruto to hurt himself. No, not him. Impossible. And Sasuke left him alone to deal with his own pain and forgot all about Itachi's.

And Sasuke's a wreck in New York, so the pain never stops. All those skype calls and late night texts startle him every time, because this isn't his brother. He has no idea who this is, a user, an asshole, a trifling mess. But he remembers that boy that used to sit on the roof and watch the stars with him, that painted pictures for him just because, that brought Itachi cool rocks and leaves he thought he'd like. If this is Sasuke now, he just has to accept it. Because Sasuke was alone. Even as Naruto suffered, he had friends and family. He got Itachi. And Ino. And Menma. He had a chance. He has to accept this man isn't a stranger because it's only fair, given the circumstances.

He's not blind to who Naruto is either, because he hasn't been a nice and sweet boy for a while. He's colder, older, more calculated than some think. There's periods of intense selfishness that come without warning that surprise Itachi to no end. It's what hurt does, he guesses, and Naruto's just trying to look out for himself the best he can. It's hard to accept that they aren't his boys anymore, they're men. Wrecked, reckless men, but he has to. He _has_ to.

He knows they can get there and be happy. He did. With his wonderful wife and the child he's looking forward to. It took forever to end up in a good place. He reached out, he talked to people. He admitted to his friends that he wasn't okay, he sought help. It helped him recognize his own resentments and how unfair he was being to the both of them; his endless coddling of Naruto and treating him like the child he wasn't, and he expected Sasuke to be perfect even thought that same expectation drove Itachi nearly insane.

He's serious when he says he wants to get Sasuke help. He was going to suggest the same thing to Naruto, but life had a sad surprise for him and he didn't get the chance. They both should, because they have deep rooted things they've never said and never dealt with, and he can only do so much. He doesn't like feeling helpless, he doesn't like the idea that he can't be their hero all the time, not anymore. But he'll still do what he can. He wants them to heal, he wants them to mend all the broken pieces they've been carrying around so long and finally let all that weight go. He'll do whatever he must to protect them, even if it's from each other. He just hopes they'll understand.

When he looks up from his embrace of Sasori's widow, he sees them watching each other silently, over graves and grass and little bits of stone. He's worried for a moment, not sure what's going to happen, but the breeze comes in from the east and they both sigh. He sees it, when peace finally tries to find them, and despite the heaviness in his heart it brings a smile to his face for a moment, but then he frowns. He notices the fullness of Naruto's face, still chubby-round, eyes shining wet like a river's surface He sees how Sasuke's so handsome, all sharp lines and full of resolve. They don't look so broken anymore, but maybe it's just wishful thinking or a trick of light.

He's not sure if they aren't meant to be. He has no idea and he wishes he did. He wishes he could tell them this will all work out in the end, one way or another, but he can't. So, if they're going to let go of each other, he has to support it, even if right now, it feels wrong.

Maybe it's for the best.

…

When it's time to go, Sasuke comes and slings an arm over his shoulder, pulling him close. Itachi melts into it, reveling in the warmth of his brother's body heart against his skin.

"You okay?" Itachi offers quietly. It could mean anything. Are you okay with what's happening?

With what's _about_ to happen? Where we all are going to go from here? But none of that matters to Sasuke, because he gives Itachi a careful look and raises an eyebrow.

"I should be asking you that." He says warily.

Itachi chuckles humorlessly. Even now, when he's in pain, he's still the lookout.

Somethings never change.

5.

"Henge."

Ino's acting a bit strange.

Naruto doesn't notice it at first, because the rest of November is so busy he barely has time to rest. Menma wanted to get into martial arts—because one of his little friends started not too long ago so now he _has_ to. (Papa, I _have_ to!) Naruto's worried his little boy is too easily roped into things and this will only spell trouble later on. But Naruto's weak to that face, so twice a week he's shuffling down to the dojo where Lee teaches—because he's the only one Naruto trusts and that "friends and family discount" is too good to pass up— it's his responsibility because Ino takes him to swim practice, and they try to take turns with Menma's ever growing list of activities.

He's got to hire new staff, because he had to let go his sous-chef after he was caught in some shady dealings, _and_ he needs a new deep-fry cook and two new waiters that _want_ to work more than four hours a week—

Alright, that's petty, but his last two barely even _scratched_ part-time but acted like the deserved full-time money. Ha—and he promised his mother a long time ago he'd help her paint the inside of her shop but he had no idea she'd call the favor in _now_ , but he's never been able to say no to her and his arms ache by the time he's done. And, and, _and_ —

So he doesn't notice at first.

She stares at him when she thinks he's not paying attention. Not angry or sad, just blank and searching. She looks at him like _she's_ the one that's missing something that's going on here instead of him. He tries asking, but she smiles tight and looks away quickly. It always made him uneasy before, when she got like this, usually in a way he couldn't put his finger on. Now, he knows why: because she never comes to him with her problems, always leaves him out of figuring out the root cause and he's never been able to do that fast enough. He tries not to get frustrated with her because it's how she's always been. Strong, stronger than him at least. But he'd think she could try to depend on him just _a little_ , even if these episodes have become almost a rarity.

It's hard not to notice when she's this pensive and withdrawn, staring out the window vacantly while doing the dishes, scrubbing the same one over and over while her eyes scan the distance for _something_.

(He could kick himself for taking so long to notice and letting it fester. There's no good type of festering.)

Maybe its detachment, or dissociation, because sometimes she walks around like she she's lost and haunts the house, hair loose and floating, eyes somewhere else. Maybe it's something different entirely. Almost like numb shock, or surprise. At what?

He wracks his brain trying to recall the last time she shut down on him like this. Maybe when— no, not then. Or, it wasn't this bad, at least. What about—not quite then either. He's close, it's on the tip of his tongue. He thinks and thinks. Wait, he's got it. The last time she got like this was

when she was—

Naruto pauses, looking away from the TV show he's barely watching to turn his attention to her.

"Are you…pregnant?" He asks slowly, unsure, words coming out like molasses.

Ino looks up from filing her cherry-colored nails, blinks twice at him and tilts her head like she's confused, at first he thinks he's wrong, like maybe he jumped the gun and assumed too much, but her lip twitches slightly and she shakes her head like he's ruined the surprise. His breath catches slightly and he stands in excitement, taking her hands and pulling her off the couch.

"Really? Are you really?" He asks breathlessly and she giggles at his reaction before nodding.

"It's really early." She admits a bit guiltily. "Almost six weeks. I didn't want to get your hopes up."

He laughs then, pulling her into a tight hug and spinning her around in circles over and over. She starts to laugh too; her arms thread around his neck like a choker with her head presses deep into his shoulder. He lets her down and presses their foreheads together, stroking her cheeks and smiling wide.

"I love you." He whispers, and her eyelashes flutter as she leans into him.

"I love you, too." She whispers back, but her tone is off. The look in her eyes is off, too, and it throws him for a moment. He thinks back to her earlier behavior, how _odd_ she was acting, like was upsetting her instead of bringing her joy. It shouldn't be like how it was before—like when they found out about Menma—because they're together this time, because this was the _plan_ instead of something that just _happened_. She acting like, like—

"Aren't you happy?" He asks, and it pains him to even do so.

Ino makes a noise in the back of her throat, goes to speak but decides against it, then shrugs and huffs.

His elation dies an ugly death.

What a common theme, these days.

"It's, I'm, it's not that I'm _not_ —"She starts, floundering and nearly sucking her teeth.

Naruto feels a heavy lump forming in his throat and he tries futility to swallow it down. "I'm am happy. I know that you wanted another baby for a while so—"

"But you didn't?" He asks, cutting her off. It's maybe the one thing he's never asked her. The most important thing. But he can't imagine that she wouldn't, because they've talked about this before. About baby names and genders and what color the spare room would be when it happened. Or, he did most of the talking. She would nod and add a suggestion here and there but mostly she let him rattle off his plan to raise the perfect baby and have the perfect family in the next 1.5 to 2 years while she mmhmm'd and patted his cheek and busied herself with something else.

 _Fuck_.

Maybe she…didn't? Maybe she was trying not to disappoint him and couldn't say it outright that she wasn't on board? Has he been pressuring her? He didn't think he was forceful about it but he could be wrong. His behavior's been all over the place lately so it wouldn't be much of a surprise.

Ino looks affronted, like he's insulted her to the core. "Of course I want this baby Naruto, Jesus. What the hell?" She crosses her arms and stares him down until he feels bad for jumping the gun and assuming.

"Then why have you been so…like you have been about it?" He asks. It sounds petulant to his ears and he cringes.

He's such an asshole. She doesn't have to literally jump for joy to show she was excited. Of course she'd want the baby, why wouldn't she? But something was clearly still wrong here.

"I just…" She runs a nervous hand through her hair and sighs. "Haven't things been weird between us lately? You've been pulling away from me, and you seem…upset at me for some reason? I don't really know how to put it, but I just feel like something's going on with you and you're slipping away from me. I'm worried about adding another child in the mix because we'll have even less time to talk about it and before we know it we'll be sleeping in different beds and barely speaking. I don't want that." Her voice catches a bit at the end of it, ducking her head like she's going to cry, and Naruto nearly panics.

 _Shit_.

"Sweetheart, no. That's not going to happen. You don't have to worry about that." He says, lifting her head with a soft push against her chin so she'll look at him. Like he thought, her eyes are a bit shiny so he smiles at her even though he's sure it looks more like a grimace. "I'm just stressed, is all. These last few months have been _quite_ the ordeal but that's no excuse to shut you out. It's…

I'm sorry if I made you feel that way, but I'm not purposely pulling away from you. I'm fine. _We're_ fine. I promise."

She's always been sharp, maybe a bit too much for her own good. He was stupid to think she wasn't paying attention to him, stupid for getting upset while thinking she didn't care. Of course she did. She was probably trying to give him a little privacy, maybe let him come to her first. But he seeing now how much his off behavior was bothering her and he's incredibly guilty. He'll do anything to prove to her that he's still _hers_. It might not have been true weeks ago, but at least it's true now.

Ino doesn't look convinced, eyes searching his face for something he's not sure of.

"Are you sure?" She asks shakily. "Because I know what a wild ride it's been recently and I really just want to—"

"I know, I know. But we're a team, baby, and it's all going to be okay. I shouldn't have pulled away from you but you've got to let me in sometimes too, okay? I had no idea you were feeling like this and I don't know if you don't share with me. Let's just promise to be honest with each other from now on. Deal?" He says in a hopeful tone.

From _now_ on, he emphasizes, because for once in his fucking life he's going to keep his mouth shut and not ruin a good thing. It's never happened before, and it's never going to happen again. He can totally do it, because he's finally getting what he's always wanted and he's going to hold onto it as hard as he possibly can. Finally he thinks, _finally_. Something in his life is going to go right.

She smiles, reassured, and goes to hug him. "Deal." She whispers into his shoulder, and he rubs her back a litters kisses onto her neck. "We'll be honest with each other."

He doesn't see the way her hands clench on her shirt, or the look in her eyes over his shoulder, doesn't feel the tenseness in her body or hear the sigh on her lips, too wrapped up in his elation about things to come.

Typical.

…

They really shouldn't have been. Honest, that is. Maybe they should have kept everything to themselves until the end of time. Maybe it wouldn't have ended up this way.

…

He doesn't tell his mother even though he's itching to do so. He knows she'll be so excited about another grandchild to spoil rotten, probably as much as he is. But he refrains, because Ino asks him to. He knows about not telling people before the third month because it's common for miscarriages in the first trimester. She doesn't want to get everyone excited just in case something happens. It makes sense to him. So he promises not to tell his parents, or Itachi, or their friends, because she gives him a firm look and he folds like a deck of cards even though he wants to tell _so, so bad_.

He'll have to sit pretty until she gives him the A-Okay and then he'll scream it from the rooftops. It's hard to miss his jolly gait or perpetual grin, though, so his friends know something good has happened whenever he walks into the same room as them. They tease him, but he can see the warm light in the eyes during, probably happy that he's happy about whatever it is instead of being depressed again.

"Maybe he got laid." Kiba says, nudging Neji's shoulder playfully. Naruto glares at him over his burger and goes to protest, but Neji speaks up first.

Neji shakes his head, taking a sip from his drink. "He gets laid all the time. This is something else."

"Maybe Ino let him try something new?" Hinata offers unhelpfully, smiling sheepishly when Naruto balks at her betrayal. TenTen giggles beside her and makes kissy faces at him.

"Like what, anal?" Shino suggests dryly. Naruto can't tell if he's joking or not from behind his dark glasses, and his tone never helps any because it never changes. He loves Shino, but he's a bit blunter than the rest of them—Or he should say, the one with the worst filter out of the lot, which is sort of impressive, considering—and works farther away outside the city at a university, so he doesn't hang out with them as often as he used to. Naruto missed him a lot but now he's wondering why that is.

"Hey!" He gets out over the sound of Choji choking on a fry because he started laughing in surprise at Shino's statement. "This is my wife we're talking about, here!"

"Oh, calm down Naruto, nobody's insulting her. We're just trying to figure out what's going on with you." Kiba says, raising his hands in mock surrender. "So spill."

"He doesn't have to if he doesn't want to." Shikamaru defends, bumping his knee against Naruto's under the table in support. Bless him. He's always been Naruto's favorite friend. "I'm guessing it's more like he won the lottery or something. Smarmy bastard doesn't want to tell so he won't have to share." Naruto makes a noise of indignation and the whole table laughs at him.

"Oh shit!" TenTen hisses suddenly, looking behind Naruto's head at something he can't see from her side of the table.

"What?" Hinata asks, startled, looking around.

"Sasuke's over there!" TenTen whisper-yells, pointing her finger despite how obvious that is.

Of course he is. _Of course_.

"And _hello_ , holy shit he looks hot." She whistles. Neji looks at her like she's betrayed him in the worst possible way.

His friends, his wonderful, amazing, _tactless_ friends all turn and crane their necks to see where she's looking. He prays that Sasuke's not paying attention because god, this is embarrassing. He resists the urge to cover his face with his hands.

"Wow, he does." Hinata says, and Kiba scoffs.

"He's alright." Kiba mumbles. "It's the hair isn't it?"

Ugh. Why? Naruto thinks. Why'd he have to be _here_? Well, it's a mall, and a free country. Sasuke can go wherever he wants. It's not like he's actively avoiding him ( _today_ ) or dreads the sight of him, but he knows that this is going to be gossip for the rest of the day amongst his friends. He doesn't feel like nodding along while they inevitably trash Sasuke because for one, he's in a great mood and that's not a topic he wishes to revisit at the moment, and two, because he doesn't feel like…treating Sasuke badly anymore. Not that he can tell them that, because they'll want to know why and there's no way he's explaining all the shit he's been through over the past few weeks. No way.

"Hey." Neji whispers beside him. "You good? Should we go?" Naruto smiles at the serious look on Neji's face and is grateful for how his friend worries over him.

"I'm fine, we don't have to do that." He says, nudging him. "He and I fine actually, on speaking terms. It's not as awkward anymore."

Now it's just awkward for a different reason.

"Really? When did that happen?" TenTen asks. She doesn't take her eyes off whatever Sasuke's doing, though. Neji raises an eyebrow like he wants to know, too.

Well, we danced around each other like idiots and then I slept with him. It's hard to be mad at a guy for cheating on you when you've done the same thing, he wants to say.

Somehow he still manages, though.

"Just did. We… _talked_ and now we're cool. Don't sweat it. We don't have to duck and hide if he sees us." He says easily, hoping they won't press. Hinata nods and smiles at him like she's proud. Shino shrugs because he wasn't going to ask and probably didn't care either way. He sees Shikamaru give him a look out of the corner of his eye like his genius friend knows there's more to it, but if Shikamaru's anything, he's discreet when it counts so he probably won't ask until they're in private. He can be his favorite friend again.

"So would it be cool if we called him over?" Choji asks. He flinches when everyone looks at him and starts flailing his arms. "What? I haven't seen him in forever! If Naruto's not enforcing the

All-Things-Sasuke-Embargo anymore, it'd be cool to talk to him again."

"That's true." Hinata admits a bit guiltily. TenTen nods enthusiastically and Shikamaru shrugs like it doesn't matter but Naruto doesn't miss the way he sits up a bit straighter. Shino nods around his forkful of chipotle so he's clearly on board.

"I'm…not opposed." Neji grinds out like it's the hardest thing he's ever had to say and TenTen grins hard at his support. Naruto feels a stab of remorse, because his friends clearly tried to support him as best they could while neglecting their own friendships with Sasuke. He's always been touched by how far they go for him. He remembers then what Sakura said, about how hard it was for anyone else to get close to Sasuke before. It's obvious that they really cared for him but pushed that aside to be on Naruto's side.

What did he ever do to get people this devoted to him? He'll never know.

"So who's going to get up and go say something?" Shikamaru asks. "Nose goes."

"Rock, paper, scissors?" Kiba offers lamely at the same time.

TenTen sucks her teeth at their childishness and stands, cupping her hands around her mouth and calling: "SASUKE!" as loud as she possibly can and it echoes around the whole food court.

Of course, everyone for _miles_ turns to look in their direction, including Sasuke, and Naruto sinks down in his seat trying to hide from the startled, judging eyes around them.

"Oh, God." Neji mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose as TenTen waves Sasuke over with erratic movements.

"Well, that settles that." Shino says.

"He's coming!" Hinata announces like it's not already obvious, pulling her cardigan together to tidy up her appearance. Naruto's surprised to notice that all his friends unconsciously check their appearances by looking at the screens of their phones or from the reflection of the napkin holder while he approaches, trying to make sure they look good. He huffs. Losers.

"Hey!" TenTen says bubbly when Sasuke arrives at the table. He's got a bit of a nervous smile on his face, like he's not sure why they would call him over. He sends a quick, questioning look to Naruto and all he can do is shrug back and give him a small smile in return.

"Hey." He responds carefully. That's all it takes for Hinata to hop up and embrace him, rushing out a quick: "It's good to see you!" while Sasuke stands there awkwardly, confused as to why anyone would think it's _good_ to see _him_. Naruto feels a pang of sympathy for him.

"Yeah, man, it's been forever!" Choji says, reaching over to shake his hand. Shino and Shikamaru do the same, while Neji offers a curt nod which Sasuke returns. Its progress, Naruto thinks, better than throwing a punch. He bumps Neji's shoulder in appreciation.

"C'mon, pull up a seat!" TenTen says cheerily, and Sasuke looks at Naruto again like he needs permission to even consider it. Naruto smiles at him again and nods in confirmation. He doesn't have to do that, but Naruto can see why he would think that he should.

He squeezes in between Hinata and Shino, drumming his fingers on the table nervously. Naruto could almost laugh at how much he looks like a scared little kid right now, so twitchy and unsure. It's cute. He doesn't think Sasuke would appreciate being called 'cute' right now, so he bites his lip and fights down a smile.

"Calm down, dude." Kiba says with a laugh. "We aren't going to kill you. It's been a while and we just wanted to see how you're doing, man." He grins to reassure him.

Sasuke relaxes a little, smiling in return, and Naruto tunes out their catching up because he's heard all this already, choosing instead to take long sips of his soda and watching mall shoppers shuffle to and fro.

He focuses again when he hears Sasuke ask: "So, what have all of you been up to today?"

It's Shikamaru that responds first, beating out everyone else who was about to talk all at once and over each other. Naruto smiles to himself at their barely concealed excitement. "We were just grilling Naruto about why he's so happy all of a sudden. We narrowed it down to winning the lottery and anal." He says conversationally.

Sasuke snorts, looking over at him with an intrigued eyebrow, and Naruto nearly chokes on his

Pepsi when he realizes how much of a _different_ implication that last sentence took on now that Sasuke's around. He sees the second that Sasuke realizes it too, if his wide eyes are anything to go by, but he reigns in his expression swiftly and laughs good-naturedly with everyone else.

Ahem.

"You guys don't have to know _all_ my business." He chimes in playfully.

You really, really don't.

"Of course we don't, but you're practically skipping everywhere you go, Naruto. And you don't skip, so whatever it is, it must be good." Neji presses.

"Please?" Hinata begs, battering her eyelashes purposely. Damn her, using that pretty face to get him to cave.

"You're a monster." He mutters, and TenTen grins because he won't be long now.

"Oh." Sasuke says suddenly, like he's remembered something. Everyone looks over to him, and his eyes are firmly on Naruto. "I forgot. I didn't know when I was going to see you next, but I wanted to say it face to face. So, congratulations."

"Huh?" Naruto says, genuinely confused.

It's Sasuke's turn to look confused, and he tilts his head slightly like a puppy. "I…Sakura told me that Ino's pregnant. She is, right? So I wanted to congratulate you in person." Adding a sweet, if not wistful, smile at the end of it.

She. Did. What.

"Oh my gosh!" Hinata screeches, clapping her hands together. Neji claps on his back in commendation, smiling wide while the others start saying words of approval and talking in excited tones. Sasuke's smile dims when he notices Naruto's tight look.

"Oh shit." He mumbles to himself. "That was…probably what you hadn't told anybody, wasn't it? I dropped the ball, didn't I? I'm sorry." He can see Sasuke's face sliding into that "I ruin everything" look he's so good at and he rushes to stop it.

Naruto waves his hands dismissively, like it's no big deal. "No, no, it's fine. It's not a problem. You didn't know, Sasuke, so don't worry about it."

"Why didn't you tell us, Naruto?" Choji asks. "This is great news, isn't it?" Everyone nods in agreement and looks at him in question.

Naruto gives him a pointed look. "Because Ino told me _not_ to. I wasn't supposed to say anything until she's a little further along, not even to my mom, you know? But apparently, the same doesn't apply to _her_."

"Oops." Kiba mutters, showing his teeth in a grimace. "Yikes."

An awkward silence falls over the table and Naruto feels a spike of annoyance deep in his chest. So he can't tell his best friends or _the people who gave birth to him_ , but she call tell _Sakura_ , of all people? And she just _had_ to tell Sasuke—wait, does that mean they're still together? That she went back to him after all? No, nope, not his fucking business— and Sasuke looks genuinely happy for him and incredibly guilty. Naruto's not upset at him because there would be no reason for him to think that the gang wouldn't already know. What absolute bullshi—

"Still, I could have waited." Sasuke says with a sheepish shrug.

Naruto shakes his head. "Really, it's fine, I mean it." He assures. He then regards the rest of the group. "I didn't want to keep it from you guys anyway. It just sucks that everyone found out at once because I was totally going to tell the godparents we picked first." He jokes.

That certainly lightens the mood, and everyone springs back to life and starts talking over each other again.

"Who are you thinking of picking, by the way?" Neji asks casually. He's trying to play it off like he's not that interested but Naruto can see the intense glint in his eye that says it should absolutely be him and TenTen.

Kiba scoffs. "It's going to be me and Hinata, obviously." Staring down Neji like he's ready for a fight. Neji sucks his teeth and crosses his arms.

"You two got the first one!" TenTen protests.

"That's _exactly_ why we should be this baby's godparents, too!" he counters.

"I'm the most responsible out of all of you." Shino says suddenly, sending a pointed look in Naruto's direction. He's surprised, because he didn't think Shino would want that type of potential responsibility.

"I'm touched, Shino. I had no idea you'd be willing to take care of my kids like that if I died. You probably would do a good job of raising them, to be honest." He admits, much to Kiba and Neji's dismay.

"I'd protect them with my life and raise them as my own." Shino says passionately and there's a moment of suspended silence before the table dissolves into laughter.

It feels good, hanging out like this, like they used to. They're missing two, not quite the full set, and for some reason it feels very significant that those two are the ones that aren't here. Naruto shakes that feeling off, easily getting caught up in conversation with his old friends and laughing with food in his mouth like a messy kid. He catches Sasuke smiling at him from across the table, a warm look in his eyes that doesn't make Naruto squirm as much as it makes him settle comfortably into his seat and sigh.

He sure Sasuke feels it too, the tranquil energy wafting around them. He looks at Sasuke, smiling a bit at how the bags under his eyes have eased up and the sheen's returned to his skin. He looks good. Better. Like every step he takes isn't as painful anymore and it makes Naruto want to sing. He's glad it's not weird between them, even if this calm is tremulous and uneasy. He hopes it will last, because as he watches everyone interact and laugh with Sasuke, he thinks the other man needs this, to not feel so alone anymore, for someone to _want_ to call him over.

Naruto grins when his head throws back and he laughs loudly at one of Shikamaru's deadpan jokes, snorting, which causes his face to turn red when everyone mocks him for it.

Yeah, he thinks, he needs this.

…

It's close to Thanksgiving and they haven't decided where they're going yet. Usually, his mother likes to host. Ino's parents drive down from the North and the Uchiha's join them as well since most of the Uchiha's live out of the country and because of his father's eternal bromance with the Uchiha patriarch.

This year, that'd be a little awkward, since two extra seats need to be added to the table—or more, because Sakura's parents want to spend the holiday with her, and she's got more than a cousin or two—His parents aren't really on board with having a small army's worth of complicated familial relationships occupying their house. For his sake, or keeping-the-peace sake, he's not sure.

Ino's currently picking out a dress to wear, even if they don't know who's cooking the turkey yet, huffing and puffing that all her clothes are too tight to hide the bump she think she sees. Everything's strewn around their room as she throws each piece that doesn't work on the floor over her shoulder. Naruto's quietly gathering them and putting them back on hangers.

He doesn't see it at all, but Ino's convinced it's there and that everyone will know she's pregnant the minute she walks in if she doesn't cover it up somehow. He doesn't know why she's so worried about it, but speaking of which—

"We might as well tell them." He says matter-of-factly, folding a strapless number over the hanger bar because he refuses to mess with those stupid little plastic things that are supposed to hold it up.

She scoffs, tossing another dress onto his head. He pulls it off huffily and hangs that one up, too.

"I told you that I'm waiting to—"She starts, but he cuts her off.

"I mean, since you already told _Sakura_ I think everyone else is fair game. You think your mom's going to be cool with _Sakura_ knowing before she did? I don't think so."

He wasn't going to bring it up. Just let it go, he told himself after he came back from his outing with the gang. Let it go and don't make a big deal out it. But everyone here knows he's petty by now and the King of Not Letting Things Go. So sue him.

She sneers, but he can see the guilty-caught look in her eyes. "What? How did you know that?"

He nods stiffly, giving her a phony, tight smile. At least she didn't try to deny it. That counts for something.

"Oh!" He says, putting a mocking hand on his chin like he as to think about it. "I ran into Sasuke when I was out with everyone that other day. You know, the outing we both got invited to but you thought you were too good for? What was it you said? Oh yeah! 'They're just high school friends, Naruto. I don't have to go running when they call.' That's what you said, right? So yeah, Sasuke hung out with us and gave me his _best regards_ about the bun in the oven I was _so_ sure nobody was supposed to know we were having yet!"

She makes a face and crosses her arms, sighing in a way that makes him feel like he's the wrong one, here.

"Oh, whatever, Naruto. It's not even that big of a deal. We were talking and it slipped out. I didn't think she'd tell him."

He counters that quickly. "Oh please, nothing just "slips out" with you. You told her on purpose, didn't you, probably to brag because you two are weird like that. Everything's a competition. You probably said it to be like 'Look, Sakura!' 'My husband loves me enough to put a _second_ baby in me when you're fiancé won't even buy a tiny dog with you. How does that make you feel?' I'm totally right, aren't I? " He says in a high-pitched, mocking tone, placing his hand on his hip in the same haughty way Ino does.

Ino rolls her eyes and hisses out a: "Stop it." But her jaw works in a way that tells him he's right.

"Nice, Ino. Real nice."

"Shut up, why are you so upset? So, I told her. So what? I have to right to do so if I want to." Is she freaking serious? It's because—

"You asked me not to tell anyone! And I thought you weren't going to tell anyone yet either, because you gave me all these reasons why we shouldn't, but you just wanted the chance to do it first so I'm sitting there looking stupid because I don't even know that my wife's only telling people she deems _worthy_ of the news!"

Ino's looking at him like he's crazy, and he resists the urge to just walk away from the conversation because he doesn't think that will go over well.

"Oh my god, Naruto, will you—"

"— _and_ ," He says, because he's on a roll. "We just said we'd be honest with each other and you made it what, two days, before you went back on that and then didn't tell me about it?"

You know all about doing that, don't you, Naruto?

Ino throws down the dress in her hands and storms up to him, getting in his face. He's surprised at how forcefully she does it but doesn't flinch and doesn't move.

"So what, I'm the bad guy for this tiny thing? What about you, huh? You want to talk about being honest but I know you're still hiding something from me, Naruto. You're so fucking obvious whenever something's wrong, so hurry up and spill it. What is it, what did you do?" Fuck.

"Don't spin this back on me!" He nearly shouts, trying to keep himself under control.

"Nothing's wrong, nothing happened!" It sure did. "And you think I believe that 'it's been weird between us' shit? That's not all there is to it because it never is, not with you. So, why don't you tell me what's really going on? What, you don't trust me anymore? You think I'm lying? What is it?" This conversation is rapidly getting out of control and he's not even sure why. It's not much to get worked up over, but they're both using this small argument as an excuse to dig around for what they were really looking for. He's almost sure he doesn't like where it's going, and he knows he won't like whatever it is that's really been bothering her this whole time.

Because Ino's fired up, and she tends to lose her tact and reasoning when she's really upset. She sneers at him, pushing up closer in his face until they're nose to nose and poking a sharp nail into his chest.

She laughs humorlessly. "You think I'm hiding shit from you? You want us to be _honest_?" She says patronizingly. "Just lay it all out there on the table? Fine, fine, you're right. We need to, it'll be good for us. Don't worry, I'll start it off. Hmm, let me see…"

Naruto hears alarm bells go off in his mind. "Ino…" He starts warningly.

"Oh, I know! That's easy! I got an abortion."

He thinks she's hit him, because of the way the air punches out of his chest, but she didn't move.

Not once.

"What?" He whispers quietly, chest constricting. Dammit, he should have walked away. It's his fault. He knew this was going to bank left without warning.

(He pictures a plane, stalling/stuttering in the air, blue-black smoke billowing out of the rear turbines.)

It takes her a second to realize what she's said and then she gasps, slapping a hand over her mouth in shock, color leaving her face like it was swirling down a drain.

"Fuck." She swears forcefully, turning away from him. No, he won't let her, so he grips her shoulders and spins her around, pinning her in place with the weight of his hands alone, because his whole body feels like stacked cinderblocks.

"Ino, what?" He asks again.

She covers her hands with her face, shaking her head and letting out muffled curses.

"No, no, no." She says mournfully. "It wasn't supposed to come out like that. I was going to tell you when—oh my god, not like this. Shit, I'm sorry."

 _Sorry_? "Just tell me what you mean. When? When did you get an abortion?" he asks desperately, shaking her slightly when she doesn't answer.

"Ino!"

"Alright! Alright. Okay." She caves, stepping back until she can sit on the bed. His fingers are still digging into her shoulders from where he's standing in front of her. His legs are locked tight and he's pretty sure he should probably sit down but he doesn't.

"It was—it was only like, a year after we had Menma, alright?" She says, looking at him imploringly. "And it was already hard enough and we didn't know what the fuck we were doing. We we're pretty broke and stretched thin moneywise with one baby, and you were still—you weren't in the best mindset. I didn't want to spring another baby on you so soon; I wasn't sure how you'd handle it. I wanted us to plan another one together, like we did now. I didn't want it to be another…mistake."

(The emergency lights blink as the passengers panic. The oxygen masks fall from their place in the ceiling.)

He releases her shoulders and a quick look of hurt passes over her features before she continues to speak.

"So I…I got a loan, f-from Sakura and she came down and went to the appointment with me. After that, when you talked about wanting another baby, I felt so ashamed because I could have _already_ given you another one, but I got rid of it because I was scared. I've been holding onto that for so long that I thought maybe I couldn't get pregnant until I told you and stopped feeling so guilty, you know? Like maybe I was somehow holding myself back by holding onto that. But then I found out that I was you were so happy and it just reminded me that I denied you of a child you would have loved _so much_ and then I didn't even tell you about it."

He doesn't have the right to be upset. He really, really doesn't. Because she did the right thing. It _was_ hard, taking care of a baby when they were so young and unprepared. If they had two children under five? He'd probably be living in his parents' house full-time and he most likely wouldn't have the job he has now because it's time consuming and he wouldn't have left Ino to fend for herself. They might have figured it out, but still…

It's eating her alive, if the tears in her eyes and the way her hands are shaking are any indication. He wants to hug her and say that it is okay, but he _is_ upset _,_ and he can't help it, because once again she felt like she couldn't come to him with something important. He could have held her hand, or held her close when she cried, he could have been there and it feels like she didn't want him to be because he might have tried to convince her not to do it. He wouldn't have, and it sucks that she couldn't even trust him with that.

He takes a second to mourn what could have been—would it have been a girl? With sunflower hair and bright, blue eyes? Would she have freckles? Or would their second boy have red hair like his mother, eyes shaped like almonds, poison green? It doesn't matter, it's done. It's done. There's nothing to do or think about now.

"Okay." He says simply, and she looks up at him with shining eyes. "I understand. Everything's okay, Ino. I…I wish you would have told me so I could have been there for you, but I get why you didn't. You did what was best for us, so thank you. I'm not upset, and you don't have to keep holding onto that anymore. We've been given another chance and we'll be able to give this one the life it deserves. It's okay. I love you."

He's getting choked up, and he bites his lip to keep from letting out a sob.

She looking at him like he's something special, but there's also a bit of confusion and…resentment in her gaze? He doesn't understand why she's looking at him like that. What is it? What did he say?

"You…" She starts, shaking her head in disbelief. "I swear, there's nothing in this world I can do to make you…" She huffs and looks away.

What the fuck? "Do you _want_ me to be angry at you, is that it?" He really doesn't get it and she's going to have to spell it out for him.

"I don't know!" and he feels like this is an _honest_ as she's ever going to be with him for a very long time. "It's just…you just let it go! Because you feel like you should but you shouldn't! You're always getting screwed but you keep a smile on your face and for what? To make the people happy that keep making you sad? I hate it!"

That's…

(It nosedives, the sound of rushing air drowning out the screaming.)

"Ino, stop—"

"No!' She shouts, eyes wide and cloudy. "I did this to you! You're so desperate to forgive and forget so you can keep everyone close because you don't want to lose anyone like you lost _him_."

She spits, so forcefully that he nearly takes a step back. "It's my fault because—"

"Ino!" he cuts her off because she looks wild and lost and it's starting to worry him. "What are you talking about? You're not making any sense!"

She looks away from him and grits her teeth.

She's crying openly now, arms curled around her middle with her fingers gripping her shirt. He goes down to one knee in front of her and places his hands on her elbows, leaning his head onto her knee.

"Calm down, honey. It's okay." He keeps saying that, but it's clearly not. "I shouldn't have gotten you so worked up. Don't say anything else. I don't need to know right now, okay? C'mon." he says, prying her hands away from her sides and taking them. He tries to get her to stand, to let him embrace her, but she shakes her head.

When she finally looks at him, she looks at him like she barely recognizes his face, and he knows he's lost. She going to say something. It's probably going to be shocking, it's probably going to hurt, and he's trying to comprehend how this all went to shit so quickly.

"You deserve to know." She whispers. "You…I always really liked you, did you know that? When we were younger. At first I thought you were lame but somehow I fell for you." She smiles slightly and he can't help but return it even though something's telling him to run away with his hands over his ears and never hear this, because she'd never say this unless it was important. And if she's talking about love, what's coming next is going to be selfish. It always is. He knows that well. He can't imagine what Ino would be selfish about, not when it comes to him. He doesn't want to know.

 _You started it_ , his mind whispers, _you should have kept your mouth shut_.

(It's funny, that people tend to think he can let things go easily. Letting go is the one thing he can't do, not without a hard push. How hard will he have to push to forgive this?)

"I was happy to just be your friend." She continues, squeezing his hands. "For the longest time, I was happy, because you were. I wish you could have seen yourself, how good you two were together. You completed each other, and I knew that. So I never said a word."

She pauses, shaking her head at the memories. "But Sakura wasn't. I'm sure she told you. She wanted him _so bad_. I told her she should just shut up, cause there was no way, but she didn't listen. And I…I couldn't let her do what she planned to do, Naruto, I couldn't, so…"

"What?" He asks. He feels sick to his stomach. Her hands grip his hard enough to hurt but he barely feels it. "What happened?"

Ino lets out a hard breath and looks up to the ceiling, trying to gather strength.

"That night, before you found them? She…she slipped something into his drink. She convinced him to drink it because it was so close to finals and he was so stressed out and she pretending like she wanted to help him loosen up, you know? A-and she was actually going to sleep with him while he was drugged but I couldn't let her fucking do that, s-so I told her to just…stage a scene like it happened. She gave him so much and we knew he wouldn't remember if it happened or not, and he didn't, so…"

(It crashes, breaking into even pieces. The fuel mixed with the force of the fall ignites white-hot, scorching the earth around it.)

He can't breathe. For at least ten seconds he can't pull air into his lungs and he thinks he's drowning. That's…that's so—how could she? How could they? It was a lie, all a lie, a carefully planned out lie so the two of them could get what— _who_ —they wanted and for what? Sasuke and Sakura can't stand each other, he and Ino flounder at every step, because this castle was built on sand and now the tides washing it away.

A fucking lie. It never happened. A lie. _All this_ , over a lie.

He could laugh, but he'd definitely have to stop crying first.

"What the fuck?" He manages to get out, jerking away from her and standing up straight, nearly tugging his hair out of his head. He has to learn how to work his lead tongue again, and it takes a few tries. "S-so you _knew_ and you just, you just fucking went with it because you _loved_ me, is that what you're going to say? You fucking watched me fall apart over this so many times and you never said a word?"

"Yes, I love you, Naruto, and I know it was so wrong, but she wouldn't listen to me. She was going to do it one way or another because she was so blind and I thought…I thought I could lessen the blow if this ever came out. So she wouldn't go to jail for—I, that's not even all of it. The truth is—"

The truth! The _truth_! Don't fucking talk to him about the truth!

"I asked Kiba to ask you out that night, to get you out of the house. I knew a guy and…I got her the stuff to do it."

"Jesus Christ, Ino!" He shouts. He turns and punches the wall, leaving a hole. She flinches and closes her eyes.

"You—"He spins, pointing at her and barely noticing that he's shaking.

"I'm sorry." She cries, black mascara running down in cheeks like tar. "I'm so sorry. I know, I'm awful, I know. I always used to call her crazy for how far she'd go for him when I was just as gone on you. I know this is unforgivable but I love you and—"

He could scream. Actually, he does. It sort of slips in there with his words and its very high pitched and unpleasant. "Don't!" He cries. "Stop saying that! You don't do something like that to someone you love! I _hated_ him, I hated him for _so long_ for something he never did! And you just sat there and were cool with her manipulating us—No, you fucking helped her do it!— and I tried so hard to erase every ounce of him from me the best I could, every thought, every memory over _a lie_! I lost the love of my life because of _you_!" He's not sure if his words are coherent by the end of it, because his voice is caught with tears and he nearly bit his tongue from how hard he's shaking.

"The love of your life…?" She mutters, more to herself than anything. He wishes he hadn't said it, no matter how upset he is, because she's still his wife, the mother of his children, and she can still be hurt by it.

"Yeah." She nods. "I guess I knew that. We both did. But I thought I'd be good enough for you, at least for a little while. I helped fixed you when you were broken and I think that counts for something? Even if I helped cause it. I can't tell you how sorry I am and I know it doesn't really matter, but I made you happy, didn't I? We were happy together."

It alarms him that she's talking in past tense, like this is the end of all things. He's not sure if it is.

But it changes so much. It's so overwhelming. He doesn't know what to do, what to say, where to go from here. He's so raw, hurt, confused and he can't make any decisions right now. He just can't.

"We were." He admits. "But it never should have happened this way."

Her eyes look dead when she speaks next, and it hurts him all the way down to his soul. "We would have never happened if it didn't."

Too much, too much, he can't breathe. He can't see straight. This room's too familiar, this house.

It's full of memories and happiness that pack and line the walls. Visions play in his head-

(Waking up early so they can eat breakfast together, her belly round and full, the morning air cold and the sound of a distant train echoing in their ears.)

(Christmas shopping with his family, he's riding the cart like a rocket and Ino's laughing at him behind her glove while his mother shakes her head at him. Bringing in handfuls of gifts for their son that sit by the door until it's time to unwrap them because he's too small to get into them. )

(Sitting on grass in the dark of night, watching the stars twinkle in the clear sight, eating snacks while they wait for the meteor shower that they news said they could see from their house. They're kissing by the time it comes and nearly miss it.)

-it's a home they made together, and what's it worth now? He can barely stand to look at her. He might pass out. It'd be mercy. He's either going to black out or throw up or both. He has to tune out the sounds of her sobs to focus on keeping his knees steady. The day is slipping away around him quickly; the world is fast forwarding at 1.5x the speed it should be, leaving only shadows, creeping in on the edge of his vision. He knows he's close to a panic attack, can feel it in his bones, and he has to get out of here.

He doesn't say anything, just turns on his heel and stalks out of their room on unsteady feet. He grips the railing as he comes down the stairs hard, nearly taking the doorknob off with how hard he jerks the door open. The slam of the door echoes loudly behind him and he wonders if the whole neighborhood heard it, but he can't be bothered to care. With that, he's gone.

…

(No survivors)

…

He walks.

There's nowhere he's planning to go, he just walks.

He contemplates calling Itachi, because he's always said that Naruto should call him in times of extreme distress and he'll come get him. He thinks this counts, and he goes to reach for his phone but realizes he left it in the house. So much for that. He's a big boy anyway, he can handle his own problems. That's why he doesn't head straight to his parents' house. That, and because

Menma's there and tonight supposed to be "M Squared"—his father's name for whenever he and Menma have a night of activities with just the two of them. It's adorable. He's not sure if he'd be more ashamed of his father or his son seeing him in this state, so he avoids going there for the time being.

He passes by the kindergarten, dark and kind of creepy when no one's there, then the house on

First where the old tags used to be. He ends up at the clearing where—

He laughs, despite himself, because this time he took to cool off ended up being a walk down memory lane. He stands in the field, steady as the trees in the woods, stock-still like he's part of the scenery, and just…screams.

He never understood why people did that in movies, what they would get out of screaming at sky at nothing in particular. It's not The Sky's fault everything sucks, he'd think, but he gets it now. It comes out before he can stop it—loud and harsh, like a wounded animal. Like a wolf howling at the moon. He can't even see the stars he loves so much, because the sky's covered in grey clouds as if it's going to rain. He hopes so, because even though the temperature is near freezing he's been overly warm for a while. Maybe the chill from water hitting his skin will kill him and that way he won't have to do it himself, like he's been contemplating for the last thirty minutes.

Who's he kidding? He probably won't die. He'll get hypothermia and frostbite, might lose a few fingers and toes, but he won't fucking die because what fun would that be? There's no way the world's done with him yet, not by a long shot.

The screaming turns to laughter—sad, hiccuping laughter because that last thought is hilarious. The Gods must be personally invested in whatever he's doing and what he's going to do to do next. How can Naruto's life get worse? They must ask that over popcorn like it's fucking movie night, let's watch! The visual really tickles him for some reason.

He drops to the grass spread eagle, arms wide like he's going to make a snow angel. It licks the back of his neck in a weird way, but he stays there and stares into the grey puffs above him. He feels the first raindrop hit his cheek and he stops laughing abruptly, outstretching a hand above him like he could possibly touch the sky. More drops hit the hand until he drops it over his eyes to hide his tears. It doesn't matter, because there's no one here to watch. No one at all. But he keeps it there, adding the other, before turning over onto his stomach and sobbing into his palms while the rain falls heavier around him. He keeps it there because even though he's certainly giving the

Gods a show, he's going to make them miss this performance out of spite alone.

The sound of his cries is drowned out by the _whoosh_ of wind and the rustle of trees as the heavy droplets hit their leaves. The noises of nature are so loud they drown out the sound of the tsunami crashing into the shore of his mind. He's nothing compared to the storm outside.

He's grateful.

...

He's sure everyone's worried by now. He's been gone for hours and didn't have a way to contact anyone. He knows that Ino's called his parents by now to ask if they've seen him, and they've panicked. They probably called the Uchiha's and Fugaku and Itachi are such worriers than Mikoto probably had to convince them not to call the cops. He chuckles to himself at the thought, but then quickly groans at how blown out of proportion this is probably going to be. If his friends know, there's probably a search party out for him by now, led by Neji. He laughs again, picturing him with a miner's hat and an old-timey torch, calling his name into the dark.

His parents' house isn't far, and it doesn't take him long to make his way over. He's thinking of fibs and apologizes to tell everyone about why he ran off—he knows Ino would dare tell them the real reason, she's too proud—when he comes up to his block and sees cars outside the house. Yep, he knew it. Everyone overreacts when it comes to Naruto. Well, maybe not, considering what happened the last time he went off by himself. And seeing as how he thought of dying there for a second in the field, maybe they're right to worry.

He catches a glimpse of long blonde hair on the porch. It's Ino, looking out for him. He doesn't think she's seen him yet and he's kind of hoping she won't before he gets the chance to turn around and get out of here. But he doesn't feel like walking anymore, all the stored up exhaustion from the day hitting him at once, so instead he sits down on the bus bench at the end of the block and waits.

It takes longer than he thinks it would for her to notice. It's kind of uncomfortable, because he's soaked and sad and sniffling. God, all he needs is to get sick right now. That'd be perfect. He hears her footsteps as she makes her way over to him, umbrella in hand even though the rain is barely a drizzle.

"Oh, thank god!" She says, letting out a sigh of relief. "I hoped that was you."

"You knew I'd come here eventually." He says, wincing at how cold his tone is. He doesn't even feel like being mean to her but his body seems to be on autopilot, locked and loaded in defense mode.

She ignores it, or maybe doesn't hear it, based on how she keeps going. "I was so worried! You were gone for hours and I realized you didn't take your phone and I thought you might…hurt yourself, so I called everyone to see if they knew where you went and nobody had so I thought I'd wait here. C'mon, come inside so they can see you're alright." She says, placing a hand on his shoulder.

He's not. He's not alright.

He doesn't even look at her when he jerks back from her touch, eyes firmly trained on the sidewalk in front of him.

He sees her twitch and hears her sigh. "Okay." She says softly. "That's fair. Still, please come inside. You need to change your clothes; you'll freeze out here."

He shakes head, wet locks slapping against his face. "No, not yet." He says sharply. She nods and stands next to him in silence.

"What time is it?" He asks in curiosity after long stretches of awkward quiet.

"Eleven thirty."

Shit, he really stayed longer than he thought. He was supposed to pick up Menma over an hour ago. Shit, Menma. He'll have to get himself together to go face his son because he refuses to show this side of himself to him again. He wipes his face, but it useless since his hands are wet. Ino sees this and takes her jacket off and offers it to him, but he waves her away.

"Keep it. I don't want you to get a chill." He says, eyes trailing down to her stomach. She follows his eyes down and nods, shrugging it back on.

She's jittery, impatient, like she wants to say something but she's not sure how he'll react. He's not sure what he'll do either, if he's honest, so he's grateful that she doesn't speak for a long while.

He decides to break the silence. "You know, I lied before, when I said I wasn't mad when you told me about…what you told me before _this_." He says with a vague hand gesture. "You took Sakura with you, instead of me? Her? _Really_? Is it because you guys are brothers-in-arms or some shit? Co-conspirators? That's just one thing I really don't get. That's bullshit, you know, because I helped you get pregnant, not Sakura, so I think I could at least be there when you got unpregnant." He's rambling he knows, but it's better than not talking to each other and making each minute pass at a snail's pace.

"Naruto…" She says carefully, and he has to keep from rolling his eyes.

"What? We have to talk about it sometime, don't we? Don't worry, I don't want to argue or scream anymore. Been there, done that. My throat hurts, actually. My hand stings from where I hit the wall, too. Can you believe that? I get screwed over _again_ , like you said, and in the aftermath all I manage to do is hurt myself. Funny, right? It's almost poetic."

She sighs. "C'mon, Naruto."

"I said I don't want to." He says, humor zapping from his voice. She jerks, alarmed, probably because he's never taken that tone with her. Well, there's a first time for everything. "Sorry, I don't mean to be short with you, but I really can't look everyone in the face and lie to them about this mini-breakdown right now. I just don't see it happening. And I know damn well you don't want everyone to know what happened." She doesn't move besides a slight twitch, and he knows he's right.

"I'm never telling Sasuke, by the way. If you thought I was bad—woo! We're not touching that. Okay? Don't. Trust me." The rain starts up again, and he almost misses her shifty expression when she pulls the umbrella back up over her head.

"What…What did you do?" He asks warily. She swallows and an echoing _fuck_ slips from his lips.

"I told Sakura to tell him." Ino whispers. "I thought it's been long enough, I thought we'd been through enough and it was time. I wanted it to come from her. I don't know if she listened to me, though."

He's never wanted to slap some sense into her as hard as he does right now.

He jumps up off the bench, arms flailing wildly. "Are you insane? The guy's barely stable and you're going to throw this on him? What's wrong with you, Oh my go—"

The sounds of tires screeching behind him his like something out of a cinematic. It stops him short and commands his attention. He sucks in a breath as Sasuke's BMW comes into view right in front of him, stopping right in front of the bench. He hears Ino gasp behind him, and Naruto could almost laugh at how perfectly timed this all was. Like he said, movie night.

Sasuke hops out almost before he even gets the car into park. His eyes connect with Naruto's immediately, huffing out laborious breaths like he ran all the way here instead of drove. He looks haggard, stressed, eyes wild and set alight. Naruto's sure he must have looked the same when he first left the house earlier. It's a bit disturbing to see.

Sasuke's mouth moves, but nothing comes out at first. "Did she tell you?" he asks, mouth almost lifting into a crazed smile even though Naruto's certain he finds nothing about this humorous. Sasuke's eyes snap to Ino's and she turns her head away so fast he hears it crack, like his gaze burns. Sasuke looks to him again, searching, and Naruto sees Sakura climb out the passenger's side over Sasuke's shoulder. She doesn't look at Naruto. She just pulls her sweater closer to herself like she's cold and looks at Ino. They give each other a look that Naruto doesn't care to decipher.

"Yeah." He breathes. He bites his lip when Sasuke's face crumples.

"See?" Sasuke says, nearly hysterical. "I-I knew I would never do that to you. I love you too much. I'd never hurt you, betray you like that. I _fucking_ knew it."

Sakura looks off into the distance, crossing her arms. He knows she didn't miss that he said love instead of _loved_. It's a sick sort of satisfaction he gets when the corner of her eyes pull in pain. He might be entitled to it, that satisfaction, just for this moment. Maybe.

"Not you, Naruto." Sasuke continues, walking forward slowly. "Never you. Never—"

He doesn't know what he's going to do. First he thinks he might hug him, or rush forward and kiss him. He doesn't think he could handle that right now.

But he doesn't. He makes it as far as the bench so he can collapse onto it, body shaking sobs wracking his body like tremors. He's up one minute and then he's not. He's in a heap on the metal, head in his hands, just sobbing like Naruto was before. Naruto wants to reach for him. To comfort him, to make him _stop_ , because his eyes are welling up again and his chest hurts so much he thinks he might be having a heart attack. But he knows he can't; even Naruto's arms can't smooth away years' worth of weeping and misery. No one's can. But it sounds so loud to his ears and he can't hear anything else. All he wants to do is cover his ears and wish himself home.

Where would that be now, exactly?

He sees Sakura cover her mouth and Ino wipes her face beside him. Apparently, when Sasuke finally broke, the dam snapped for everyone. So now they're just crying in the street, getting rained on, while the world shifts beneath them.

Ah. What a mess.

"I'm sorry." Sakura says. It's meaningless. She must know. At least she's trying anyway, he'll give her that. "Fuck, I…I didn't know how to let you go. I loved you for so long and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. But I'm so sorry. I ruined your happiness, I ruined everything and there's no making up for that. I know I'll never be able to make up for any of this but I promise I'll—"

She can't finish, throat croaking too much for words to form. Ino gives her a sad look and drops her head.

 _Didn't know how let you go_? That's funny isn't it? Not really, but a tiny "Heh." Comes out of him anyway. Because who here was really able to? Ino never abandoned her friend, Sakura didn't leave Sasuke even when he told her she was unwanted. Sasuke never stopped loving him and Naruto? Heh.

Ino looks at him like he's lost his mind and Sakura does the same. Sasuke still lost in his grief; the sound of his cries coloring the background like music. It really helps with the ambiance, just like the night air and the rain.

"Sorry, I'm not laughing at you." He says even as his lips tip upward more and he has to fight now giggles. "It's just…I get that. I mean, I really do, because none of us were able to let go, right? It's why we're sitting here now. And it's kind of funny that this happened, because I was so guilty about betraying you first—well, yours was _still_ before mine, but, semantics—and then you come out and says this and I'm like, a little less guilty I guess? Don't get me wrong, it's still fucked up that I fucked Sasuke behind your back, but we're sort of even now, right?"

There's a long stretch of unnerving quiet while he stares at her and waits for her answer. He surveys: Sakura gasped when he finished speaking and now she's got her head in her hands just like Sasuke does. He doesn't get a response from Sasuke (not that he expected it), but he's quieted down some into sniffles and he looks up at Ino with an unreadable look.

Naruto takes this in and looks at Ino, only to see her eyes fill with hot rage and she slaps him around across the cheek, so hard they both stumble, curving her nails so they leave three thin scratches behind. He hisses, going to raise his hand to cover his stinging cheek but he doesn't get the chance because she rears back and does it again, this time to the other side, giving him a matching set. She rushes forward with a cry, trying to hit at him but he catches her hands easily. When he does, the fight leaves her, and she drops down to her knees while he still holds her arms up. It's a tragic sight.

She jerks her arms out of his hold and sits on the wet sidewalk, a new round of tears coming out of her with force. He watches with an odd sense of detachment. He's sure he just confirmed what she maybe already knew. The way she pressed about him hiding something earlier tipped him off. Maybe she thought he was cheating, but she didn't guess it was Sasuke. Maybe she knew it was Sasuke but thought they hadn't gone that far. Maybe he's projecting and she didn't know anything

at all.

She pulls her knees up to her chest and stays like that, body shaking like electric shocks course through her veins.

Watching her now, he thinks yeah, maybe she didn't know anything at all.

It's enough suddenly. It's been enough for a while, since he first heard, but it's definitely enough now. He simply doesn't want to anymore. There's two people crying in his wake—it's important that it's those two, but he doesn't want to think about that now—All the people he loves, that what they do. They cry over him.

Sakura's staring at him like he's one cold son of a bitch. Not exactly wrong, but he doesn't want her to look at him like that. So, he sidesteps Ino and walks back towards his old house. He's been out here long enough and forgot that other people were looking for him. Menma's waiting for him, too, so he needs to go.

No one stops him.

He opens the door as quietly as he can, slipping inside and toeing off his shoes. He looks behind him at the closed door, considers, and then locks it.

His parents are in the kitchen, along with Itachi and his own parents. They're talking in low tones and it's Fugaku that spots him first. His eyes widen at Naruto's appearance and he stands up quickly and starts to approach him.

"And I—"Minato starts, cut off by Fugaku's sudden rising. His eyes snap over the open doorway and he swears.

" _Jesus_ , Naruto! What the hell happened?" he asks.

Everyone's staring at him now, equal parts concern and panic, and he splays his hands out in front of him so no one will come and hug him. He's barely holding it together as it is and he won't be able to handle that right now.

"I'm sorry for worrying everyone." He announces loudly, and his mother rushes over to the sink to get a cloth so he can wipe his face. He takes it, dabbing it against his skin and flinching at the sting. He licks his lips and they're bloody, too. He bit them raw at some point and didn't even realize it. God, he must look a wreck.

"I'm fine." Their faces clearly say that _he's not_. "I'm going to go get cleaned up and then I'm probably going to go to sleep. We'll talk in the morning."

He says it confidently, even though he's no fool and he knows there's no way they're going to just let it go just like that. Everyone starts protesting at once and it sounds like a garbled mess and he _can't take it_.

"Fine!" He shouts, and they stop. "Fine! You want to know? I'll tell you." This is a bad idea but his mouth is moving and it's out of his control.

"I fucked Sasuke." He says simply, and his mother gasps indignantly while Mikoto covers her mouth in disbelief and shock. Both Minato and Fugaku's eyes widen and Itachi just sighs like he knew this was coming eventually. He did tell Naruto to keep his mouth shut because nothing good could ever come out of him telling her. A fucking prophet, that man. Kushina's eyebrows furrow and she's no doubt going to scold him but he doesn't give her the chance.

"And I just told Ino. It was unnecessary, honestly, but before she told me that she and Sakura set up the whole thing about Sasuke cheating on me so I really didn't care if I hurt her feelings or not.

So, uh, it never happened. He never cheated on me. They made the whole thing up. And everyone's outside at the bus stop in various stages of mental breakdowns so if they come knocking, please don't let them in. Especially Ino, she might kill me. Someone should probably go get Sasuke though, because I'm really worried about what he might do and honestly about what I might do, too. So please just let me go upstairs and clean myself off and take a fucking nap. Please."

Everyone's mouth is open by the end of his speech and they're staring at him, so upset, and he can't look at anyone's face anymore without wanting to cry. He does, in fact. Not like earlier. This time it's just a traitorous little tear that spills from his eye because he's so overwhelmed.

Minato recovers first and nods.

"Okay." He says, gesturing his hand in the direction of the stairs.

"Thank you." He says, before turning around and exiting the kitchen, climbing the stairs two by two.

"Peroxide and Band-Aids are in the medicine cabinet!" His mother calls after him.

"Thanks!"

It's worse than he thought. The scrapes are deep and no matter how much he presses them with the cloth they well back up a second later. He dreads having to put the peroxide on them, but he has to. The pain's nothing compared the pain in his heart. He stares at himself in the mirror for a bit-lips torn, hair limp, eyes dull and lifeless. Is this what everyone else saw? No wonder they left him alone after he asked. He grips the sink and lets tears slid down his cheek in silence, mingling and mixing with blood, meeting at his chin and dripping down into the drain. It's almost beautiful, how he looks, like a catastrophic canvas. That's what he feels like, someone's medium that they paint and manipulate as they please, trying to create the perfect picture but they're never satisfied.

So they smudge the colors and start again.

He places Band-Aids on his cheeks and luckily the ones in the cabinet are long enough to cover the length of the cuts so they adhesive won't stick to the wounds. He hops in the shower for as long as he can bear, which isn't long because he aches and just wants to lie down. He ducks into his parents' room and snags a pair of his father's pajamas after he towels himself off, leaving the towel wrapped around his hair like a turban.

"Menma?" He whispers as he enters his old room. "Are you asleep?"

"Papa!" Menma cries, hoping in from under the covers and rushing to him. He smiles despite himself. "I'm awake!"

Naruto scoops him up, cradling his little body close, tucking his nose into his hair. Menma wraps his arms around his neck and drops and wet kiss against his cheek, drawing back immediately when he feels the Band-Aid.

"Papa? What happened?" Menma says, patting his face. "Are you okay? Mama said you weren't feeling well and that's why you didn't come to get me earlier. Are you hurt?"

Naruto nods, sinking down onto the bed. He settles Menma into his lap before answering.

"Yeah, Papa's not feeling too good."

"What's wrong?" Menma asks, little hands cupping Naruto's face. It makes him smile because he's always done that to Menma when he's upset and now he's mimicking him.

"Nothing, nothing." Naruto whispers, pulling him closer and burying his face in his hair. He can't help the new wave to tears that flow out and he takes a shuddering breath.

Menma responds immediately, wrapping his arms around Naruto's back as far as he can reach. His fingertips barely touch but he's trying and it makes Naruto cry harder. He knows his son is confused, probably scared, but he grips Naruto for all his worth and whispers sweet things to him like Naruto always does when he cries. What an angel, he thinks, but he can't say it out loud, too caught up in rocking them back and forth them gently while he cries into hair so much like his own.

What an angel.

…

6.

"Onidōrō."

Time…goes.

He's not sure why he expected that it wouldn't, like the world would finally slow down for him and give him a break. But it didn't. Of course it didn't. He goes to work the next day and lies about the cuts on his face, says he's gotten into an accident and everyone at his jobs fawns and frets over him. It's sad that they believe it so easily but he's just that good at lying these days that no one thinks to question it.

Ino wants to leave for a while; he tells her to stay because it's her house too and she shouldn't be more stressed than she already is.

(When he woke up the next morning, he had a full blown panic attack, gasping and crying because he thought he killed their baby. Ino was so upset and hurt, it easily could have been too much stress on her body so early in the pregnancy. She could have miscarried. It would have been his fault. Luckily, he was wrong. Like he always said, his wife is strong. Stronger than him at least.)

He's going to look for a new apartment soon, but his mother refused to let him stay anywhere else but with them until he finds a good one. It has to be close to the neighborhood, like his house is, so he won't have to uproot Menma. His son's been very quiet recently, like he knows something's wrong. He probably does. Kids aren't stupid. Naruto hopes he's not scarred for life. He knows divorces can have awful effects on a kid, but he's not even sure this is a divorce just yet.

He said he'll go, she doesn't stop him. She asks him is he's leaving her, he says he doesn't know.

Everyone else seems to think it's for good. Itachi helps him look for good places with decent rent. He hasn't decided on one yet because he's dragging his feet and his friend seems to get that, so he patiently drives him to see more and gets him ice cream afterward like he's a little kid coming from the doctor. Naruto doesn't even complain because it's damn good ice cream.

Fugaku slips him business cards for good divorce lawyers. He doesn't say anything, doesn't push or ask questions—just leaves them on tables with notes on the back that say: "In case you need it."

His mother makes huge breakfasts for him for days. She even brings it to him sometimes, because whenever he doesn't have to work he spends his time wrapped in a ball with the sheets over his head, basking in the silence. He's tired of being babied—especially since he's the one in the wrong, but he guesses she can't turn off the love for her child even if he's a piece of shit. He gets frustrated to the point of waking up before her and cooking for himself, making all the things he likes and eating every bit of it. He does all the dishes in the house and cleans the whole kitchen.

When she wakes, she smiles brilliantly at his handiwork and says: "I'm glad you're out of bed."

It was her plan all along. God, he loves that woman.

Minato's happy to get more time with him. He makes them do dad stuff together, like fix the roof or build a new deck, even though it's freezing outside and Naruto hates it. But his dad pats him on the back and tosses up beers onto the roof for them to drink together, laughing heartily when Naruto almost nails his finger to the shingles, so Naruto doesn't think it's all that bad.

Time goes.

He hasn't talked to Sasuke since. Hasn't seen him around. Not a peep, not a whisper. He checks his phone often, thinking maybe he get a text that says "Come outside." Like the old days, and Naruto will find him waiting on the bottom of the front steps with Burger King in hand, arms outstretched for Naruto to fall in them. But this isn't a harlequin romance and that doesn't fucking happen.

(Itachi mentions offhandedly that Sakura's left for good. He was there when it happened, and according to him Sasuke didn't even have to throw all her shit out of the loft and scream at her, she quietly packed up and left. She probably went back to her parents' too, because he can't see her going back to New York because there's nothing for her there. There's nothing for her here, either, but that's not really his call.)

He's not sure what he expects, because what does this really change? Naruto's still married, he still _cheated_ , he still loves Ino and a tiny part of him still wants this marriage. He can't imagine raising their children separately. He already has to shuffle Menma to and fro from his parents to his old house—

(Mondays through Wednesdays are hers right now, he gets the rest of the week except for Sundays. It's a free space, meaning either her parents or his get the little bugger for the day so they both can have time to cry themselves to sleep without any interruptions.)

Sasuke's still sad and alone and they don't know each other anyone. Falling back into old habits —like great sex—is easy, but sorting out all their issues and feelings is another story. Sasuke doesn't seem to want to anyway, if his distance is anything to go by. This confirmation was probably just want he needed to close this chapter in his book and he can finally move on. If he wants to go, Naruto will let him. It's the least he could do.

But how funny is that? Once Naruto swears to let him go, to be a better husband, he's barely a husband anymore. He put all his eggs in one basket and the basket exploded. Typical.

Right now, he's grabbing more clothes from his closet. He hesitated when he first left, because he thought she might ask him to come back. Held hope that she would. She didn't. Of course she didn't. Now she's watching him pack up another suitcase from the doorway with her arms crossed tight over her chest. She hasn't said anything since he came in and he's not sure if he wants her to.

"Should I leave the key?" He asks when he's done, slipping on three watches from his jewelry stand at once so he won't have to pack them up.

She stares at him blankly for a moment like she doesn't understand what he means and then shakes her head. "You don't have to do that."

"You sure?"

A nod.

"Okay…" He says while rubbing the back of his neck and looking around to see if he missed anything. "That's everything I'm taking right now."

"Why not just get it all?" She says snappily, but then her features soften and she looks away.

"Do you want me to?" He asks carefully. She fidgets.

"Are you just looking for a reason to come here?" She responds softly. It's his turn to fidget.

"…Maybe."

"Then maybe you should leave the key." She says after a while.

Yeah. He probably should.

He takes it out of his pocket and places it in her hand, careful not to touch her. He's sure she notices that, but she doesn't comment because what is there really to say? It's…over, but it doesn't feel over. Not by a long shot, not for a while. Maybe because it will never be since they have children and he won't be able to erase her existence from his memory since she'll always be there.

She'll always be the one that gave him the greatest things in his life and made him whole again. She'll never be the villain in his story because who really is? They've all done quite a number on each other and it's hard to sort out who's really to blame and he's not going to try anymore.

"Bye, then." He says at the front door. This would be where he kisses her on the cheek and takes her into a soft embrace. She'd squeeze his arm and tell him to have a good day and to pick up some food on his way in. This time, her arms are crossed and his mouth is dry and neither of them move even though he's supposed to go. It's all wrong and he can't do anything to fix it.

Before he turns to leave she says softly "I wish…"

And he's sure she was going to say something along the lines of _I wish things were different_. But she doesn't finish the thought. Sasuke said the same thing once. Didn't he? This must be what they mean by full circle.

"I had fun." He says because he doesn't know what else would fit here. She gives a tiny, lopsided smile and snorts, but it doesn't reach her eyes and he didn't expect it to.

"Me too."

"That's good."

"At least…" She says trailing off. "At least I got to know what it was like for you to be mine. At least for a little while."

He doesn't respond because he doesn't need to.

"Goodbye, Naruto." She says, turning back into the hallway and away from the door. She's not going to watch him leave. He doesn't know how he feels about that.

"Goodbye, Ino." He replies, taking his suitcase by the hand and walking down the stairs.

He's in the car when he pauses, thinking, and he realizes without putting much meaning behind it that he's always the one that leaves a shared house behind.

…

Its mid-December when the baby comes. A week early, but due-dates are tentative at best and rarely can be relied on. Naruto's so excited because he can't wait to see what his nephew will look like. He'd taken to calling him his sort-of nephew since Itachi's like his sort-of brother, but the older man didn't like that so just nephew it is. Nobody's said the gender yet, but he's convinced is a boy. Call it a hunch.

Once he gets off work he heads straight over, but not before picking up a bouquet of flowers. There's only about an hour until visiting hours at the hospital stop but he's determined to see the little guy today and not have to wait until the morning.

He makes a beeline for the front desk, but doesn't have to ask how to get up to the room because Sasuke's waiting at the elevators for him. He's surprised because he hasn't seen him in weeks and here he is all of a sudden, but whatever drama they've got going on can wait for a day or two. Or forever. Both work.

"Hey!' He calls and Sasuke nods in greeting. "Are you my personal escort?" He asks jokingly.

"I figured you'd get lost so I thought I'd come down. It's a maze up there." Sasuke replies easily.

Naruto smiles.

"Boy or girl?" he asks once they're on the lift.

"Boy." Sasuke says with a grin.

"Ha! I knew it!" he replies excitedly and Sasuke chuckles.

They ride up the rest of the way in silence. Sasuke stands with his hands in his pockets and taps his foot. He clearly wants to say something but he must have decided to leave it alone like Naruto did. It's weird how they think so much alike still.

"C'mon." Sasuke says, directing him to the right room.

He comes in quietly because he knows the baby might be sleeping and he doesn't want to disturb them. Itachi sitting on the bed talking to Konan and they look up as they come up. Naruto's over immediately, giving Itachi a bear hug and they're rocking back and forth laughing into each other's shoulders.

"Hey, daddy." He says to him and Itachi playfully slaps him.

"Never call me that ever again." He says, but he's grinning all the same.

He drops a kiss on Konan's forehead and presents her the flowers which she graciously accepts.

"You should have got me a burger." She says with a pointed look.

"The line was too long." He replies with a grin. "I wasn't going to make it." She narrows her eyes at him but smiles and quickly lets him off the hook.

"Alright." He says, making grabby hands at Itachi. "Give me the goods."

Itachi rolls his eyes and walks over to the bassinet. "I'll hand you my _son_ in a minute, wait your turn. Sasuke didn't hold him yet; He got here right before you did."

Naruto pouts but waits his turn.

It's gorgeous watching Sasuke hold him. He gets this look of amazement on his face that he reserves for only The Best Things. Naruto doesn't imagine how shiny his eyes get, or the way he's so careful to hold his neck like he'll break otherwise. He was the same when he first held Menma—so scared he was going to drop him or make him cry by moving too much. The love he sees in those dark eyes makes his heart clench.

(He can see it, what it would have been like if they two of them had their own. How cautious and cute Sasuke would have been. If it was the two of them, Sasuke would have been the overprotective father and Naruto would have been more lax. He'd let them ride buckets down the stairs while Sasuke would make them wear knee pads just to play around the house. It'd be beautiful. He can see it.)

"What's his name?" Sasuke asks in a whisper, like he's afraid to talk any louder. Naruto feels stupid for not asking.

"Sasori." Konan and Itachi answer at the same time, the whole room's smiles are bittersweet.

When it's his turn, he can see everything—Itachi's nose, Konan's eyes, Mikoto's forehead, Fugaku's chin, their dark hair—it all fits so perfectly on his little face and Naruto's gone on him the moment Sasori blinks.

(He knows Sasuke could see it too, from the twinkle in his eye. He stares a little too hard and doesn't breathe for a second. It must be a lot, with Naruto holding a child that has so many of Sasuke's features it could easily be his. Theirs. He can see it.)

Itachi comes up beside him and Naruto hands him over because he hasn't seen what Itachi looks like holding him yet. He almost wants to snap a picture when Itachi smooths down the baby's hair and snuggles him close but he can't move. He knows that feeling, the one Itachi's feeling right now, and it's bright and warm and magical. He'll feel that again soon. It's one of the only things he has to look forward to.

He leans over and drops a kiss onto Itachi's shoulder from his left while Sasuke flanks his right. They stand there, unmoving, watching the baby until he starts to fuss. Naruto can't explain how good he feels. Like one good thing is finally happening. The world fades away piece by piece until there's nothing left but this room.

"He's going to be spoiled rotten." Konan says from behind them.

"Not if I can help it." Itachi says quietly, turning to face her.

"Look at them." She says, chuckling, gesturing to Sasuke and Naruto who are still looking with stars in their eyes. "Sasuke's planning for his college fund already and Naruto's wondering how many baby booties are too many baby booties." It's true and neither of them can deny it.

"The limit's ten since they grow out of them so fast." Naruto replies immediately and they all chuckle.

"I'll buy half and you buy the other half." Sasuke says, smiling at him. Naruto grins easily in return, all prior problems forgot in this precious moment.

It's why he loves babies. They bring joy when there was none to be found.

"Deal." He says, and they stay till lights out.

…

It's nearly Christmas and Naruto's decided to make gifts for people instead of buying them. He has more free time, so he figures why not. He knits scarves and sweaters and paints shitty pictures with his cheap watercolor sets. He's less…mopey. Or, maybe he should say he's found more distractions so he has less time to sit and think.

Ino's made an effort to talk to him, and he scrambles to answer when he hears his phone buzz.

Every time. It's mostly through texts. Little things like "Mini Me needs some new snow boots" or "The water's leaking upstairs again, what was the plumber's number?"

It's never important things like "You got me to love when I thought I couldn't love again." like he wants to say. Or "Even if I did an awful thing my love for you was realer than anything." like she does. Just little things that give them excuses to talk to each other.

Once, when he drinks—and he knows he shouldn't, _he knows_ —he texts her that he loves her. So much. He quickly follows up with the suggestion of counseling, you know? So maybe they can work things out. They really need it. It might help them. Would she at least consider it? He asks. Then he waits. The next morning, she texts him that she's thinking of getting a new dryer cause the one they have gets too hot and shrinks all her jeans.

He doesn't bring it up again.

At least she looks him in the eye when he drops off Menma. Her color looks a little better and she doesn't look as beat down from a distance. Still, he leans on the car and waits for Menma to get inside before pulling off, instead of going up to the door.

They'll look at each other from over the lawn, a distance that seems like acres, until he pushes off and hops back inside the car. She waits for him to turn the key before going back inside.

(He asks his father if there's something he needs to do to be legally separated. Like, if there's papers he needs to fill out or something. Does it change anything? Minato regards him silently, pats his shoulder, and tells him not to worry about it. He finds out that there _is_ a lot to it, since it's basically the same thing as a divorce. They'd have to set up visitation, custody, settle debts and divide assets. He's not ready for all that, so he leaves it alone. Let's this stay in this weird grey area that they're enjoying so _much_.)

He's just tired. And sad. And alone. And he hasn't spoken to Sasuke since the hospital. He tried, over and over, typing out texts only to delete them a second later because he keeps chickening out. He should be the one to reach out this time, since he wants it to be _something_. Not even a lover— not yet, not yet—he could really use a friend. Someone who'll understand where he's coming from, who won't lie and try to make him feel better about himself. Someone that will just sit and watch the stars with him like nothing else in the world matters. But Sasuke's off doing whatever it is he's doing without him (he so used to that by now. He has to be) and Naruto's stuck here waiting for a _sign_ that won't come. He thinks of asking Itachi if he knows what his brother's up to, but he doesn't want to seem desperate. So Naruto doesn't ask and Itachi doesn't offer.

And that's the end of it.

…

…..

…

Until…

He's standing in kitchen pouring fruit loops in a giant bowl, ready to eat three servings worth and then he's going back to bed. He has a full schedule, you see, of doing absolutely nothing. All the moms are in the sunroom—including Konan—talking and laughing while the baby naps on his little mat. Menma's in the backyard collecting rocks with his dad. It's his newest obsession, finding smooth stones and he keeps them in his pocket. Naruto asks what he does with them and Menma just shrugs and ambles along to find more, so Naruto chalks it up to a weird kid thing. Fugaku's on the porch in front. He would be up finding rocks too for the collection but he whined something about "his old bones." Naruto calls bullshit but Fugaku acts like he hasn't heard. "Must be losing my hearing, too." He quips and Naruto rolls his eyes at him.

He's just going to get the milk out of the fridge when his phone buzzes. He reaches into his pajama pocket and it's from Itachi. It reads: "Come outside." And he groans because goddammit he doesn't want any more ice cream.

He doesn't even bother changing even though he's going to be cold in just fleece pants and a fuzzy cardigan. When he walks out, Fugaku's staring at him over the paper with a kind look on his face.

"What?" Naruto asks, but the old man just shakes his head and smiles secretly at him.

Naruto huffs and walks down the stairs. What he sees next, he's not expecting.

He grins.

It's Sasuke on a bike, like the old one he used to have when they were teenagers, down to the paint color and the little flipper on the wheels. Itachi's right next to him on an identical one, checkered racing flag in his hand and a smirk plastered on his face. They're both dressed for the weather, unlike him.

"What's this?" He asks, walking down the pathway to stand next to them on the street.

"You remember when first I got my bike? When we were kids?" Sasuke asks, dropping one foot off the pedal to rest it on the ground. "The day of our first date?"

"That was a date?" Naruto questions, unimpressed. "You made me walk the whole way and then kissed me in a dirty field. I thought that was just a regular Tuesday."

"Shut up." He says, laughing. "I know, that was messed up of me, so we're going to do it over. Recreate, I should say. Make it better."

Naruto chuckles, feeling warmth pool in his belly. "Oh really? We're doing it over? Let me guess: you haven't talked to me in weeks because you were trying to "figure something out", right?" He asks, and Sasuke smiles sheepishly so he has his answer.

Well, at least it's not because he decided he didn't love him anymore.

What a relief.

"For accuracies' sake." He says. What a little shit.

"You're an asshole." Naruto replies dryly.

"Still accurate." Itachi pipes up and Sasuke elbows him playfully.

" _Anyway_." Sasuke announces loudly. "You said you'd get a bike just like mine and we were going to race to see who was faster, but you never did. So I went and found a two bikes like my old one and now we're going to race."

"You're ridiculous." Naruto says, but Itachi's already hoping off the bike and Naruto's inclined to get on.

"I'm delightful. " Sasuke proclaims while Naruto and Itachi roll their eyes.

"Are we recreating the _whole_ date?" He asks Sasuke teasingly. ""Or are you just looking to get embarrassed?"

Sasuke shrugs and smirks. "Maybe, we'll see." He replies, ignore the rest of Naruto's statement.

"Was this your idea?" He whispers to Itachi before he sits on the bike. "We're you tired of me moping around the house?" He gets a raised eyebrow in return.

"I'm tired of _both_ of moping around, so I told him to do something about it, to _woo_ you. It's not my fault he's an adorable sap." He answers back, not quiet at all.

Sasuke sneers at him and Naruto can't help but laugh. God, he hasn't ridden a bike in years. He's going to suck and he's going to lose. Still, he can't believe that Sasuke remembered, or how sweet he's being.

"Are we still doing the same wager we had for whoever wins?" Naruto asks carefully. He doesn't want to have to finally pay for all that shit he talked as a kid. No way.

"I think it was "loser has to do whatever the winner says for a full week, no exceptions" Right?" Sasuke says, smug grin sliding onto his face. Damn his good memory.

Fine, he'll just have to win it, then. "Yeah. Deal. Your ass is mine, Uchiha." And Sasuke raises a saucy eyebrow at him while Itachi sighs.

"Keep in in the bedroom, boys." He says dryly, but his eyes are alight with mischief just the same.

"Here's the rules." Itachi announces like he's really getting into it. He probably just wants to see what the winner is going to make the loser do because he's evil like that.

He'll probably add suggestions, too. "You go from the top of the block, ' _round_ the cul-de-sac, then come back up to me and whoever hi-fives me first wins."

"Winner steals a kiss." Sasuke mumbles, and Naruto grins.

"Maybe, we'll see." He replies.

Itachi huffs at the both of them and raises his little flag, holds it in the air for a few seconds— nodding at the both of them to make sure they're ready—and then shouts "Go!" and they're off.

He's not as bad as he thought he'd be, better at balance and gaining speed. They're neck and neck for a while but then on the turn he gets a little distance on Sasuke. He hears a disbelieving squawk from behind him and he giggles, laughing harder when he hears Fugaku chuckling at them from the porch. He's put his paper down and decided to watch them.

Sasuke's giving it all he's got but Naruto's slight lead is enough, and soon he's slapping Itachi's hand and pumping his fists in victory. Sasuke skids to a stop a moment later, looking sour, and Naruto yells "Ooooh!" in his face while he crosses his arms.

"Best two out of three." He tries but Naruto sucks his teeth.

"Nah son! You lost fair and square! Take that L, man! Take it with dignity!" He says after letting out a victory whoop.

Itachi's grinning and shaking his head. "You lost, Sasuke. No takebacks."

Sasuke sighs heavily through his nose but gives in. "Fine, fine. You're wish is my command,

Naruto." He says with a mocking bow. "What's the first thing you want me to do?"

"I'll think of something later." He says, because Menma and his father have come from the backyard to watch them and the women are leaning out of the window to see what all the noise is, so he's got a better idea.

"Choose your teams!" He yells to them. "We're having a race! Winner take all!"

Once everyone's in the front yard, its Fugaku and Minato up first. Naruto gives him the stink eye because apparently he's not too old to ride a bike but can't pick up rocks, and Fugaku laughs at him and pats his cheek before taking his place. He thinks maybe they'll go easy on each other, but those two old men are more competitive than anyone, so it doesn't take long for dirty tactics like pushing and kicking to start up as they round the bend. He shakes his head at their antics, but his father's head is throw back in laughter and Fugaku's smiling so hard it looks like it hurts, so he won't enforce a no contact rule.

Itachi dusts his own mother, no mercy style, and Naruto can barely breathe at the look of fury on her face. She swears they're going to have a rematch before the day is over and Naruto's a little scared what she'll do to win.

His eyes are a little watery and he tries to wipe them on his sleeve with no one seeing. His heart's tight, but not from pain, because he looks around and sees family—his kind of weird, overlyclose, patchwork family just riding mountain bikes in freezing temperatures, on the street where it all began, because why not? Who cares that everything's different? That after this one good moment is over he's going to have a lot more unpleasant ones? It doesn't matter right now, because there's joy in his heart and everyone's happiness is wrapping around him and protecting him from the cold. And if at some point that's not enough, and the chill creeps in and makes him shiver, he's going to steal that winner's kiss to warm his aching bones.

Kushina leans into his shoulder, looking up at him with equally shiny eyes. "It's good to have fun, isn't it?" She says, like she read his thoughts.

"Yeah." He says. "It really is."

She's all focus when Minato calls her over so they can have their race, and Naruto refrains from cheering so neither of them will get upset.

"Ten bucks on Kushina!" Konan calls from the porch. She's standing close to the door so the baby won't be outside in the cold long, but he's glad she's watching so she can feel included. Minato scoffs indignantly and whispers "You're going down." To his wife and she waves him off because he _must_ be delusional.

Sasuke's standing beside him, loose hair blowing in the wind, hands in his pockets, just beaming.

He looks so handsome to Naruto right now—perfect, amazing, unreal.

"Thank you." Naruto says softly. "This has been a good first date."

"I'm glad." Sasuke replies. "Did you figure out what you want me to do first?" He says, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Naruto doesn't take the bait. Instead, he pretends like he has to think about it even though he already knows.

"Hmm. How about, this time we actually start over? Like we tried to before?" He says, grin widening when Sasuke huffs.

"Oh my _god_ , Naruto—"

"You _said_ it's our first date. A do over. Let's just do it all over. A fresh start. Don't be a spoilsport, Sasuke."

"….Fine." Sasuke moans, looking like it kills him to say.

"Hi, my name's Naruto!" He says in between laughter. "What's yours?"

Sasuke glares at him, but relents. "I'm Sasuke."

"It's nice to meet you, Sasuke." Naruto says. "You know, you remind me of someone I used to know."

Sasuke raises an eyebrow. "Do I, now? What's he like?"

"Well, he was always really mean to me and never liked any of my ideas. He lost a bet that made him do whatever I told him to but he complained about it the whole time, how messed up is that?" He teases. He quickly continues before Sasuke gets in his feelings and stops playing along.

" _But,_ when he wasn't being a whiny asshole, he was really sweet and nice to me. He made me feel like the center of the universe and tried his best to take care of me. Things haven't been so great between us for a while and I miss him a lot. He's really different than how he used to be but I don't mind at all. I kind of like how he is now better than before actually; I think all his flaws make him beautiful."

Sasuke stares at him for what seems like forever with an unreadable expression on his face. He blinks, and then looks down and his feet with a shy smile on his face.

"I…I knew I guy like you, too." He mumbles, and Naruto holds his breath. "He was kind of stupid and really goofy, but his heart was always in the right place and he tried so hard to make everyone happy even if he wasn't. He got hurt a lot but still kept a smile on his face, and now he's not as kind as he once was but I know that kid with so much love to give is still in there somewhere. He always will be. I'm not looking for that kid anymore though, because the guy he is now is pretty great, too."

Naruto nods instead of speaking because he's pretty sure if he opens his mouth right now he's going to cry. So he just takes his hand and squeezes it, smiling soft when Sasuke grips him back just as hard.

"You're not looking to replace him, are you?" He asks after he takes a few moments to get himself together.

"Nah." Sasuke says with a shake of his head. "I'm much more interested in what kind of person you are. I want to get to know _you_ , to see what makes you tick."

"Weird, I was just thinking the same thing."

And they stare at each other with matching grins and the world disappears into blinding light, like the sheen on Sasuke's teeth. He watches him, watches the way his eyelashes flutter to protect his eyes from the bitter cold air, the slight quiver of his lips as he shivers, the way his eyes show so much with one look.

And Naruto just…doesn't know.

He doesn't know what's going to happen in the future. He doesn't know what's going to change, what will be rebuilt, what will fall apart next. He doesn't know. It's never going to be perfect, it's not going to stop hurting anytime soon. None of it will. He's in love with two people at once and he always thought that was impossible. One choice seems like the better one, but he doesn't know. He should have stopped wanting to take this hand a long time ago. But Sasuke's hand is warm and Naruto's heart is full. The ground beneath them is solid and the sound of their family's laughter beyond them breezes by his ears in the best way.

And…It's enough.

It's enough because he could stand here forever and watch the walk Sasuke talks. It's enough, because his body tingles when Sasuke looks at him, and he shakes when he's near from more than the cold. It's enough, because even when he hated him, he loved him. Because it's _always_ been Sasuke, even before he knew it himself. It's enough, because for the first time in a long time, even after he's been broken over and over and over again, in this moment he feels whole.

"I don't know what tomorrow or the future will bring." Sasuke declares like he knows what

Naruto's thinking. "But I really hope you're there right beside me while we're figuring it out."

"Itachi's right, you're a sap." He says, and steals his winning kiss before Sasuke has the chance to say something rude. He hears a low whistle from the porch from Konan and they laugh against each other's mouths.

"C'mon." Naruto says. "I'll give you that rematch. If I win, you take me to dinner and we take this slow. No buts!"

Sasuke grins, sticking out a hand for Naruto to shake. "And If I win, we finish this date like the first one ended and we go at a reasonable pace." The first date ended with necking under the covers with Sasuke's hands down his pants, hoping their parents don't walk in. Naruto considers for a second before shaking his hand.

"Deal."

Sasuke's not letting him off easy this time. He makes a V with his fingers and swings it between the two of them to say "I'm watching you" and Naruto sticks his tongue out in response. Itachi rolls his eyes at the pair of them readying his flag and holding it high up in the air.

"Go!" He shouts, and they take off.

It's like going in slow motion. They don't take their eyes off of each other as they ride down the street, even though it's stupid and dangerous not to be paying attention but God, who cares? They pedal at full speed like they stole something and Sasuke's laughing like a maniac while they pump their legs in time. It's contagious, and Naruto can barely breathe as the glee pours out of him over and over and over again.

Menma's his personal cheerleader, crying "Go, papa, go!" from the front lawn. Well, Naruto can't lose now, can he? He's doing it for the children.

They're going so fast and he feels so free, and everyone's cheering them on and the trees dance and the city's noises blare beyond them, but all fades away like he has tunnel vision. He throws his head back and his arms out, and he feels like he's _bursting_. Through his tears, all he can see is Sasuke's shining eyes and the twinkle of Christmas lights as they fly past that look like little fireballs in the sky.


End file.
